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So angry, can't forgive this year. Chizuk?
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amother




Taupe
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 7:03 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you. I actually did not know this and thought we were supposed to forgive everyone.

I have forgiven everyone who ever apologized to me. Two people IRL did, and I was able to forgive them and actually respect them for asking forgiveness. Those were completely different events than the one I am currently angry about though.

In this case, a goal of forgiveness is not appropriate. You have the right to forgive, but you can also choose a goal of giving up your anger and leaving it to Hashem while still not considering them forgiven, holding them to be deserving of your anger while not allowing this anger to take up space in your heart or mind.
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amother




Sand
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 7:04 pm
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
No, she has a point. Meds are a legit way to treat mental health conditions, but not all mental pain is caused by those conditions. Treating emotional pain not caused by those mental health conditions with drugs intended to treat those conditions is kind of like giving Tamiflu for a broken leg and then claiming anyone who doesn't support it doesn't believe physical health is real.


The tone was sarcastic and mocking. I think that just as you acknowledge the nuanced reality of the use of meds, it's important to not make broad brushed sarcastic comments about it.

I think the fact that the OP does describe how the intense feelings and what sounds like trauma are affecting her emotionally and for how long, it's not unreasonable to explore the use of meds with an experienced professional with whom she discusses her entire situation--both this specific event and the context of her life as well, and also any other physiological things going on.

Anyone responsibly prescribing or using meds is doing so mindfully and in the context that it's one tool to help with the heavy lifting of handling emotional and mental health and situations.

And by and large in the frum community, the stigma of the use of meds imho contributes to more people needing meds (as the result of suffering due to others who themselves really need the help) and having more problems and baggage.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 7:10 pm
hardworking mom wrote:
im not trying to derail any thread im just wondering why no one said anything about what op said about needing meds. You yourself said meds is to heal sick people so why does op feel like she needs it just because shes mad at someone


https://www.mayoclinic.org/dis.....73926

This link is from the mayo clinic about intermittent explosive disorder. Which just from the brief summary sounds like it could be an issue OP might be dealing with. Or it could be something else I'm not a professional. She should talk to a professional to sort it out.

Plus mood stabilizers can help with anger issues. And there is regular anger and anger that prevents you from getting on in life. To my untrained ear it sounds like OP might be dealing with the latter type.
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amother




Taupe
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 7:14 pm
IMO, a person should go to a professional before considering meds. It is the professional's job to suggest meds if appropriate.
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amother




Firethorn
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:28 pm
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:16 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am very very angry. I should be in therapy and maybe on medication, but I'm not. Point is, there is no way I can forgive this year.

I know some Holocaust survivors forgave the Nazis, but I understand it usually took years and years, not the first RH/YK of freedom, or while they were in the camps.

So if I can't forgive, is there any chizuk of what else I could do to have a meaningful holiday?

I was going to pray davka that Gd punish those who harmed me, perhaps if I just try not to think of those who harmed me or the harm done, that would be enough?


*** I don't want to talk about who hurt me or how, that would open a huge can of worms and isn't the point right now ***


Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.
I owe it to you to read the whole thread but I don't have time now. BeH later.
I don't know about the forgiving Nazis things. It's more a matter of coming to terms. I don't know how they do that.
A part of you might be feeling that it's wrong to go into RH with hekpeidos against people; will Hashem have them on me. I would table that for now. What I think might be the most practical thing to do now is to do as Rav Hirsch says on the words "vayinkom" in Av Harachamim. Trust that there is a RBSH"O Who's keeping perfect score. At some point, in one world, your tormentors will get what they deserve, and you and they will understand everything. Maybe you can leave it for Hashem. And then try your best to live a life of integrity and meaning. And if it involves talking against them to rehabilitate your reputation ask a rav about how to go about it. Done the right way it's mutar and you should be able to sleep knowing you did the right thing.

Please forgive me if I'm incredibly and painfully off target here. I don't think I have time to read more to see how much you've shared.

Have a Shabbos menucha!
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amother




Sand
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:26 pm
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
IMO, a person should go to a professional before considering meds. It is the professional's job to suggest meds if appropriate.


Not all therapists will recommend a patient consult with a prescriber (and most therapists are not prescribers)--unless there is intense danger heaven forbid, but many will refer if the patient says they'd like to discuss the use of medication.
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