Relative making a wedding and Covid vaccine required

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Forum -> Coronavirus Health Questions

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amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 5:53 pm

amother [ Amaranthus ] wrote:

They're crazy but they're also entitled to make whatever dumb rules they want at their own party. But they're crazy. And they better not be offended if they have no guests.

Can you say this in a different way? Why the nasty tone?
I think they are being too extreme in their caution, but that is their right. As long as they understand that many will not attend.
I believe that the biggest part of this makka is the volcano of nastiness that is exploding in the atmosphere.

amother

Jade

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 5:53 pm

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

I have elderly parents who live in a covid-conscious community, and honestly, I don't think your cousins are being unreasonable. On one hand, vaccinated people can still transmit covid, however, the likelihood of vaccinated people contracting covid is a lot lower than their unvaccinated counterparts. I think your cousins are doing what they can to make the simcha safe for everyone. It is not foolproof, but it is minimizing risks. A better way to ensure safety would be to have guests take a rapid test at the door, but this is likely expensive and not feasible. It could be that most people in their circles are anyway vaccinated so they are not excluding a large group of people from attending. What would you suggest to make the simcha safer for their elderly grandparents?

This.

I don’t disagree with the Baal simcha at all.
Their simcha, their rules.
If you are not vaccinated-feel free to stay home. You should not feel pressured to get the vaccine.
The idea of a wedding is to mesamech the chassan and Kallah (and their parents and grandparents) unlike a non-Jewish wedding, it is not about showing your guests a good time. They need to feel comfortable. It is about what works for them, not about accommodating you.

amother

Ecru

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:13 pm

I would ask if they would take positive antibody tests from the week before the wedding.

amother

Aqua

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:16 pm

A relative just made a wedding, not in the US, and she required everyone to have a covid test within a few days before or you could do a rapid test and temp check at the hall. I think asking for vaccinations instead of negative pcr test is silly because many vaccinated people can still be positive with covid. Your relative should have asked for covid tests.

notshanarishona

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:16 pm

Personally I think that it’s useless, don’t gather in a large crowd and dance inches away from people from multiple states if you are immunocompromised or worried of Covid. Regardless of vaccine efficacy, it is 💯 the baal simchas right and not your business to cause machlokes between your relatives and the mechutanim. Unless it’s your sibling’s wedding don’t get involved and don’t get or get vaccinated if it’s important to you.

finprof

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:20 pm

I'm sorry you are upset by this, to me it seems totally normal. In my community, I only know 2 people who aren't vaxxed. Many test weekly for work (hospitals, nursing homes, schools etc.) and ALL wear masks indoors.

amother

Freesia

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you I really thought I was the crazy one
I guess what bothered me also was the fact that my relatives are making the simcha also and they don't have a say they are just going along with it even if they don't agree.
I told them I will take a covid test before but that's not good enough.

But that's your relatives' problem, not yours.

Not your circus, not your monkeys as the saying goes.

#BestBubby

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:25 pm

People who have had Covid (NATURAL IMMUNITY) are the LOWEST risk
for spreading Covid, even if unvaccinated.

So this policy is Anti-Science.

chestnut

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:30 pm

I just feel bad for the OP's relatives who're the mechutanim. It's their and their child's simcha, too, but they're being pushed to exclude their relatives and friends. Not fair.
I agree that asking for the test days before would be better, actually make more sense and really protect the elderly as we all know that vaccinated still spread the virus.

amother

Peony

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:35 pm

Just like some of us wouldn’t feel comfortable going to a wedding full of unmasked and unvaccinated people, your relatives can make the rules for their simcha.

amother

DarkRed

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:37 pm

It’s up to them
But then we just would not be able to go
And I’d hope they would understand.
Challenging all around

amother

Ecru

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 6:38 pm

Does this mean no kids under 12, even if they're siblings or grandkids or first cousins? Or are there none of those?

rae

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 7:02 pm

What about the waiters? The caterers, the photographers and musicians??
Sounds like a nightmare.
Are they going to have police by the door? What a way to start a new marriage.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 7:08 pm

Why would it be unreasonable for them to do whatever they can to protect their elderly and immunocompromised guests?
Im sure it's very difficult for you to attend this way, and you certainly dont need to.
But what they are doing is certainly not unreasonable.
Having full weddings with absolutely no rules or vetting, during the Delta variant, is more unreasonable, but anyone who would dare write a post about that would simply be told "so dont go".

rae

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 7:20 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

You’re right. Just hoping both sides agree. They do get to make the rules.

chocolatecake

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 7:21 pm

I personally am fully vaxxed and can not stand wearing masks. If a wedding requires masks I would not go.

amother

DarkRed

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 7:26 pm

It’s very tricky with chasuna when you are the Baal hasimcha with another family you don’t even really know yet. It’s a very delicate dance. As much as I wouldn’t do these rules I have to say I’d have a challenging time disagreeing with almost anything the mechitenistim to be want - requires extreme diplomacy at times but creates a Keli for brochos. Would do whatever possible to avoid machlokes.
I’d just invite everyone who couldn’t come to a big sheva Brocha.
Certainly the new couple does not want any tension or to be put in the middle.
As the Baal hasimcha I’d be mevater as a guest I wouldn’t go.
May it all be with brocha v hatzlocha!

amother

Firethorn

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 7:52 pm

I attended a wedding a few weeks ago.
One guest was feeling under the weather but tested negative for Covid that morning. All family members and most guests double vaxxed.
Guess what? The guest was positive a couple of days later. Within a week, many (vaxxed) members of the family and other guests were positive, too.
G-d runs the world. Sorry that you'll miss this wedding, OP, but it's probably best. Who knows if people will catch Covid there and you'll get blamed?

amother

Diamond

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 7:57 pm

I'm in a position right now where I cannot vaccinate. Because of my specific condition while I'm pregnant, doctor told me to wait till after baby is born. I got Covid a few weeks ago and took monoclonal treatment and am not allowed to vaccinate till a few months after. I am probably more protected against Covid than any of the vaxxed people bc monoclonal provides very high amount of antibodies. Sorry but it is stupid to go according to vaccination only. Some people cannot vaccinate. And honestly, antibody numbers are a much better indication of who is at risk or not. If this would be my family and they would exclude me, I'd be pissed. Especially as scientifically I'm not at risk for Covid or spreading it right now.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:01 pm

amother [ Firethorn ] wrote:

This drives home the point that it is impossible to really protect everyone, whether you provide negative tests or proof of vaccination. People who are elderly or immunocompromised and are concerned about catching covid unfortunately cannot safely participate in social gatherings yet without risk. My parents would not go to a wedding, it’s too risky for them. If a close family member would get married then they would probably come for the chuppa and stay away from everyone else. I don’t think this is unreasonable or overly cautious- I think the risk is really just not worth it to them and that’s a choice they’re willing to make.

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