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Relative making a wedding and Covid vaccine required
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amother




Midnight
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:21 am
I don't think their rules are dumb at all. As for vaccinated people getting Covid, their cases are less severe.
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amother




Heather
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 10:07 am
I don't get all the outrage and boycott threats. This is the situation now in Israel. We had a family wedding. Were told to brung tav yarok, get little kids tested, etc. In the end nobody even checked but we all knew the situation
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amother




Ecru
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 10:17 am
amother [ Heather ] wrote:
I don't get all the outrage and boycott threats. This is the situation now in Israel. We had a family wedding. Were told to brung tav yarok, get little kids tested, etc. In the end nobody even checked but we all knew the situation


OP would be fine with Israel's rules. They would have teudot hachlamah, and/or test everyone. The US is very focused on vaccines above all. I am pro vaccine, but like many of my fellow pro vaccine friends, I recognize what Israel does- that recovery and positive antibody tests are just as good. (In fact, someone I know in Israel got a teudat hachlamah based on an antibody test that came back positive because they were vaccinated outside Israel.) So we can respect being really careful, but don't understand why that can't include recently having covid or positive antibody tests. It feels overly rigid- not to insist on safety, but to insist for only one method.

That being said, if the hosts have turned down antibody tests as a way to get in, OP is stuck. Maybe an outdoor chuppah with a separate standing section would. e nice, but she doesn't make the rules.
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amother




Diamond
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 10:25 am
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
OP would be fine with Israel's rules. They would have teudot hachlamah, and/or test everyone. The US is very focused on vaccines above all. I am pro vaccine, but like many of my fellow pro vaccine friends, I recognize what Israel does- that recovery and positive antibody tests are just as good. (In fact, someone I know in Israel got a teudat hachlamah based on an antibody test that came back positive because they were vaccinated outside Israel.) So we can respect being really careful, but don't understand why that can't include recently having covid or positive antibody tests. It feels overly rigid- not to insist on safety, but to insist for only one method.

This. Thank you. If they really have safety in mind, antibody count is a much better prediction than someone being vaxxed. The fact that they Davka insist on Vaxxed only, seems to me that they have a different agenda in mind other than just safety.
I just took monoclonal. I can't vax for a few months after and probably have a higher antibody count from recent Covid plus monoclonal than most vaxxed people.
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amother




Midnight
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 11:23 am
amother [ Diamond ] wrote:
This. Thank you. If they really have safety in mind, antibody count is a much better prediction than someone being vaxxed. The fact that they Davka insist on Vaxxed only, seems to me that they have a different agenda in mind other than just safety.
I just took monoclonal. I can't vax for a few months after and probably have a higher antibody count from recent Covid plus monoclonal than most vaxxed people.
Have you been tested for antibodies recently?
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gootlfriends




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 11:29 am
I was recently disinvited from a wedding because covid numbers are up. I was not offended. Its not like they had a personal reason to disinvited. Safety concerns. If another virus was going around that could be dangerous I would totally understand then too.
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amother




Mintgreen
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 11:43 am
Mazel tov on your simcha. Unfortunately, we will be unable to attend.

That's it.

People are entitled to make their own decisions on the level of risk they are willing to take at their simchas. What tremendous chutzpah to criticize them for their decisions; and demand that they accept the level of risk that you deem acceptable.

In any case, if the simcha is in NYC, it is the law that all staff must be vaccinated, as must all guests.
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 11:50 am
Firethorn, I'd have wondered if we attended the same wedding, except that at the one I attended, the baalei hasimcha were neither vaxxed nor masked, several were hospitalized and R"L one of them was nifter.
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amother




Ecru
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 11:55 am
amother [ Mintgreen ] wrote:


In any case, if the simcha is in NYC, it is the law that all staff must be vaccinated, as must all guests.


Interesting. I missed that somehow. It explains why all the recent weddings I've known have been outside the city. What's NYC's policy on kids? Like, say, the kids of the bride and groom, or siblings?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 11:56 am
I think what is bothering me is that my relatives are making the simcha also and the other side is not willing to compromise at all.
Have people test 24 hours before or have their elderly grandparents come and then leave so the non vaxxers could come wish Mazel tov, something to show they care about the other side.
My kids won't be able to go (1st cousins) because they are too young to get vaxxed plus they have antibodies.
Nieces and nephews won't be there for same reason.
Funny thing is that my relatives will be staying in my house when they come so I really don't see any different if I go there and stand outside.
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amother




Mintgreen
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 12:01 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
Interesting. I missed that somehow. It explains why all the recent weddings I've known have been outside the city. What's NYC's policy on kids? Like, say, the kids of the bride and groom, or siblings?


Because kids under 12 cannot be vaccinated, they are permitted to be in the establishments to which this applies.
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amother




Ecru
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 12:05 pm
amother [ Mintgreen ] wrote:
Because kids under 12 cannot be vaccinated, they are permitted to be in the establishments to which this applies.


Got it. Sounds like OP's family simcha is being stricter than that.
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nylon




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 2:38 pm
It's not always the baal simcha making these rules. I was invited to two weddings recently, different venues, where the *venue* required that I submit proof of Covid vaccination. And yes, they enforced it for employees and anyone you hired to come to the venue.
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amother




Firethorn
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 2:45 pm
amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:
Firethorn, I'd have wondered if we attended the same wedding, except that at the one I attended, the baalei hasimcha were neither vaxxed nor masked, several were hospitalized and R"L one of them was nifter.


I doubt it. Nobody was masked at this wedding. Most of the people who caught it (including the chassan and kallah!) were fully vaccinated, not sure about the "patient zero" and afaik nobody was hospitalized or worse.
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groisamomma




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 2:55 pm
The baal simcha sounds like a control freak.
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 2:58 pm
groisamomma wrote:
The baal simcha sounds like a control freak.

I disagree. Let’s not pathologize people who are trying to do the best they can to keep people safe. I know I’ll get hugged for this.
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 3:07 pm
amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:
I disagree. Let’s not pathologize people who are trying to do the best they can to keep people safe. I know I’ll get hugged for this.


Here's a hug from me; I mean it the way it was originally intended, not the way it was perverted.
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chanchy123




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 3:54 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I think what is bothering me is that my relatives are making the simcha also and the other side is not willing to compromise at all.
Have people test 24 hours before or have their elderly grandparents come and then leave so the non vaxxers could come wish Mazel tov, something to show they care about the other side.
My kids won't be able to go (1st cousins) because they are too young to get vaxxed plus they have antibodies.
Nieces and nephews won't be there for same reason.
Funny thing is that my relatives will be staying in my house when they come so I really don't see any different if I go there and stand outside.

OP I wish vaccination was not such a charged topic in the U.S. and people on both sides of this issue would use more common sense and less digging trenches.
It is what it is, especially since it is the other side dictating the rules and not your relatives. Since they will be staying with you, you will have time to support and share the simcha with them even if you can’t attend. Maybe offer to host a sheva brachot outside for the young couple?
Life is too short and family is too important to waste time being angry or offended. It’s obviously not your family members who are making the rules, so why cause discord between them and their future in laws?
It’s such a shame that the entrenchment on both sides has gone this far, it’s crazy that this has happened in the U.S. and yes I am very pro vaxx and I understand the family making the wedding probably more than your family’s refusal to vaccinate, but there are solutions, as have been suggested here, to make everyone feel welcome and safe. It is just a such a shame how this has become an issue of contention within the Jewish community.
This makes me so sad.
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amother




Lightyellow
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 6:32 pm
groisamomma wrote:
The baal simcha sounds like a control freak.

NOPE
just like someone who is very scared and traumatized by their past experience.
Who are we to decide for them?
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amother




Ecru
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 6:52 pm
amother [ Lightyellow ] wrote:
NOPE
just like someone who is very scared and traumatized by their past experience.
Who are we to decide for them?


It also may not be coming from the other side's parents, but from the grandparents on that side. Or from the mechutaneste's sister or brother, on behalf of the grandparents.
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