Home

My daughter still loves me
1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:27 pm
Ive been a nervous wreck today because my little baby cried all day. After putting my kids to bed after yelling threatening etc the guilt sank in. After a while I realized my 6 year old daughter is still up. I figured she must be troubled by all the yelling and threatening going on here. I kissed her goodnight and she goes, mommy I love you you're the best mom ever! My eyes started tearing after hearing such words. Why do I deserve such love from them when im such a nervous wreck of a mother to those innocent kids?!
Back to top

amother




Amaryllis
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:48 pm
We love and teach our children so much, but at the end of the day, they're the ones who teach us how to love Heart
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:49 pm
Kids never stop loving their parents. It’s essential to their survival.
Back to top

amother




Bone
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:51 pm
Zehava wrote:
Kids never stop loving their parents. It’s essential to their survival.


I don’t love my mother. She just broke me, she never built me up.
Back to top

amother




Navyblue
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:07 pm
amother [ Bone ] wrote:
I don’t love my mother. She just broke me, she never built me up.


I agree, even as a young child when all my friends would all say “my mother is the best” and everyone would argue that theirs is, I just say there quietly knowing my mother was definitely not best. we were neglected by her all our life because of her own emotional issues. She definitely doesn’t love us and we didn’t ever think that she does.
Back to top

LeeR




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:08 pm
amother [ Bone ] wrote:
I don’t love my mother. She just broke me, she never built me up.


Correct me if I’m wrong, but you probably loved her when you were a kid.

It’s when you became an adult and didn’t need her for survival that you stopped loving her, or realized the love wasn’t so “real.”
Back to top

LeeR




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:08 pm
amother [ Navyblue ] wrote:
I agree, even as a young child when all my friends would all say “my mother is the best” and everyone would argue that theirs is, I just say there quietly knowing my mother was definitely not best. we were neglected by her all our life because of her own emotional issues. She definitely doesn’t love us and we didn’t ever think that she does.


Loving someone and thinking they’re the best are very different.
Back to top

amother




Bone
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:10 pm
LeeR wrote:
Correct me if I’m wrong, but you probably loved her when you were a kid.

It’s when you became an adult and didn’t need her for survival that you stopped loving her, or realized the love wasn’t so “real.”


No. But my mother sounds like she was a thousand times worse than op. But I was just responding to Zahava that not every kid loves their parents.

As a kid she beat me with her slipper, threatened my father with a knife, embarrassed me in public, never complimented me, criticized any grade under 100, never once bought me a treat or a present or a pink frilly anything, never hugged or kissed me or told me she loved me.
Back to top

amother




Banana
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:13 pm
Take it as a message from Hashem, that he knows your trying even though you might mess up some days. When your feeling overwhelmed remember that moment and how much she loves you, and it will help you treat her more kindly.
Back to top

amother




Mocha
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:14 pm
Zehava wrote:
Kids never stop loving their parents. It’s essential to their survival.

And since they can't hate their mother, they learn to hate themselves. Crying
Back to top

LeeR




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:16 pm
amother [ Bone ] wrote:
No. But my mother sounds like she was a thousand times worse than op. But I was just responding to Zahava that not every kid loves their parents.

As a kid she beat me with her slipper, threatened my father with a knife, embarrassed me in public, never complimented me, criticized any grade under 100, never once bought me a treat or a present or a pink frilly anything, never hugged or kissed me or told me she loved me.


I’m so sorry. I hope you found healing and peace.
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:17 pm
amother [ Bone ] wrote:
No. But my mother sounds like she was a thousand times worse than op. But I was just responding to Zahava that not every kid loves their parents.

As a kid she beat me with her slipper, threatened my father with a knife, embarrassed me in public, never complimented me, criticized any grade under 100, never once bought me a treat or a present or a pink frilly anything, never hugged or kissed me or told me she loved me.

I’m really sorry. And I’m not here to invalidate your experience nor tell you how You feel.
But love can be complicated and take on different forms, as can grief and anger. And all of those can intertwine into such a mess we don’t know where one ends and the other begins.
As little kids we are biologically hardwired to love our parents because we depend on them for survival. If they abuse and neglect us we assume something must be wrong with us and we stop loving ourselves.
That doesn’t mean that love takes on the form of love notes or even a conscious feeling of affection. In situations of abuse it can take the form of grief, anger, abandonment depression, or more.
Wishing you loads of healing
Back to top

amother




Freesia
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:25 pm
LeeR wrote:
Correct me if I’m wrong, but you probably loved her when you were a kid.

It’s when you became an adult and didn’t need her for survival that you stopped loving her, or realized the love wasn’t so “real.”


No I never loved my mother either I just wished she would love me. And if she would, I'd love her back. That's what zehava means. Kids always want to love their parents.
Back to top

amother




Bone
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:30 pm
Zehava wrote:
I’m really sorry. And I’m not here to invalidate your experience nor tell you how You feel.
But love can be complicated and take on different forms, as can grief and anger. And all of those can intertwine into such a mess we don’t know where one ends and the other begins.
As little kids we are biologically hardwired to love our parents because we depend on them for survival. If they abuse and neglect us we assume something must be wrong with us and we stop loving ourselves.
That doesn’t mean that love takes on the form of love notes or even a conscious feeling of affection. In situations of abuse it can take the form of grief, anger, abandonment depression, or more.
Wishing you loads of healing


If anger, shame, hatred, and wishing and praying she would die equals love, then I guess I did love her but I don’t think that love.

Luckily I have a father to love and it’s possible my young self knew he was the only parent I could safely love.
Back to top

honeymoon




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:31 pm
amother [ Freesia ] wrote:
No I never loved my mother either I just wished she would love me. And if she would, I'd love her back. That's what zehava means. Kids always want to love their parents.


Your longing to love her is your unique expression of the natural love a child has to their parent, albeit in a twisted and unnatural way, which is a result of the unnatural way your parent related to you. Wishing you healing.
Back to top

amother




Freesia
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:34 pm
honeymoon wrote:
Your longing to love her is your unique expression of the natural love a child has to their parent, albeit in a twisted and unnatural way, which is a result of the unnatural way your parent related to you. Wishing you healing.


I don't want to love her. I want her to love me. If she would love me then I would have loved her as a child. Now I don't want to love her. I love my children and I don't have any more love to give besides for what I give them.
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 11:01 pm
amother [ Bone ] wrote:
If anger, shame, hatred, and wishing and praying she would die equals love, then I guess I did love her but I don’t think that love.

Luckily I have a father to love and it’s possible my young self knew he was the only parent I could safely love.

“The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference”
Back to top

honeymoon




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 11:04 pm
amother [ Freesia ] wrote:
I don't want to love her. I want her to love me. If she would love me then I would have loved her as a child. Now I don't want to love her. I love my children and I don't have any more love to give besides for what I give them.


Your feelings are perfectly valid. You didn't ask for anything outrageous when you wished for a mother's love. Heart
Back to top

behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 11:07 pm
You are loveable. You are imperfect. I bet she knows you love her very much.
Back to top

amother




Bone
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 11:23 pm
Zehava wrote:
“The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference”


I hate the evil men who committed the atrocities of 9/11. Does that mean I love them?

I am grateful to experience true love. I love my father. I love my husband. I love my children. I love my mother in law. I love myself.

I do not love my mother.
Back to top
1, 2  Next Recent Topics

Page 1 of 2 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Is the pediatrician right about my daughter? Re ADHD
by amother
22 Today at 10:16 am View last post
I cannot handle my daughter. I'm done.
by amother
90 Today at 2:22 am View last post
Teenaged daughter felt uncomfortable when male doctor
by amother
79 Today at 12:52 am View last post
Adenoids removed still always congested
by Sarah S
11 Yesterday at 1:25 pm View last post
[ Poll ] Are healthy vaccinated people still worried about Covid?
by amother
16 Thu, Oct 21 2021, 8:59 pm View last post