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-> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections
-> The Imamother Writing Club
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amother
Royalblue
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 Tue, Oct 12 2021, 4:42 am
Do you want to get married, Eli doesn't ask.
Omg I'm blushing and I've read actual dirty romance 
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amother
Razzmatazz
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 5:29 am
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Wooow!!! Great update! It’s full of tochen 👌
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English3
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 5:33 am
I am loving this serial!!!
Thank you for keeping us entertained.
Don't you think we need to pay you for entertaining us?
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Username1
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 9:14 am
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Hey OP, I work for a frum publisher and I love this! Would love to talk--can you PM me?
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Siriusly?
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 9:53 am
OP, I love your story! Can't wait for the next instalment!
Can someone summarise the first version for me? I started the first few paragraphs when it was first posted, got busy, and when I came back it was gone.... all the comments are making me curious!
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amother
Apricot
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 11:22 am
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I love to read but have no patience to read books in my hectic life...but this is serious talent...I hang onto every word. Keep going here, and take your talent to the next level too!
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amother
Razzmatazz
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 11:27 am
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amother
Razzmatazz
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 11:28 am
| Siriusly? wrote: | OP, I love your story! Can't wait for the next instalment!
Can someone summarise the first version for me? I started the first few paragraphs when it was first posted, got busy, and when I came back it was gone.... all the comments are making me curious! |
It’s updated on page 4.
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amother
Steelblue
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 11:58 am
So. Much. I. Identify. With.
You may have written this for silly fun, but it's as if you read my struggles (more likely my struggles must be common ).
I feel like a piece of garbage when my husband cooks alot of shabbos cuz I'm not managing even though he says he doesn't mind.
Thank you so much for writing and sharing!
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amother
OP
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 1:53 pm
| Siriusly? wrote: | OP, I love your story! Can't wait for the next instalment!
Can someone summarise the first version for me? I started the first few paragraphs when it was first posted, got busy, and when I came back it was gone.... all the comments are making me curious! |
In the first version, which ended earlier but was otherwise basically the same, Chava marries Levi. After all the outrage, I had to make some changes… 
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amother
Lightgreen
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 3:34 pm
Soooo good. Something else has got to happen, I just feel it.
Also, if you’re looking to fill in some stuff. how does the apartment have room for 17 guys? How is shabbos like (she eats in the kitchen? Does she go in for kiddish? Light candles for everyone?) why can’t she have contact with the other girls but they can have contact for a dating conference?
Anxiously awaiting the next one.
Thank u!
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amother
OP
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 7:25 pm
| amother [ Lightgreen ] wrote: | | Something else has got to happen, I just feel it. |
Actually, not totally sure what to do next. We're up to 20,000 words, and based on how novellas work, that means we should be winding down now to the happy (of course) ending. If I introduce a major plot twist now, it will end up WAY longer!
| Quote: | | Also, if you’re looking to fill in some stuff. how does the apartment have room for 17 guys? How is shabbos like (she eats in the kitchen? Does she go in for kiddish? Light candles for everyone?) why can’t she have contact with the other girls but they can have contact for a dating conference? |
Room for 17 guys:
Chava has room for seven, based on two beds and two trundles in the bedroom, plus a sofabed and two inflatable mattresses. Since she took ten, probably bochurim slept on the two recliners, and did need to share the sofabed. When seven more packed in, some may have had to sleep on the floor or under the table, or even sleep in shifts. Certainly crowded!
Shabbos:
I envisioned the kitchen as having a pass-through, so Chava probably ate in the kitchen and heard Kiddush from there. She definitely bentched licht for them, possibly on the counter instead of on the table.
Contact with other girls:
In general, the apartments are not allowed to have any contact with each other, until the last six months of the study. But due to the mixup, they temporarily allowed it for these few weeks. They'll be back to solitary (with their spouses) pretty soon IY"H.
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amother
Burntblack
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:51 pm
Oh wow op I love it!!!
Can we please have a scene in the beginning where Chava opens the food box and finds the random way stuff and serves them for breakfast? Something relatable that we all (most?) went thru w the coronavirus food boxes
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amother
Honeydew
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 9:23 pm
Avid reader here.
I don’t like romance novels.
Yet I love your novel.
Plenty of tochen. Yet not pedantic or boring.
And written so well.
So engaging.
Calling it a romance novel really doesn’t do your writing justice.
It’s about life hashkafa and real people with genuine emotions.
All in a delicious unique wrapper.
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GOODMOM
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 11:06 pm
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OP you're an excellent writer ke'h. I keep on checking if you've added something to your amazing novel. Love your writing so far and I enjoy it too. Hatzlacha.
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amother
Steelblue
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Wed, Oct 13 2021, 12:14 pm
So let me get this right.
Op has a fictional story to tell that she's embarassed of since it's "silly". She posts it anonymously.
After she shares it, it so turns out that the characters and their developement are packed with tochen. The story is playful, light and full of action as well.
The dystopian universe she created years ago has governments writting isolation rules which are extemely popular for the common good while being enforced nonsensicaly.
I see anivus, tochen and maybe a little, um, sense of what the future holds.
Op, do you do private consultations?
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amother
Lightgreen
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Wed, Oct 13 2021, 12:16 pm
| amother [ Steelblue ] wrote: | So let me get this right.
Op has a fictional story to tell that she's embarassed of since it's "silly". She posts it anonymously.
After she shares it, it so turns out that the characters and their developement are packed with tochen. The story is playful, light and full of action as well.
The dystopian universe she created years ago has governments writting isolation rules which are extemely popular for the common good while being enforced nonsensicaly.
I see anivus, tochen and maybe a little, um, sense of what the future holds.
Op, do you do private consultations? |
Agreed. But I thought this was an update 
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Siriusly?
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Wed, Oct 13 2021, 1:10 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | Actually, not totally sure what to do next. We're up to 20,000 words, and based on how novellas work, that means we should be winding down now to the happy (of course) ending. If I introduce a major plot twist now, it will end up WAY longer! |
I think you should totally make it a full-length novel! Add a great plot twist now and flesh out the beginning so we get to know the boys' characters a little more (you can make it from their perspective, so Chava stays a tznius girl who won't talk to boys and as a plus we get a view of the situation from the boys' end as well).
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amother
Honeydew
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Wed, Oct 13 2021, 1:25 pm
Op you can help justify your time and energy by giving some tzedaka off your hopefully huge profits to come, I am preordering for me and all the many readers in my life...
you see your focus group here genuinely LOVES it and is clamoring for more more more...
like JK Rowling l'havdil you are hitting on the major issues that really resonate for people microcosm and macrocosm....
now if only you can factor in the personal geulah and how we help bring the Geulah Shleimah by doing our avodah....ah getting ahead of the story a bit here....
awesome how you incorporate it all engagingly without hitting anyone over the head with it
you have an amazingly light touch
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