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I never received a Bracha from my parents on erev Yom Kippur
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:24 pm
Even though I’m a parent myself, I still feel so sad about it.
& I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t even know it was an inyan to bless my children on erev Yom Kippur.
But now that I do, is there a specific Tfilah?
Or do I just make up my own words?
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amother




Caramel
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:26 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Even though I’m a parent myself, I still feel so sad about it.
& I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t even know it was an inyan to bless my children on erev Yom Kippur.
But now that I do, is there a specific Tfilah?
Or do I just make up my own words?

There's a tefilah. You should be able to find it in the beginning of your machzor
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amother




Hibiscus
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:29 pm
It's for the father to do, not the mother.
If you're divorced, then maybe a grandfather can do it or it is just skipped.
You can just give a bracha like you would anyone else.
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amother




Latte
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:40 pm
amother [ Hibiscus ] wrote:
It's for the father to do, not the mother.
If you're divorced, then maybe a grandfather can do it or it is just skipped.
You can just give a bracha like you would anyone else.


In my family it is the one time a year the mothers give the bracha.
The father gets every friday night.

I always call my adult kids erev yom kippur-and they know to pick up the phone!
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amother




Hibiscus
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:41 pm
amother [ Latte ] wrote:
In my family it is the one time a year the mothers give the bracha.
The father gets every friday night.

I always call my adult kids erev yom kippur-and they know to pick up the phone!


What circles are you?
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:42 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Even though I’m a parent myself, I still feel so sad about it.
& I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t even know it was an inyan to bless my children on erev Yom Kippur.
But now that I do, is there a specific Tfilah?
Or do I just make up my own words?


I never had it growing up, and I turned out totally fine! I'm sure your mother and father davened for you all Yom Kippur. It doesn't mean that a parent didn't love you or care enough about you. You are loved.

The tefilah is at the beginning of your machzor, and it's beautiful to want to do this for your children. You should tell them how you daven for them every day, which I'm sure you do. Not just once a year.
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amother




Snow
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:42 pm
My siblings and I weren’t either given brachos erev Yom Kippur. I come from a normal frum family. I just guess my grandfather didn’t bentch my father?You’re not alone.
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amother




Royalblue
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:54 pm
amother [ Latte ] wrote:
In my family it is the one time a year the mothers give the bracha.
The father gets every friday night.

I always call my adult kids erev yom kippur-and they know to pick up the phone!


Interesting. In my family of origin it's the one time a year my father gives a bracha. It's my mother who gives a bracha on Friday nights.

DH's father gives a bracha Friday night and his mother doesn't so in our house we both give brachos Friday night. We both give the long bracha before Y"K too.
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amother




Amaryllis
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:56 pm
We get bentched by both my parents on erev Yom Kippur. We also always got bentched by both my parents on Friday night. We do the same with our children.
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scruffy




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Sep 13 2021, 9:57 pm
My father bentched us Friday night and both parents bentched us on Erev Yom Kippur. We would try to make it to all my grandparents or at least call them for the bracha on Erev YK too.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 2:29 am
amother [ Hibiscus ] wrote:
It's for the father to do, not the mother.
If you're divorced, then maybe a grandfather can do it or it is just skipped.
You can just give a bracha like you would anyone else.
If you look inside the artscroll machzor, it actually says parents, not father.
I know many households where each parent individually blesses each child.
Nothing wrong, just more brachot to go around Smile

Same with the friday night bracha as well.
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amother




Cherry
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 5:22 am
I grew up being bentched by my mother every Friday night and erev YK because my parents were divorced and my father could never bother to call us.
DH was never bentched by either parent in his entire life.
I bentch my children Friday night and erev YK because DH isn't into it and I like the minhag.
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twizzlers1




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 5:29 am
It's not too late! I'm not even in the same country as my dad and I call him every single week to get a bracha. Even when he was sick in the hospital he somehow managed to pick up the phone to give me the blessing. And I give my kids every Friday night as well. I even gave my new daughter-in-law one Don't see any reason not to be generous with blessings!
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 6:48 am
I only recall my mother doing it after my parents were divorced , but it could be that my father did it on Erev Yom Kippur and I just don’t remember.
When my inlaws lived in our town my DH always made sure to visit them Erev Yom Kippur so he would get his bracha. My FIL would call to remind him. He would bentch the grandkids also.
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 7:44 am
I didn’t grow up with this either. My husband did and he blesses the kids.
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amother




DarkViolet
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 12:18 pm
I didn't either and didn't know it was a thing till my kids asked me to bench them. I'm neither embarrassed not distressed. Why should I be? That's in the past and doesn't affect the present. My sons who no longer live here call me erev YK and ask me to bench them over the phone, which I'm happy to do.
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amother




Hibiscus
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 12:56 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
If you look inside the artscroll machzor, it actually says parents, not father.
I know many households where each parent individually blesses each child.
Nothing wrong, just more brachot to go around Smile

Same with the friday night bracha as well.


I actually asked a shaila about this and I was told it is not for the mother to do.
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OOTforlife




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 1:08 pm
amother [ Hibiscus ] wrote:
I actually asked a shaila about this and I was told it is not for the mother to do.

Some hold that way, but not everyone.

Quote:
In some homes the father gives the blessing to each child; in others it is both parents.

https://www.aish.com/sh/ht/fn/48966831.html
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amother




Beige
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 1:25 pm
amother [ Hibiscus ] wrote:
I actually asked a shaila about this and I was told it is not for the mother to do.


My mil bentched all her kids every Friday night, so I do too 🤷‍♀️ it's like my dh's minhag I guess. I love it, think it's very special.
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amother




DarkViolet
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 6:24 pm
amother [ Hibiscus ] wrote:
I actually asked a shaila about this and I was told it is not for the mother to do.


One has to wonder why anyone would object to a parent of either gender blessing their own child.
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