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Help me manage the next few weeks - ds with social anxiety

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 9:41 am
Help me manage the next few weeks!

DS is eight. Does well socially in school. At home he refuses to leave the house (other than a few minutes outside with his younger brother). I see all the other boys his age outside playing all day. He has no interest. He doesn’t either want to invite a boy inside or go to a friend’s house. He just wants to stay home, play with his younger siblings, and tell me he is bored Wink or play with me.
I think it’s a mixture of being an introvert, anxiety, and social anxiety (nothing too extreme because he does succeed socially in school, but I think it’s there somewhat).

How am I going to manage the next few weeks with so much of him being inside, taking so loud, running around the house, complaining he is bored (so play with a friend!!!!), wanting me to play a million games with him, fighting with siblings…???
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mom!




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 10:14 am
Is there a neighbor who bullies? Especially since he does well socially in school, this may be something to look at.
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behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 10:18 am
Get a toy that YOU will want to play with him.
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amother




Lightcoral
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 11:13 am
Tell him he can be inside but he's not allowed to be loud or complain. He's old enough to play quietly.
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bigsis144




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 11:19 am
My 12 year old is like this. He gets along well enough at school, but is so particular about what games to play and who in his class is “too annoying” that he never ever interacts with peers willingly outside of school.

I am utterly exhausted from being his boredom reprieve. He doesn’t go to shul, he doesn’t meet with classmates, he won’t go to the library before Shabbos/Yom Tov to pick out books, he doesn’t like the “just in case” books I picked out for him, I bought a new Lego set and he’s like “this will only keep me busy for an hour. What else did you get?”. The board games he prefers are complex enough that his younger siblings are often excluded, so I have to balance everyone’s needs instead of either focusing on him or letting them entertain each other.

I took his other siblings to shul/the park on rosh hashana and came back at 2pm to him yelling at me “where WERE you??? What was I supposed to do this whole time??? I’M BORED!!! What took you so long????” and it’s like, dude, there’s a park outside of shul and your siblings have been playing there for the last 3 1/2 hours. The shul schedule on the fridge says there is a second shofar at 1:40 and then Tatty and the rest of us would walk home from shul. This is not unexpected. I asked you to come and you refused. Stop making this my problem.

But I can know I’m right and he’s still impossible.

😑
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 11:26 am
behappy2 wrote:
Get a toy that YOU will want to play with him.


While I am cooking and cleaning and napping the baby and bathing and trying to take a bite to eat and maybe maybe relax? Wink
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 11:26 am
mom! wrote:
Is there a neighbor who bullies? Especially since he does well socially in school, this may be something to look at.


No. I know all the boys. I’ve watched their interactions. And I’ve asked my son many times.
Some of them are more athletic so that’s not his speed but there are quite a few gentler boys
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amother




Coral
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 11:27 am
amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:
Tell him he can be inside but he's not allowed to be loud or complain. He's old enough to play quietly.

For one afternoon yes, not for the next 2 weeks!!!
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amother




Coral
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 11:28 am
How does he do if you invite a friend over? One at a time?
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 12:04 pm
amother [ Coral ] wrote:
How does he do if you invite a friend over? One at a time?


He refuses to. A day this age I can’t do it myself for him.
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simcha2




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 15 2021, 12:13 pm
It can be hard to approach a big group - even if you are friendly with them.

Can you invite one boy over (in advance) for a play date? Maybe having something definitely arranged will take away the anxiety of approaching.
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