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Children argue at the table
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simcha2




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 8:37 am
What are you doing to support your daughters? (Physically protect, emotional support etc). Is your attention always on ds's behavior?
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amother




Iris
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 8:40 am
amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:
How high functioning can he be, if he's abusing your other children on a regular basis? Violence in the home is not OK, no matter what the diagnosis is. Your other kids deserve a safe place to live.


You obviously know nothing about the definition of ‘high functioning’. Yet u are Quick to place
Judgement
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amother




SandyBrown
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 8:46 am
amother [ Iris ] wrote:
You obviously know nothing about the definition of ‘high functioning’. Yet u are Quick to place
Judgement


You obviously know nothing about me or my family, yet you are quick to place judgement.
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amother




Iris
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 8:49 am
amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:
You obviously know nothing about me or my family, yet you are quick to place judgement.


Do you have a child with high functioning autism?

High-functioning autism (HFA) is an autism classification where a person exhibits no intellectual disability, but may exhibit deficits in communication, emotion recognition and expression, and social interaction.
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amother




NeonPurple
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 8:49 am
If he is not ok around the others he takes a breather, give him some choices of places to go for a breather.
Have toys/activities/books that help him refocus and manage his sensory needs.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 8:50 am
amother [ Iris ] wrote:
Also a mom of an ASD high functioning 16 year old son.

What about letting him have some alone time in his room?
My son is youngest in my family & used to resent his nephews/nieces & get angry.
He was gently told by us that if things get too heated & too overwhelming & stimulating for him, he needs to go to his room & just RELAX there. Have things in his room that he enjoys. For mine it’s his keyboard & books.
Group home?? Advice here on ima mother must be taken with a whole box of salt!


Bh he has his own room with his things in it. He goes there all the time.

He is not crazy mad violent with the girls but he does sometimes hurt them without realizing it like today he moved in a bit the chair that one of my kids was sitting on so he could get pass and pushed it too far where she hurt herself on her feet.

No I dont say please stop it. I sat down and explained his behaviour to him. I've told him its unacceptable. My DH also talks with him. I have noticed that it's getting better. Right now he is working together with dd15 to clean up the garden for the succha.

Table setting. Yes I think I'll put him at the end of the table, close enough but not far. It's a small table.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 8:52 am
simcha2 wrote:
What are you doing to support your daughters? (Physically protect, emotional support etc). Is your attention always on ds's behavior?


No my attention is not always on his behaviour. And I do everything I can to protect them.
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amother




Tanzanite
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 8:57 am
Op, I want to point something out that's actually somewhat triggering.
You're title says children fighting. But really when reading the posts, it seems like the emphasis is one specific son's behavior.
But yet, you seem to put the onus on ALL your children to behave.
You need to make sure you are not unfairly expecting your daughters to manage or tiptoe around your son's violence.
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amother




Lightgreen
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 9:02 am
OP I'm sorry about your situation, it's so difficult.
And I'm sorry that your post got hijacked by people arguing.....
I wish I had words of advice, but all I can do is commiserate.
I also have a son with ASD and ADHD (9) who makes the atmosphere on our home quite strained. Constantly bothering, saying mean things, pretending to attack physically or actually doing so. It's like, no matter how many times I remind him the rules, or send him to his room, it JUST DOESN'T STOP. It's like I'm talking to a wall. Dh works really long hours and is exhausted on Shabbos, so it mostly rests on my shoulders. ABA has tried their best, but no long term results. We've tried therapy, not helpful.
There are times when I tell him "I'm sorry but you cannot be in the same room as other people right now. I don't have the energy to keep breaking up fights."
Your post, and the responses, did wake me up and made me realize that I can't stop trying. I need to get help in stopping this dynamic. My heart goes out to my other kids. Maybe I will try switching BCBAs or try another therapist.
I wish the path was a little clearer. I hope you find something to help you, and bring shalom to your home. Sending lots of hugs.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 9:05 am
SEIT here.

Try giving big bribe to twins to ignore DS. That means turning their faces away and pretending not to see or hear anything.

They should sit as far away from DS as possible.

Try adding a leaf to the table.

Ignoring is effective if done consistently. But it takes a few weeks.

And DS will ESCALATE behavior at first DDs should be told.
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