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5 year old doesn't stop talking
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gootlfriends




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 1:59 pm
The only child who acted like that has adhd. Literally couldnt stop talking. When we started meds it was almost frightening how quiet she got.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:06 pm
Actually wondering if she's a little ADHD. She's very impulsive and talks a lot. She gets bored easily
Needs tons of stimulation. Or it could just be a personality. She does well in school and socially so Im not going to evaluate her.

Thanks for all the responses. It gave me a little strength to try to have stronger boundaries with her. Let's see if I can put it into practice. She basically runs the show here.
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:10 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
That's what I want to know. What kind of rules can I make around this?

5 minutes of Mommy not answering? Or can I do it for longer? And how many times a day? She's on the one hand very clingy and chatty and loves company. And on the other hand she is one of 2 so she really does get lonely ..


I was never so regimented as to time it. If I either felt my head was exploding or I was doing work and couldn't focus, I would just say I'm sorry honey I can't respond right now. And dc might keep trying to get my attention, I would repeat patiently, I'm sorry honey. When I'm able to respond I try to respond. Then you can say, Tell me what you wanted to say about your doll's dress, or whatever.

It's a good sign! It means she feels you're safe to share her thoughts with. Try to keep the ratio of you being able to listen, more than you not being able to.

I think as long as there are periods of time during the day when you are truly focused on what she's saying, that's ok. It doesn't have to be every second she wants to share her thoughts that you're available.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:14 pm
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:
I was never so regimented as to time it. If I either felt my head was exploding or I was doing work and couldn't focus, I would just say I'm sorry honey I can't respond right now. And dc might keep trying to get my attention, I would repeat patiently, I'm sorry honey. When I'm able to respond I try to respond. Then you can say, Tell me what you wanted to say about your doll's dress, or whatever.

It's a good sign! It means she feels you're safe to share her thoughts with. Try to keep the ratio of you being able to listen, more than you not being able to.

I think as long as there are periods of time during the day when you are truly focused on what she's saying, that's ok. It doesn't have to be every second she wants to share her thoughts that you're available.


I spend A LOT of time with her. And listen to her A LOT of the time. Thing is sometimes all the talk literally hurts. And there are also lots of emergencies with her. She wants me to stay with her in the bathroom even time she goes. Every time she falls she cries. It's a whole draining situation. Too many things to list. I guess the talking is just the icing on the cake. I don't even have the energy to make the limits usually. Too hard to enforce. She cries and yells.
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amother




Nasturtium
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:16 pm
My ds was like this. his love language I'm convinced is talking to someone.

I learned to try to accept/work with it, and some things that helped were--

1. sometimes I just made listening noises (ooh, hmm, uh-huh....) because it really was too much for me to listen to every little thing....
2. I gave him specific time for attention--5-10 min every other night at bedtime where we would "cuddle" but he always preferred to talk rather than cuddle--which was fine. TBH I often fell asleep after a few min, but he was ok with that. This morphed as he became a teen to talking to me Friday nights after dinner....I'd also start nodding off and trying to stay awake. It was our thing.
3. Now that he's a teen I do sometimes tell him if it's not a good time, that I can talk for a few on this but the rest needs to wait until after dinner/young sibling's bedtime. I make a point of saying I'm very interested in hearing what he has to say, and I can do more later and I want to--then I make good on it.
4. Especially now that he's a teen, I remind myself how important it was when he was younger to keep the lines open and all the more so now. I really don't care what my teens talk to me about as long a they are talking!
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:23 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Actually wondering if she's a little ADHD. She's very impulsive and talks a lot. She gets bored easily
Needs tons of stimulation. Or it could just be a personality. She does well in school and socially so Im not going to evaluate her.

Thanks for all the responses. It gave me a little strength to try to have stronger boundaries with her. Let's see if I can put it into practice. She basically runs the show here.

Adhd is generally not diagnosed before age 7. That’s also the age when the school starts having issues because they have to sit for longer periods of time. At 5 there’s still plenty time to play.
Adhd kids are awesome!
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:25 pm
Tell her Mommy needs some quiet time to think - about 10 minutes at a time. You can use a timer.
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tweety1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:31 pm
I have that kind of kid too. I tell him, I'm sorry shloimy, but mommy is very busy now and I need to concentrate what I'm doing. If you can keep quiet you can stay in the room otherwise you have to go into a different room". Sometimes he ends up staying other times I have to send him into a different room. Usually it's when I'm the kitchen cooking/baking when I need to concentrate on a recipe I send him into the playroom, dining room or the porch.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:33 pm
One of my granddaughters is a chatterbox. She has a standing invitation to call me when Mommy is busy. If I'm available, I'm happy to help.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:36 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
Tell her Mommy needs some quiet time to think - about 10 minutes at a time. You can use a timer.


I like that. Baby steps.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:45 pm
imasinger wrote:
One of my granddaughters is a chatterbox. She has a standing invitation to call me when Mommy is busy. If I'm available, I'm happy to help.


I try to get her to call ppl 😊
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:52 pm
imasinger wrote:
One of my granddaughters is a chatterbox. She has a standing invitation to call me when Mommy is busy. If I'm available, I'm happy to help.


What a good Bubby!
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 4:00 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I spend A LOT of time with her. And listen to her A LOT of the time. Thing is sometimes all the talk literally hurts. And there are also lots of emergencies with her. She wants me to stay with her in the bathroom even time she goes. Every time she falls she cries. It's a whole draining situation. Too many things to list. I guess the talking is just the icing on the cake. I don't even have the energy to make the limits usually. Too hard to enforce. She cries and yells.


No no that's too much. At 5 you shouldn't need to stay with her in the bathroom. You can try setting the limits and see, she might stop the crying and yelling in just a couple days when she understands it's not working. Continue to be validating and kind, but don't cater to her demands and feel resentful.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 4:07 pm
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:
No no that's too much. At 5 you shouldn't need to stay with her in the bathroom. You can try setting the limits and see, she might stop the crying and yelling in just a couple days when she understands it's not working. Continue to be validating and kind, but don't cater to her demands and feel resentful.


I know. I'm just too exhausted to do the work of training her... Vicious cycle I know. But even when I train her she's the type to testt limits. I just don't have the energy...
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dancingqueen




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 4:12 pm
Zehava wrote:
I don’t always fully listen. Sometimes I tell them I can’t respond right now because I’m tired, I’m doing something etc. so I tell them I don’t have the energy to talk much right now but they can talk if they want to. I’ll make some listening noises like hmmm, aha… I have one kid who has no problem just talking even when they know I’m not fully listening.


Agree with all your posts here. I don’t like telling a kid not to talk stam, but if I have to work or do something specific where I’m not available I’ll tell my kid that.
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 4:13 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I spend A LOT of time with her. And listen to her A LOT of the time. Thing is sometimes all the talk literally hurts. And there are also lots of emergencies with her. She wants me to stay with her in the bathroom even time she goes. Every time she falls she cries. It's a whole draining situation. Too many things to list. I guess the talking is just the icing on the cake. I don't even have the energy to make the limits usually. Too hard to enforce. She cries and yells.


I have three kids like this. Incessant talkers, drama queens. I am a very non-alarmist introvert. They get their ADHD from my husband lol. It is very hard!! But there’s no harm in telling her that you’re not available for some time or that you need a little quiet time.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 4:26 pm
How do you all stay calm and stay your ground when she is nudging and getting annoyed and tugging me and crying and just being very incessant.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 4:27 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
How do you all stay calm and stay your ground when she is nudging and getting annoyed and tugging me and crying and just being very incessant.

First step is working through what is triggering you in her behavior
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amother




Chicory
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 4:28 pm
If she’s an anxious type (needing you to stay in the bathroom with her, very dramatic about booboos) it may literally be a compulsion, or, an attempt to drown out intrusive thoughts. I’ve heard of kids like this who stopped doing this when they were treated for anxiety. Note, I am NOT trying to pathologize what might be perfectly normal 5yo behavior, just pointing out what might possibly be going on if there’s a larger picture we’re not seeing. It’s about context.
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amother




Currant
 

Post Fri, Sep 17 2021, 4:35 pm
She will need to learn how to sit quietly in school really soon. You should try helping her learn how to play and read quietly so it won’t be so hard for her in school. Give her stuff to do on her own. You don’t always have to be on hand and avail to answer. You should actually try to delay your response to teach her to be patient.
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