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My boys are such sissies
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:38 pm
Ages 7 and 4. Took them to a park and they don’t want to do anything, too scared to climb, they’d rather just sit and eat our snacks and watch the other kids.

Argh
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banana123




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:39 pm
Nothing wrong with that, if that's what makes them happy.
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:41 pm
Keep taking them they'll get more comfortable over time
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:48 pm
You sound really judgmental. Maybe they're just shy or introverted, and there's really nothing wrong with that.
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amother




Denim
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:49 pm
That's great. Sound like good boys.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:51 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
You sound really judgmental. Maybe they're just shy or introverted, and there's really nothing wrong with that.


One of them is. What I ended up doing is let them sit and eat and then eventually they wanted to go play. Still not the bravest kids in this park but it’s a great step.

I don’t want them to be handicapped by anxiety…
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:54 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don’t want them to be handicapped by anxiety…


So maybe work with them so they'll feel more comfortable in social situations instead of calling them sissies? The name-calling really rubs me the wrong way. You're their mom, you're supposed to be on their side.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
One of them is. What I ended up doing is let them sit and eat and then eventually they wanted to go play. Still not the bravest kids in this park but it’s a great step.

I don’t want them to be handicapped by anxiety…

The only thing that will handicap them is your labels
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:55 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
So maybe work with them so they'll feel more comfortable in social situations instead of calling them sissies? The name-calling really rubs me the wrong way. You're their mom, you're supposed to be on their side.


After sukkos I will be signing up for social skills classes and /or therapy.

I don’t call them names to their face obviously. Venting here let’s me let go of my resentful or triggered feelings and present as happy and nonjudgmental to my kids.
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sub




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:56 pm
They are not sissies. Please don’t call them that. They are cautious, learning, observing. When they are ready they will try things at their pace.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:56 pm
Zehava wrote:
The only thing that will handicap them is your labels


That’s not true. And I never call them labels to their face.
I see what anxiety does to people. It doesn’t let you reach your potential in terms of self, career/finances, relationships…
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amother




Salmon
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:57 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
One of them is. What I ended up doing is let them sit and eat and then eventually they wanted to go play. Still not the bravest kids in this park but it’s a great step.

I don’t want them to be handicapped by anxiety…


You're making way too much out of this.
They're not sissies (hate that word) and they're not going to have anxiety problems. Let them hang out at the park with you, sit on the bench, eat their snack, look up at the clouds, watch the other kids. They'll figure out what they want to do and when they start climbing and using the equipment let them do their thing. If one of them would rather sit and draw what he sees or count how many triangles he can find that's fine too.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:57 pm
sub wrote:
They are not sissies. Please don’t call them that. They are cautious, learning, observing. When they are ready they will try things at their pace.


Thanks. This is a great reframe for me!
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amother




Mayflower
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:58 pm
Calling them names, like sissies, is not helpful, even if not to their faces. If someone else did that, like another child, I would be livid. You have to change that attitude.
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sub




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 2:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
After sukkos I will be signing up for social skills classes and /or therapy.

I don’t call them names to their face obviously. Venting here let’s me let go of my resentful or triggered feelings and present as happy and nonjudgmental to my kids.

Kids feel it, even if you think your faking it well enough. Your a mom whose worried. Understandable. But take a wait and see stance until you have a better picture of their personalities and needs. You and they will be fine. Hatzlocha, bracha, nachas and a great yomtov.


Last edited by sub on Sun, Sep 19 2021, 3:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 3:01 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
After sukkos I will be signing up for social skills classes and /or therapy.

I don’t call them names to their face obviously. Venting here let’s me let go of my resentful or triggered feelings and present as happy and nonjudgmental to my kids.


You feel resentful or triggered because you don't think your kids are brave enough? Why not just let them develop at their own pace?

I agree with the poster who said the kids are probably picking up on your attitude even if you think you're faking it.
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amother




Rainbow
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 3:02 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
After sukkos I will be signing up for social skills classes and /or therapy.

I don’t call them names to their face obviously. Venting here let’s me let go of my resentful or triggered feelings and present as happy and nonjudgmental to my kids.


I have a sensitive boy who's really shy in new surroundings. I'm taking him to soccer classes to overcome it. Find something your boys are good at and foster it. they need to feel good about themselves. If they're afraid of something just acknowledge that fear and let them explore at their own pace.
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amother




Currant
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 3:13 pm
Hi OP
I took my son for OT for other concerns (mostly strength related) but he used to be just like this! (He is 5 now and did OT and PT for around a year) He got a nice amount of therapy, at one point 2x/week OT and 1x per week PT, bh totally covered by insurance. I feel like it made such a difference for him. And I dont know if it was so much the therapy or also the exposure. The therapy was part of it since he was afraid of slides, didn't like the sensation of swinging etc. but also the consistent climbing etc in this safe, fun environment was amazing for him.
He is really a different child now. It could be that the same could be achieved w gymnastics classes, taking him to a kids indoor climbing play place, or something of that type. It would just have to be consistent and feel safe for him- just right level of challenge. Start off with it being a place without too many people, you may have to go on/ climb with him or stand close by. Also it should be things that are easy for him to do. For example, some playgrounds have areas for the younger set and areas for the older set. I would put them on the areas for the younger set first, make it fun and playful- hide and seek etc.
And they play off of you- so if you are anxious about them, they feel it. Know that they iyH will move past this! But it is good that you're looking out for them and I know exactly what youre going through.
Sorry for typos... busy day
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octopus




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 3:15 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Ages 7 and 4. Took them to a park and they don’t want to do anything, too scared to climb, they’d rather just sit and eat our snacks and watch the other kids.

Argh


Have you ever taken them to the park before? Is this a new experience? Please don't even use this name in your thinking vocabulary!!
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amother




Pewter
 

Post Sun, Sep 19 2021, 3:18 pm
Do you encourage them and help them on the equipment? Or are you just expecting them to just run over and figure it out?
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