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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
Do you believe in hitting children?
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amother
Snowdrop


 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:16 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
Disclaimer: the only time I hit is if a kid does something dangerous (running into the street type)
However, חוסך שבטו שונא בנו
I believe chazal knew better than modern day psychologists. There’s a time and place for everything, including hitting.


The gedolim today have clearly said that in today's day and age, it does not mean physically hitting.
There are plenty of humane ways you can punish a child.
It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other.
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simcha2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:17 pm
This teaches him that hitting is the response when someone does something you don't like.

This is the exact opposite of the lesson you are trying to teach him.

He is 2. He is a baby. I'm guessing you're oldest so he seems big.

You need to remove either him or the baby. But hitting is not ok in general, and in this particular case counterproductive.
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:18 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My mother in law
Yes ive been doing that but his reaction hasnt changed its almost always an instinctive reaction when the baby is touching his toys


That's very normal for that age.
With a toddler and a baby, you need to be present and involved to prevent it. If you need to go to the bathroom, put the baby in a safe place.
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amother
Fern


 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:21 pm
No

(How can you teach your kids not to hit if you hit them?)
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:23 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I got a total wash down that I have to potch my son so he understands that fighting with the baby is not allowed. I dont agree with her so asking here what people think


Logically it doesn’t make sense.

Hurt your child to teach him not to hurt the baby?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:26 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I got a total wash down that I have to potch my son so he understands that fighting with the baby is not allowed. I dont agree with her so asking here what people think


Lol. So the way you teach your son not to hit people is by hitting him?? I’m dying here 😂😂😂😂
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:29 pm
NO.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:31 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
Disclaimer: the only time I hit is if a kid does something dangerous (running into the street type)
However, חוסך שבטו שונא בנו
I believe chazal knew better than modern day psychologists. There’s a time and place for everything, including hitting.


The only time to hit is when a kid is doing something extremely dangerous like running in the street and if they are old enough to understand. 2 year olds don’t listen because they are two. That’s what being a toddler is all about. I have never met a toddler who always listens when told. Your job as a parent is to not put him near your baby or other dangerous situation
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clowny




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:37 pm
There was a thread about this a while ago.

Firstly, what do you mean by hitting? Slapping a child with anger across his/her face? No! Never is that accepted. Hitting should never ever cause any pain for a child. Most kids, when properly disciplined will get insulted when getting a little potch on their hand. It’s not the pain that’s supposed to accomplish something. It’s the idea that they just got a potch. And imo, a 2 year old is not too young to get a little potch to teach him something. Chinuch starts at a young age.

If you look around and observe, it’s extremely obvious which mother has the attitude of- he’s too young to understand not to do so and so. A 2 year old is not too young to understand not to pull his siblings hair or not too bite. It’s usually the mom who would rather not spend her time now teaching him- because she doesn’t believe in hitting a child.

When a mother does feel that her child did something wrong and feels that he/she deserve a teaching now. She has to be very calm before giving him/her a potch. Never ever hit a child when you are angry!! You take the child and very calmly explain to him/her that what he/she just did was wrong. You hold unto the child and give a very slight potch on her hand. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It’s not abuse. And you are not teaching a child this way that hitting is allowed by children.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:38 pm
I always swore that I would never hit. And then my 4 year old cut my $3,000 sheitel and I gave one sharp slap on the hand. I don't feel guilty about it.

I still believe that patching is wrong 99.99% of the time.
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clowny




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:39 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
Disclaimer: the only time I hit is if a kid does something dangerous (running into the street type)
However, חוסך שבטו שונא בנו
I believe chazal knew better than modern day psychologists. There’s a time and place for everything, including hitting.


Totally agree!
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clowny




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:41 pm
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
I always swore that I would never hit. And then my 4 year old cut my $3,000 sheitel and I gave one sharp slap on the hand. I don't feel guilty about it.

I still believe that patching is wrong 99.99% of the time.


So when it comes to damaging your sheitel it’s ok
But when it comes to something else like hitting or bullying another child than it’s not ok?

Seriously???
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:44 pm
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
I always swore that I would never hit. And then my 4 year old cut my $3,000 sheitel and I gave one sharp slap on the hand. I don't feel guilty about it.

I still believe that patching is wrong 99.99% of the time.


Out of curiosity would you have done the same thing if he cut his sister’s hair?
Scissors should never be left in reach of a kid under 5/6.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:47 pm
teach yr 2 y.o. to play with toys on table out of reach of baby.
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Chickensoupprof




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:47 pm
NO
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amother
Oleander


 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 12:48 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
Disclaimer: the only time I hit is if a kid does something dangerous (running into the street type)
However, חוסך שבטו שונא בנו
I believe chazal knew better than modern day psychologists. There’s a time and place for everything, including hitting.

My Rav says shivto in our times means shevet leshono (mussar, direction) I think there’s a perush that also says it actually
I agree about running to the street though, with a very little child who won’t understand any other way.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 1:00 pm
A lot of older ppl talk like that but when you push them against the wall and ask what they did to their own children then it's not necessarily true that they hit. It's just a way of saying that the kid needs discipline.
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amother
Oleander


 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 1:01 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I got a total wash down that I have to potch my son so he understands that fighting with the baby is not allowed. I dont agree with her so asking here what people think

If what your son is doing is dangerous and no other way of explaining/ giving a consequence helps then yes, id give a potch.

I heard a story (many years ago) of a mom who refused to potch her child for putting things in baby’s mouth.
Unfortunately that baby is no longer here. He died from a popcorn seed.
I heard this story from a parenting expert.

Things that are dangerous are in a completely different category and parents must ensure that everyone under their care is safe. If a very little child will only understand only with a potch then that potch can save his life.

But in general, No and when there’s any other way to ensure safety, (and supervise properly!) then No.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 1:15 pm
clowny wrote:
So when it comes to damaging your sheitel it’s ok
But when it comes to something else like hitting or bullying another child than it’s not ok?

Seriously???


Hitting no. Bullying maybe.

What I'm saying is that potching should be reserved for only extreme situation. A child hitting his sister is not an extreme situation. A five year old pushing his sister into an oven is.
Thankfully I've never experienced that, so my only experience with potching any of my kids has been with a precocious 4 year old who ruined my new sheitel because "I wanted to see what would happen."
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Fri, Sep 24 2021, 1:18 pm
notshanarishona wrote:
Out of curiosity would you have done the same thing if he cut his sister’s hair?
Scissors should never be left in reach of a kid under 5/6.


No.
Thank you for the advice.
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