How to get my 4 yo to listen

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 6:57 pm

He bangs to make noise, licks people hits people and when he gets mad because I tell him to stop, he has even pulled my tichel off in public. He just doesn’t listen to me. I resort to yelling because I can’t figure out how to get him to listen

amother

Bone

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 7:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm sure you've already tried this...but just speaking from experience here: have you tried ignoring all of these behaviors and only 'noticing' and complimenting the "menschy" behaviors?

With mine, I try my best to compliment the menschy behaviors to them, to their father etc etc

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 7:51 pm

amother [ Bone ] wrote:

I do compliment him. I don’t ignore his bad behavior though.

amother

DarkGreen

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 8:05 pm

I have a 4 and 2 year old and neither of them do this. Unless your parenting is soooo bad.... I suggest getting an evaluation.

amother

Bellflower

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 8:20 pm

I think it's time for an evaluation to see if everything is in order.
And then some parenting classes.

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 8:41 pm

amother [ DarkGreen ] wrote:

I have a 4 and 2 year old and neither of them do this. Unless your parenting is soooo bad.... I suggest getting an evaluation.

Well obviously a two year old doesn’t do this. My 7 year old never did either. Just this dc.

amother

Mintgreen

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 10:06 am

It sounds like attention seeking behaviors. Can you track exactly when they happen, what happened before he starts acting up and see if you can figure out the triggers, and hopefully prevent it.
Also is he able to understand? Like if you sit down with him afterwards, can you say, it made me sad when you did x. I know you were feeling bored/angry/sad. Can we problem solve it to make it better for next time.
Give him suggested strategies to use next time. Remind him, this is what we said you would do. You may also have to model it.
You can try redirecting him. Like if he's making noise-give him something he can make a noise with and when he can.
When my kids start playing up, I usually say to them, you seem like you're feeling bored, and I offer suggested ideas of what they can do. Somehow the helping me tidy their mess is never an option they want.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 11:41 am

I found that lowering my voice a bit more than normal works really well. Speak a little more softly, a little lower in pitch, and come down to his level. This indicates that you mean business, and you are in charge.

Yelling from you will just get yelling from him. People have a subconscious tendency to "mirror" the person they are communicating with. If you change the dynamic, he'll end up following your lead.

DD called it "the scary mommy voice" and I never yelled at her unless it was a life or death situation.

amother

DarkGreen

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 1:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Well obviously a two year old doesn’t do this. My 7 year old never did either. Just this dc.

So why don't you think you need evaluation? Why do you think it's your parenting?

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