It's 9 pm and my mesivta son still not home

amother

Tealblue

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 8:14 pm

My mesivta son just walked in the house after Maariv, straight from night Seder.
Like I said before, I think that’s the norm in all yeshivish yeshivos

amother

DarkGray

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 8:51 pm

First of all your son is probably a lot more fine than you think. They have breaks during the day, it’s not sooo intense , they socialize etc . Second , getting home at 9:15 is not bad for a mesitva boy, especially with a long ride like that . BUT if it’s not so far from you and he’s only on the van for so long because he’s at the end of the route , you can consider either hiring a private driver ($$$$$$$$) or picking him sometimes . But if it doesn’t bother him , not worth it. .

amother

Milk

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:20 pm

amother [ DarkGray ] wrote:

Curious what do u all have ready for your boys to eat when they come home so late ? I need ideas .

Mine eats a full dinner.

naturalmom5

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:33 pm

my sons went to oot hs with a dorm
It was good for them and good for me

They learn independence and have more time to themselves

amother

DarkGreen

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:34 pm

My son finished 8:40 now with maariv and is home by bus 9:15. He enjoys his day.
Dh and I eat supper at 9 so he’ll sit with us when we eat but typically he isn’t so hungry.

salt

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 10:07 pm

You could pick him up one day a week - a set day. It can be good bonding time in the car with him on the way home. A little spoiling once a week.

Notsobusy

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 4:16 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He just came home!!! I feel like I need to cry from waiting so long And thinking what a long day he had. Can anyone chime in if they pick up their son every day so that he doesn’t have to be on the van for an hour

One year one of my sons had a really long bus ride so I carpooled with some other families who lived nearby. I only had to drive once a week, so it wasn't so bad.

For most people, once they have high school age kids, their house doesn't quiet down as early at night anymore. Even if they have girls who are home around 530.

It's good for most of the boys to be in yeshiva so late. They get very bored when they're home for too many hours. Some of them really can't handle the long hours, but most get used to it and soon it will be normal for all of you.

amother

Natural

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 4:18 am

If the boys would come home earlier, they would be bored. My son has one day a week that theres no night seder and he goes crazy. He gets so bored.

amother

Violet

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 4:37 am

amother [ Tealblue ] wrote:

My mesivta son just walked in the house after Maariv, straight from night Seder.
Like I said before, I think that’s the norm in all yeshivish yeshivos

Just because it’s the norm doesn’t mean it’s okay. I have a number of boys and while I’m not heartbroken about them coming home so late (as OP is), the fact that they get used to it and “everyone” does it doesn’t make it any less ridiculous and not fair of a 14 year old’s schedule in my mind. I’ve come to terms with over the years (because what options are there?!!?) but I really think it’s overwhelming and difficult and not ideal to put boys in this situation (where they leave before 7am and get home after 9pm every or even most days).

tp3

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 4:45 am

My boys love mesivta much more than elementary. They choose to stay later for optional learning sedarim and earn a trip for it later in the year.
Home where everyone else is going to sleep is boring. More fun to stay with friends in yeshiva.
It's good for them to get this bit of independence before they go away for the year. It's a good balance.

amother

DarkGreen

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 5:00 am

My son has a pretty wholesome day.
The boys make breakfast. They have a lot of free time. Their mesivta doesn’t let them into stores or shopping centers so they need to create entertainment. They excersize (walk, jog, play ball), play ping pong, play music, play keyboard, shmooze, explore the local forest, build things.
My son is in 10th grade and really comes home very happy every day.

Ema of 5

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 5:04 am

amother [ Tealblue ] wrote:

My mesivta son just walked in the house after Maariv, straight from night Seder.
Like I said before, I think that’s the norm in all yeshivish yeshivos

Maybe it is in NY, I don’t know, but I don’t think that’s universal….

amother

DarkGreen

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 5:09 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

Maybe it is in NY, I don’t know, but I don’t think that’s universal….

Mesivta or high school?

Most yeshivish mesivtas are like this. Baltimore, Passaic, Chicago, lakewood, Philadelphia, Miami, Toronto

Boys high schools are not.

Mommyg8

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 5:21 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

Maybe it is in NY, I don’t know, but I don’t think that’s universal….

The world has moved more to the right, leaving NY slightly behind. But yeshivish mesivtas in NY, IIRC, start the late schedule in tenth grade. Just one year behind.

justforfun87

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 5:47 am

I am asking this respectfully as I guess semi modern orthodox Baltimore person. Can someone please explain to me what kids are doing at Yeshiva all day long? Are there breaks to rest their mind and body? Meals? I can't imagine as a working person not getting home until 9pm!!!

amother

Rainbow

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 5:57 am

justforfun87 wrote:

I'm talking about an OOT Mesivta high school.
7:45 shacharis
9-9:15 halacha Seder
9:15-10 breakfast
10-1- 1st Seder with a 30-45 minute recess in the middle for basketball
1-1:15- mussar Seder
1:15-2:30- mincha, lunch, break
2:30-4:15- 2nd Seder
4:15-4:30- short break
4:30-6:45- English
6:45-7:30- supper, break
7:30-9 night Seder
9-maariv
9:15- dismissal
From 9:15-10:30 there's optional 2nd night Seder for 11-12th grade.

Including bussing or carpool, the average 9tg grader leaves the house at 7 and comes home close to 10.

amother

Tuberose

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 5:57 am

justforfun87 wrote:

They have long breaks in the middle of the day. Its not sitting in a classroom straight.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 5:59 am

justforfun87 wrote:

Yes yes yes!
Shacharis, short seder, breakfast, seder with a break in the middle. Break for lunch and a little extra time, mincha, short seder (those 2 may be reversed), English subjects which may include a free period, supper break, night seder and maariv...
It's broken up in a healthy way. There's down time and tons of socialization happening. But the day is full and productive at the same time.