It's 9 pm and my mesivta son still not home

Mommyg8

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:36 am

amother [ Rainbow ] wrote:

Including bussing or carpool, the average 9tg grader leaves the house at 7 and comes home close to 10.

In Lakewood, the average ninth grader comes home at around 8:30 (OP's son seems to have a longer ride than usual). Some elitist yeshivas do end later, but I don't think we're talking about them here.

amother

Rainbow

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:37 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

In Lakewood, the average ninth grader comes home at around 8:30 (OP's son seems to have a longer ride than usual). Some elitist yeshivas do end later, but I don't think we're talking about them here.

I'm talking about OOT yeshiva with 2 1/2 hours of English daily.

Mommyg8

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:38 am

justforfun87 wrote:

I am asking this respectfully as I guess semi modern orthodox Baltimore person. Can someone please explain to me what kids are doing at Yeshiva all day long? Are there breaks to rest their mind and body? Meals? I can't imagine as a working person not getting home until 9pm!!!

I just got stuck on this sentence. My husband very rarely comes home before 9 pm, and leaves between 6 and 7 in the morning! Lucky you that you can't imagine it.

Like others said, there's plenty of breaks - between shacharis, minchah, ma'ariv, breakfast, lunch an supper, plus plenty of other breaks as well. Most mesivtos have a very balanced schedule.

amother

DarkGreen

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:39 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

In Lakewood, the average ninth grader comes home at around 8:30 (OP's son seems to have a longer ride than usual). Some elitist yeshivas do end later, but I don't think we're talking about them here.

Yes typically 11th grade starts 10:00. Before that mesivta ends either 8:20-8:40. Also depends if they daven maariv based on zmanim.
I drive my son in the morning. He has to be there 8 in the morning so we leave about 7:50. (He would have to be at the bus by 6:50).

amother

DarkGreen

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:41 am

justforfun87 wrote:

Of course they eat. All 3 meals. Lots of breaks with sports.

It’s not any diff then my brothers almost 20 yrs ago in Ner Yisroel or Rabbi Shlangers in Baltimore.

amother

Bellflower

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:41 am

fyi many professionals particularly lawyers trying to make partner work insane hours and get home late particularly with commutes

not the same issue; however, our boys also had time at yeshiva for physical activity, exercise/sport, meals, socializing, etc. and unlike our girls did not come home with homework which kept them up late just at home typically. Our boys thought it was expected and fun to be with their chevra all day long.

justforfun87

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:41 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Yikes, that must be very hard on you and now I will remember to appreciate my husband's 6:30pm return. I have always worked full time but I mentally couldn't handle returning home so late... obviously logistically as a mom it wouldn't work but kids aside. Yikes. I need lots of chill time but maybe I am lazy. Can I ask what field your husband is? Does he get paid overtime?

Mommyg8

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:45 am

justforfun87 wrote:

My husband commutes, as do many here.... When I worked in Manhattan many, many years ago, most of my coworkers worked till 8, 9, or later. I was lucky to get "part time" working 9:00 to 3:30 (so I was basically out of the house from 8 to 5 - 9 hours for a "part time" job.)

Yes, my husband works overtime, frum life is very expensive!

gold21

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:45 am

It's a big adjustment in ninth grade

It will get easier IY"H

Yes I think most mesivta boys get home after 8:30. The mesivta around here ends after 9:00.

with an optional additional Night Seder on Thurs nights, which ends after 10:00 (which the boys usually stay for, though it is optional)

On the bright side, there's usually no homework

They can really just shmooze for a few minutes, shower, and go right to sleep

But if your son is having a hard time with the schedule (for ex, he needs more sleep than what he is getting on this schedule), I imagine that there are some mesivtas with more relaxed schedules

Some kids need more sleep than others

So if a boy is only getting to sleep at 11:30 and is up at 6:30- for some boys 7 hours is more than enough, for others it is so-so but manageable, and for others it is just not manageable

Since needing more sleep is a legitimate concern,

You know your own child.....

Don't be afraid to advocate for his needs.

Try to make sure he gets at least 7 hours of sleep though

Have nachas

Good Luck

*Don't mind that I edited this post a million times. I posted and then came back and added a few additional thoughts as I thought of them.*

Last edited by gold21 on Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:54 am; edited 4 times in total

Mommyg8

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 6:46 am

amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:

Yes, if anything I think the girls have a harder schedule. The boys come home and that's it; they're free. No homework. They ate supper, they davened.... so it's all downtime from there.

Ema of 5

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 7:25 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

In Lakewood, the average ninth grader comes home at around 8:30 (OP's son seems to have a longer ride than usual). Some elitist yeshivas do end later, but I don't think we're talking about them here.

Thank you!!! I didn’t think it was a universal thing for boys to be finished at 9:30.
Maybe things have changed since my day, but boys were definitely not coming home that late in high school.

Ema of 5

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 7:26 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Mine leaves later than yours, but very often doesn’t come home until later. When he used to commute to Lakewood daily, it was even worse!!

ShishKabob

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 7:37 am

amother [ DarkGray ] wrote:

Curious what do u all have ready for your boys to eat when they come home so late ? I need ideas .

What does he like? Mine likes to nosh a little, cake, chips, fruit and sometimes extra supper.

Ema of 5

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 7:41 am

ShishKabob wrote:

What does he like? Mine likes to nosh a little, cake, chips, fruit and sometimes extra supper.

If my son came home that late, he’d just roll into bed. They have breakfast, lunch, and dinner in yeshiva, and he snacks plenty.

Chayalle

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 7:52 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Yes, if anything I think the girls have a harder schedule. The boys come home and that's it; they're free. No homework. They ate supper, they davened.... so it's all downtime from there.

My girls tell me they don't know how they'd survive if they were boys (I guess that's why Hashem made them girls!)

Yeah, they have h.w. but they like coming HOME. They would not want to be out all day, and so late.

(this is the argument against those who think it's no big deal for girls to babysit, why can't they just sit on my couch. They don't want to sit on YOUR couch. They want to be HOME. )

dancingqueen

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 8:26 am

amother [ DarkGreen ] wrote:

My son has a pretty wholesome day.
The boys make breakfast. They have a lot of free time. Their mesivta doesn’t let them into stores or shopping centers so they need to create entertainment. They excersize (walk, jog, play ball), play ping pong, play music, play keyboard, shmooze, explore the local forest, build things.
My son is in 10th grade and really comes home very happy every day.

How much free time? Why not just make the day shorter then?

Also do the schools serve dinner if they get home so late?

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 8:59 am

My 9th grader gets home after 10. I was very nervous for the long day but turns out he likes it and it doesn’t feel long at all to him.
I think there is more change of pace / movement throughout the day than in elementary.
Even when they’re learning it’s not only shiur but chavrusa learning too so the day is more broken up.