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Were you nidda on wedding night?
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amother




PlumPink
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 10:54 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Mitzvah tantz ended without us dancing together. I would've loved to experience that!


I always wondered what people who do a mitzva tantz would do in the case of a chupas nidda.

In my case (I was not a chupas niddah) my husband and I both came from heimish homes, but moved more in the direction of litvish. We did not want to have a mitzva tantz at our wedding but we didn't feel we could fight our parents on it. So we resigned ourselves to have a mitzva tantz.

However, my husband did insist on one thing, that we would not be holding hands off the chuppa. Chassidim do hold hands after the chuppa, but litvish (yeshivish ) don't usually. My husband felt there was no way in the world he could hold my hand in front of his rosh yeshiva and all his friends. And I was in perfect agreement with that.

At the wedding, we did not hold hands after the chuppa. At some point my husband was a few steps ahead of me, and I didn't notice. My grandfather got very agitated and motioned to me to walk near my husband.( I am sure he assumed it was a chupas nidda, and wanted us to make it "less obvious".)

We did not hold hands when we came in for dancing.

Then we had a mitzva tantz and we did hold hands at the last dance (we let go by gemalasu tov..).
I'm sure that all my chassidish cousins were really confused!
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amother




Crocus
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 10:56 am
My Kallah teacher told me that some chassanim feel like they are being punished on wedding night for any inappropriate things they looked at or did, and then aren’t able to perform. I admit it sounded horrible to me back then. But at least I was prepared about psychological issues. B”H we didn’t have any. If that were my husband I would have been so upset. Hope you are doing okay.
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amother




Iris
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 11:01 am
BH I wasn't niddah, I'd have been devastated! I have such fond beautiful memories from that night💕

BUT I got my period very close to shabbos, and at that point in my life my periods were SO. DARN. PAINFUL. I couldn't move. We were staying at someone's house for shabbos, and I couldn't walk to our Friday night sheva brachos. So we ended up eating where we were staying (the couple was super understanding, helpful and kind). Our sheva brachos went on without us lol. My husband's family just told everyone that I got sick right before shabbos. I'm sure most ppl there figured it out!
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amother




PlumPink
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 11:04 am
SafeAtLast wrote:
Wasn't Niddah, but in Skver you don't hold hands after the chuppah and don't dance mitzvah tantz holding on, so not missing out much over there.


I like this!!
I could never understand why it is okay for chassidim to hold theor wife's hand in public, even at their own wedding- when you are the center of attention!
But even if that's the "minhag"- I would imagine they would abolish it to salvage the dignity of those couples who are chupas nidda!
There are other things we do in halacha that take into account the dignity of people. For example chazaras hashatz (I believe) was instituted for those people who didn't know how to daven so they shouldn't feel ashamed.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 11:08 am
amother [ Iris ] wrote:
My husband's family just told everyone that I got sick right before shabbos. I'm sure most ppl there figured it out!


My mind, for one, would not have gone there.
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amother




Iris
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 11:17 am
BrisketBoss wrote:
My mind, for one, would not have gone there.


Truth is, you're probably right- most ppl probably would be like "ok, ppl get sick. Bad timing, but it happens". I probably just figured most ppl would know because I was obv newly married and that's all that was on my mind so I assumed everyone would totally know.
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amother




Orange
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 11:30 am
Bh it didn't happen to me! I would definitely be devastated....
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amother




DarkOrange
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 11:40 am
I was not nidda at the wedding, but later that night I got my period……
I had been on aygestin, which a few people told me afterwards is not reliable.
We got to the hotel and spent some time relaxing, and then I went to the bathroom and realized.. it was really awful, we were both so confused and devastated, and it was a really hard experience. I did not have a good kallah teacher so I really had no support and it ended up being a really long and hard period, and I was seriously scared that something was wrong with me, until I spoke to a doctor who calmed me down and helped me deal with it.
It was a 2 1/2 weeks before we were actual intimate, and of course it was a Friday night, so that was an extra bonus… But I found that the whole experience strengthened us and while we’re not chassidish and we did date, it was definitely a different experience than the wedding night would have been.
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amother




PlumPink
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 11:55 am
amother [ Blue ] wrote:
I did
I hadn't had my period in a couple of years but I went on bc before my wedding and ended up getting my period thanks to my body responding to that!

I was upset because I knew my husband would be upset/disappointed.


You hadn't had your period for a couple of years??
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 1:36 pm
amother [ Pear ] wrote:
No but almost.
Went to mikvah the day of my chasuna.


Morning or after Shkia?
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amother




Catmint
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 1:46 pm
I deliberately did not go on any medications because I was afraid of the 3 week niddah or spotting from pills. I got my period a few days before the wedding, but at least I knew that it would be less than two weeks.
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Chickensoupprof




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 1:51 pm
No bh... know of people who were. Hashem decides these things.
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amother




Ebony
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 2:01 pm
Yes I was Nidda. Bh for not long since I went to the Mikva the day after our wedding. We came back very late after the wedding and slept by someone. It was really ok Bh. Our custom is we don’t hold hands after the chuppa so no problem (Lubavitcher).
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amother




Peru
 

Post Thu, Oct 07 2021, 2:01 pm
BH I was tehora on wedding night. We had a very short engagement because my period cycles, which had been pretty consistent for 28 days, all the sudden shortened randomly, so we ended up moving the wedding date up about a week so we could get married before my next period started. So glad we did.
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amother




Holly
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 12:59 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Had a little girl sleep by us on a cot in the dining room Laugh

That little girl was me when I was seven and sis got married almost 50 years ago! I was snuck into the yichud room by an adjoining bathroom. Sis and BIL told me that it’s a treat only for me to come in and I shouldn’t tell anyone ever. They talked to me about how I’m enjoying the wedding etc. Only figured it out in my high teens and never told anyone. Someone else got to sleep over though.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 7:23 am
amother [ Holly ] wrote:
That little girl was me when I was seven and sis got married almost 50 years ago! I was snuck into the yichud room by an adjoining bathroom. Sis and BIL told me that it’s a treat only for me to come in and I shouldn’t tell anyone ever. They talked to me about how I’m enjoying the wedding etc. Only figured it out in my high teens and never told anyone. Someone else got to sleep over though.


Lollll! We didn't have anyone in yichud room, the door was left slightly open. And that little girl was also made to think it's a treat and to keep it private. She's in her high teens now and still doesn't know what was behind it (was recently discussed again).
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amother




Pear
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 7:31 am
I almost had a chuppas nidda but did not BH. I was told if so a child would need to come home with us. Did you have that OP?
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 7:37 am
amother [ Pear ] wrote:
I almost had a chuppas nidda but did not BH. I was told if so a child would need to come home with us. Did you have that OP?


Yes, she slept by us for that week. Thinking now, she must've had late nights if she came after each sheva brachos. Was indeed a treat then LOL
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amother




Winterberry
 

Post Thu, Nov 04 2021, 8:15 pm
amother [ Mintcream ] wrote:
Here is my very sad experience:
I was not niddah on my wedding night.
Nor did I become niddah on my wedding night.
DH was told by his chosson teacher that oral s*x was OK to do. So we did that immediately upon getting to the hotel. I was young and naive, and had been told by my kallah teacher to follow his lead on the wedding night. I thought this was normal and I was doing what my husband asked.
Long story short, after that he could not have relations as he could not become fully aroused again. He thought he'd be able to.
He then screamed at me that I was doing everything wrong and it was my fault. I didn't know what to even DO, and it was definitely not the wedding night I had dreamed about.
He gave up and I fell asleep crying.

The next day was totally awkward. He was angry in the morning. He wouldn't even let me take the wedding centerpiece his mom had given me to have flowers in the room. He yelled at me just to leave it there.or my wedding dress that I had to carry. He refused to go back to the room for a 2nd trip so I could have both.

He then called his rav to find out how to conduct ourselves in public, especially at sheva brachos. Rav said to pretend I was in niddah.

Our whole sheva brachos were spent pretending I was in niddah in public, and in private trying to have s*x. We were staying at his parents house, and his parents room was right next to ours. I just was so nervous by that point and each day it got worse.

We moved into our apartment a few days after Sheva brachos. By that point it was ona days/nights anyway. I was relieved. Then became niddah. That gave us a chance to calm down and spend time together without all the pressure of relations.

Mikvah night arrived, and it was very special. I went into niddah right away again, so that was tough! But we, again, were able to spend time together.

I wish the wedding night and sheva brachos had been different. I wish we hadn't been by my in-laws the whole time. I wish dh had a different chossen teacher. I wish many things.

Honestly, being niddah at the wedding would have been much better than what I went through.


I'm sorry Mintcream. That sounds sad and really difficult. Sad

Wow, now I'm understanding the need for chosson/kallah apartments.

I'm glad your Mikvah night was special.
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amother




Winterberry
 

Post Thu, Nov 04 2021, 8:39 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This story is so sad. I thought it'll end that you left him.


But Baruch Hashem OP is more mature than that.

C'mon ladies. This is her husband you're talking trash about. It's so inappropriate.
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