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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 6:25 pm
BE"H DD will be getting engaged any day now- just waiting for the surprise.
DD and her intended live in Israel. We are in the USA as is his parents and most of our relatives including grandparents. BUT the majority of their friends are in Israel. And of course it is ISRAEL- why shouldn't they get married there?? If covid were not a concern there would be no question as to where this wedding would take place.

I know I am not in control of the world, but I am really worried about taking a chance to have the wedding in Israel and not being able to make it or his parents or grandparents not be able to make it because of some new policy Israel comes up with the week the before the wedding. (I do not begrudge Israel and their policies they are doing what they feel is best to keep everyone safe- I get that) I have heard nightmare stories about getting an ishur and what if they decide to just shut the border? It is so unknown. DH and I were speaking and and we both said we would pay for their closest friends to fly in- yes a hassle for the and costly, but it would be the same $ spent if we had to go there with all the siblings.

Has anyone had to think through this?
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amother




Sienna
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 6:42 pm
Yes, not exactly but similar
We asked Daas Torah and were encouraged to make the wedding where the Chosson and Kallah were. It was difficult for us but we don't have any regrets. It's best for the Chosson and Kallah to have the least stress possible during their engagement. Having to travel just before the wedding and right after their wedding adds a lot of stress. Plus taking off from work/school. It's much easier for them to plan things in the country they live in and set up their new life without having to worry about their wedding in another country. BE"H you will get there safely and enjoy the Simcha.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 6:44 pm
amother [ Sienna ] wrote:
Yes, not exactly but similar
We asked Daas Torah and were encouraged to make the wedding where the Chosson and Kallah were. It was difficult for us but we don't have any regrets. It's best for the Chosson and Kallah to have the least stress possible during their engagement. Having to travel just before the wedding and right after their wedding adds a lot of stress. Plus taking off from work/school. It's much easier for them to plan things in the country they live in and set up their new life without having to worry about their wedding in another country. BE"H you will get there safely and enjoy the Simcha.


Thank you for that perspective!
Did you for for a month so that you could quarantine- that's another biggie- it means we and the college age siblings would need to leave at least a week before the wedding.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 6:47 pm
Keep us posted. If you'd like.
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 6:53 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you for that perspective!
Did you for for a month so that you could quarantine- that's another biggie- it means we and the college age siblings would need to leave at least a week before the wedding.


Regardless of corona, would you have flown in less than a week before your daughters wedding?

For siblings at college it could be harder, but maybe this is also time for the young couple to be flexible and schedule the wedding for a time when it is easier for their siblings to take time off.
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amother




Phlox
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 6:55 pm
My vote is wedding in US. Family is what counts
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 7:10 pm
Who is paying for the wedding? Ultimately it is their decision.

Whatever you do, don't make a decision by yourselves, even if you are exclusively funding the wedding. Discuss it with the couple.

I don't know your background, but they are not a pair of sheltered eighteen year olds, getting married directly from their parents home, and relying on their parents to help them with everything. From what you say, both of them are living independently in Israel, probably with regular jobs and social life.

They already have ideas about what their wedding and Sheva Brachos will look like. They may be expecting to pay for at least part of it. They probably have a fair social circle, and a few friends who are 'like family'. To ask them to leave all of this because you are concerned about Israeli regulations is asking a huge sacrifice of them.

Don't dump it on them as an expectation. Discuss it and them consider it as an option. Come to a joint conclusion. You are better off having siblings join in on zoom rather than ruining your relationship with the couple for ever. This might not ruin the relationship, but it could put it under a big strain.
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amother




Lightgreen
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 7:24 pm
amother [ Phlox ] wrote:
My vote is wedding in US. Family is what counts


I know a couple who were living in Israel and planned to get married there. Then the kallah's mother was seriously ill and unable to fly. They switched the wedding to America. This was a long time ago - they are now grandparents. They don't regret the decision in the slightest, but she still wishes she could have been married in Israel with all her friends around her. I think if they had been pushed into it for a situation that can be worked around, there would have been a lot of resentment.
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 7:48 pm
I was supposed to get married in Israel but changed our plans because my DHs family refused to fly in for it. We ended up having the wedding in America and the Sheva brachos in Israel. To be very honest, I still have a lot of resentment towards his family for making us do that and I’ve never been able to forgive them
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amother




Babypink
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 7:54 pm
Dh and I were living on the west coast of the US, my family is in Europe, his on the east coast.

We got married in Europe (50 people from the US flew in) and then had Sheva brachos on the east coast and west coast

Was exhausting for us, but we got to celebrate with lots of different groups of friends and family
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amother




Sienna
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 7:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you for that perspective!
Did you for for a month so that you could quarantine- that's another biggie- it means we and the college age siblings would need to leave at least a week before the wedding.


Currently I'm pretty sure you only need to quarantine for 24hrs in Israel.
We did stay for a few weeks asI wanted to spend some time with my daughter before the wedding. I was able to work online while I was there (didn't sleep much...)

Also just want to add that a wedding in Israel is extra special especially in Jerusalem.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 8:04 pm
I got married in e"y and while most of my friends couldnt come, I dont regret it for a minute
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 10:08 pm
[quote="amother [ Vermilion ]"]I got married in e"y and while most of
my friends couldnt come, I dont regret it for a minute[/quote

How would you have felt if your parents could not make it or your siblings.. thats my big worry.
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amother




Cantaloupe
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 10:32 pm
OP, do you have any close family that could clearly not attend under Israel's rules, such as kids not old enough to be vaccinated?

I agree that this should be presented as a sit down to discuss and hear from each other, stating beforehand that it's for talking out the issue versus making a decision. Have they given you any indication yet if what they want? You may be surprised- the chassan may have a grandfather who can't travel and he wants the US, or the mechutanim have been planning to do Israel for a wedding since their son made aliyah and always wished they could have done it, so it's important to them. They might both share your concerns and be genuinely confused. Basically, without the conversation, you don't have all the info.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 11:36 pm
amother [ Cantaloupe ] wrote:
OP, do you have any close family that could clearly not attend under Israel's rules, such as kids not old enough to be vaccinated?

I agree that this should be presented as a sit down to discuss and hear from each other, stating beforehand that it's for talking out the issue versus making a decision. Have they given you any indication yet if what they want? You may be surprised- the chassan may have a grandfather who can't travel and he wants the US, or the mechutanim have been planning to do Israel for a wedding since their son made aliyah and always wished they could have done it, so it's important to them. They might both share your concerns and be genuinely confused. Basically, without the conversation, you don't have all the info.


True... I just kike getting different perspectives from mothers here, helps me think of many different options and everyone on here is so creative.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 11:37 pm
[quote="amother [ OP ]"]
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
I got married in e"y and while most of
my friends couldnt come, I dont regret it for a minute[/quote

How would you have felt if your parents could not make it or your siblings.. thats my big worry.


It would have been very hard.
I undestand your dilemma completely.
But is ur daughter an israeli citizen? as long as u show proof that u are her parents u will be allowed in
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 10 2021, 11:40 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
It would have been very hard.
I undestand your dilemma completely.
But is ur daughter an israeli citizen? as long as u show proof that u are her parents u will be allowed in


The future chatan and kallah are bith israeli citizens.. I just worry about something with covid happening. Also the grandparents eould have a hardrr time because its not a first generation relative. Atleast that's what I have read. Its more paperwork.
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amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Mon, Oct 11 2021, 12:02 am
A couple who marry in Israel are seeing the fulfilment of עוד ישמע בערי יהודה ובחוצות ירושלים קול ששון וקול שמחה קול חתן וקול כלה.
.
That's a big deal.

It's true, there's uncertainty about who can come and when. I would vote for making the wedding in Israel and, if there are relatives who can't make it in person (presumably the wedding will be streamed so people who can't come can still watch), the couple can fly to the US for sheva brachos or at some later date for a reception.

Mazal tov!
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amother




Melon
 

Post Mon, Oct 11 2021, 1:46 am
As someone who lives in Israel and is on top of the situation here- yes, 10000% something could potentially happen that would make it impossible for family to get in, it's not easy to get into this country and if you're banking on that changing soon I think its irresponsible, because no one knows. Also- you only have to quarantine until a serological test comes back pos for antibodies, but if the chassan or kallah have any family members that don't have antibodies then they need to quarantine for a week.
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Raisin




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 11 2021, 3:54 am
A nice compromise is to make the wedding in Israel and then have a nice big Sheva brachos in the USA for your family and close friends who can't fly to the wedding.
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