Home

Ethical Dilemma with my boss - WWYD?
Previous  1, 2, 3, 4
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




Tangerine
 

Post Tue, Oct 12 2021, 6:19 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
She told me herself she hasn't brought up this idea with him yet!
I see almost everyone agrees that I should just go and speak directly to the head.
I think I'll speak to my boss and tell her I don't feel comfortable with her suggestion, thank her for the idea (if as DH thinks it is coming from a good place) and tell her I prefer to speak directly to the head about a raise.
If I feel really vindictive I could mention to him her "idea" knowing that after he gave me the go ahead he will be annoyed with her... but I think I should keep quiet for the sake of my future working relationship (and because I tend to be a people's pleaser....)
Is this going to fall flat?

I really, REALLY appreciate all the advice you're all giving! Thank you!


I think you should make the appointment to speak to the higher up boss before speaking to her. You can then tell her everything you wrote here but she cant talk you out of it. Also it will mitigate discomfort because you are being upfront but still assertive. You need to sound strong and neutral.
I’m pursuing my raise I believe I am long overdue . Its not personal
Have a mantra ready to repeat when she tried to disuade you and criticize you. Just keep saying the same thing
I deserve the raise. Ive waited a while and would like to discuss with Rabbi A personally. I understand you think so..: I would like to speak to him personally..
repeat. Repeat

And I would definitely tell him what her proposal had been. To give you a raise in place of the program for the children, The daas torah you received and your discomfort with following the letter of the psak you were given

Good luck
Back to top

amother




Crystal
 

Post Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:00 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
She told me herself she hasn't brought up this idea with him yet!
I see almost everyone agrees that I should just go and speak directly to the head.
I think I'll speak to my boss and tell her I don't feel comfortable with her suggestion, thank her for the idea (if as DH thinks it is coming from a good place) and tell her I prefer to speak directly to the head about a raise.
If I feel really vindictive I could mention to him her "idea" knowing that after he gave me the go ahead he will be annoyed with her... but I think I should keep quiet for the sake of my future working relationship (and because I tend to be a people's pleaser....)
Is this going to fall flat
?

I really, REALLY appreciate all the advice you're all giving! Thank you!


I don't know why you feel this way. If the boss approved the trip for the year, that means he budgeted for it. If you were to play along with the principal and cancel the trip, don't you think he'd become aware of that? And if so, wouldn't he inquire why it was canceled if he specifically approved and budgeted for it? The principal was the one who put herself into this position by trying to manipulate you in an inappropriate manner.

I don't think its being vindictive. If I'd be the boss, I'd want to know if one of my underlings was overriding my decisions and playing some self-serving game. I doubt this is her first or last attempt to try to manipulate people in a way that she comes out on top while the other gets the short end of the stick.

No one is suggesting to go to the boss with guns blazing in an attack mode. What is being suggested is stand up for yourself, discuss the situation from your viewpoint and your standpoint, to get what you deserve. You've said you're a people pleaser - so go ahead and please yourself Smile for a change. .
Back to top

amother




Lilac
 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 9:17 am
Op what ended up happening?
I don't know why this dilemma caught my attention. Maybe because I've had some similar bosses ... I don't know
But I'm so curious how you worked it out.
Back to top

amother




Lily
 

Post Wed, Nov 03 2021, 2:47 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I think this idea resonates with me - I just don't want to be confrontational. I used to clash terribly with her and really worked on building up a relationship of respect.
Don't forget she is also a principal and Rebbetzen too - whenever I would approach her with complaints on the offensive I always ended up on the defensive, apologizing and excusing myself. I guess that's why she is so successful at her job!
Oh gosh - this makes me sound like such a loser!


No, it makes her sound like a master manipulator of FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. Ugh.

The good news is it sounds like you simply don't WANT to be confrontational, but that you CAN be confrontational if needed. So now you have to decide what the right thing to do is, and then do it. And trust Hashem to take care of the rest.

Speaking to your rav (as I saw you did) is a great idea.
However, as another poster pointed out, the rav gave you a psak on that specific question, not advice on the best way to handle the situation.
Back to top
Previous  1, 2, 3, 4 Recent Topics

Page 4 of 4 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Wwyd? Being honest with my friend and insulting her
by amother
10 Yesterday at 12:18 pm View last post
Are my new co-workers/boss TOO friendly? 15 Fri, Nov 26 2021, 11:48 am View last post
Bagel Boss in Mineola, NY
by amother
11 Sat, Nov 20 2021, 9:39 pm View last post
by kenz
Missed period after COVID. wwyd?
by amother
6 Mon, Nov 15 2021, 11:52 pm View last post
WWYD about Gown
by amother
3 Thu, Nov 11 2021, 5:42 pm View last post