Why is no one working and how do they live?

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 5:31 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Like others have said above, we live extremely simply and I do work part time from home while my baby naps/at night. We're making it work for this year, honestly though even though we made calculations based on living extremely simply, things always come up (2 siblings weddings already this year bh) and our calculations don't cover things. We are literally living on hashem's brochos (last month our building suddenly announced a tishrei fund of $500 no questions asked, month before my husband got an unexpected raise etc), and I don't recommend planning to live your life that way but I also strongly believe that you need to do what's right for your family and if you do your hishtadlus, Hashem will do his part as well. Like don't rely on miracles but do believe, have bitachon.

And yes, I'm Chabad in case anyone was wondering - I do think this mindset is somewhat common amongst Lubavitchers, it's what the Rebbe told us many times especially in relation to raising families.

But again you can't rely on miracles!! Have to have some way that it makes sense that it would work.

Chabad too. I was thinking along the same lines. Having a large family is a priority. Mother having a career can interfere with that. So, yes, I don’t work at all, we live a really simple lifestyle, and we absolutely do rely on Hashem.
Especially when we’re making sacrifices for Hashem (giving up a comfortable lifestyle for the mitzvah of Peru urivu), we have bitachon that he’ll provide for us.

*side note- even though I don’t work and we live simply, we do have cleaning help. Because that’s part of our hishtadlus. I can’t physically be pregnant/nursing/caring for babies and having the full brunt of housekeeping on me. This was actually a huge leap of faith for us. We knew we couldn’t afford cleaning help ($25/hr here), but we have emunah and hired one anyways, so that we can live the life that we want and Hashem wants.

So don’t always make cheshbonos for other people that their parents support them, stimulus checks, husband makes a lot..... it’s possible that it’s just old fashioned emunah.

amother

Holly

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 6:42 am

I posted this on one of the houses threads but you simply don’t know what’s going on for others. Some of my simple friends (‘yeshivish family from oot) had very wealthy grandparents I didn’t know about till my husband helped him with taxes.

Many people make (and lose!) money on investments.

I’m also jealous, but I call it what it is. It’s not that they somehow discovered a way around finances. It’s usually that they either have more or can manage with less. I know for me personally when I have more time but less money to spend it’s not a good equation.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 6:49 am

to those saying about emunah and bitachon, well sometimes hashem says no to our ... like some tzadikim who definitely have high levels of emunah/bitachon were still in debt and couldnt raise enough for their yeshiva....

I also agree with op bec my relatives dont work and their dhs dont have real jobs or work as a rebbe and then they send their kids out by 2 so its not like they are home with all their kids...

but one thing to take into account here, op, is tution. many of these families are usually allowed to pay less tuition and get more money back in taxes and if they were earning a very small salary, like my relative was, then they would not be earning more working bec of higher taxes/babysitting etc. ......

how they now have $ for more clothes shopping/sending their 2 yr old out etc is what I wonder ....but the real question is how are women who are working who earn very little, managing bec I wonder how their small salary covers babysitting/playgroup etc

but for women who earned a regular salary and say "it was too much for me, I quit". I wonder how they just manage without that salary and spend even more on.......

amother

Green

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 7:18 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I’m in the UK. Tuition is paid by the government (Jewish government schools) or very cheap (compared to the US).

Childcare is expensive but people can also get credit towards. (We are not eligible so it’s not worth it for me to work and pay £7 an hour.)

We also sold a business recently and we used some of it on expensive and the rest was put away.

amother

Lemonlime

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 7:37 am

I stopped working a few years ago after working 35-40 hours until then. My husband owns a business that requires me to do 100% of the daily kid stuff, and schools are closed often. I couldn’t find a decent job that would let me take off all the time and only work 930-245 (unless I would have to make it up in the evenings).
We aren’t rich by any means but we are fine. My husband really wants me to work and our rav advises against it. I recently got a part time job but I don’t know how long I can do it. I just sent our youngest out this year but iyh by the end of the school year I should have another one bshaa Tova I’m expecting . The other day I had a therapy appointment midday and had to essentially take the whole day off work (it tied me up for a chunk of time smack in the middle of the day between the commute and the session). Last week I had two doctor appointments and had fo take two mornings off. My first week of work 🤣. If my kids are sick or miss the bus my husband is never the one to drive , if school is closed he’s never able to take off the entire day to be with them. I can get a full time nanny / errand runner or I can work a simple job and barely turn a profit and it cause me anxiety or I can not work.

amother

Cyan

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 7:42 am

Hashem decides everyone's income every year. My husband always felt very strongly that I should be home with the kids. So even when we were struggling we somehow managed. Now thank God he has a very successful business. I know some people sell on Amazon and work part time from home and you might not even realize that they are working. It's funny because my husband works over 12 hours a day but he works from home so I'm sure there are some people who think that he really doesn't have a job. Or they see him learning outside for a bit and they think that's what he does for his entire day. So sometimes you just don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

watergirl

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 7:57 am

OP, if you have friends who don't work and who have husbands in kollel who spend their time at lunch and shopping, there is something they are not telling you. Either they have help from family or are on government programs. This kind of lifestyle is not sustainable and the bottom drops out eventually.

Are there those who have working husbands who earn enough to support their family on their own? Of course there are! I just don't get the feeling thats who OP is asking about.

sky

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:11 am

I’ve been seeing this a lot recently.

I think covid played a big part in women taking the leap to stop working.

1. PPP loans - a ton of ppl in lkwd own their own business. Ppl were getting crazy PPP loans. It either gave them extra cash or allowed them to grow their business tremendously.
The money keeps coming. There is now 15k grant + low interest loans for businesses.

2. Unemployment - many women discovered they could make more on unemployment then working. Even self employed if they had paid taxes and documented their hours. So they haven’t been working. Now even that it is stopping they don’t plan to go back.

3. When their kids were home during covid they had to stop working. And discovered it was doable financially. In the past was scared to do it.

4. Within my friends we are getting older. My friends husbands are becoming more successful in their jobs, earning more income and their wives can stop working (not related to covid).

amother

Moccasin

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:36 am

There can be so many reasons. There are a bunch listed so I won't need to reiterate. But if there is a will there is a way. It may mean to cut back on other things..
I personally don't work. But I also keep my kids home until they are bigger. So I don't actually have time to hang out with friends going out to eat-but by all means if u wanna hang out in my house while my kid hangs from the ceiling that's perfectly fine with me.
You will find me out walking, or hanging out in the park on some days. But it's not all rosy. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to get out of the house and have adult time doing simple work. But the $ doesn't make sense as of now...

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:47 am

amother [ Holly ] wrote:

This.

You need to know yourself and what you can handle.
I like to have a lot of disposable income so I go out to work, but not full-time because then I will need a lot of outside help with kids ans household and I hate to deal with them too because it adds mental load. So I try to find a middle ground.

keym

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 9:03 am

I am seeing this in very young, newlywed with a few babies in Lakewood. BMG increased the kollel check amount significantly. Food stamps increased the amount significantly also. So with WIC, it can cover most of a family's food bill. So I know a lot of families where the wife will work but just 15/20 hours a week. Enough to cover rent, playgroup, car payments. And 2 children in a 2 bedroom basement- $1200 rent w/utilities, $700 for 9:30-2 playgroup, $1000 for diapers, wipes, clothes, basic cell phone and gas and tolls. And they'll dig into savings. And these few months they're getting $500 a month advance Child Tax Credit and they got stimulus.

The problem will come if they're not willing to stay in that $3000 per month budget. If they want to go out to eat, go out for coffee, buy hand me downs.
Or when they send to school where tuition is significantly more than $300 a month.
Or when these stimulus and tax advances stop.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 9:08 am

I lost my job during Covid. I'm expecting and we did the calculations that with childcare costs and starting out again at brand new place with newborn, would be hard and not worth the money. Instead, I'm looking at other options and signed up for a course so I have certain skills and hopefully better pay opportunity. But to others who don't know what's going on in my life it just looks like I'm not working, when in reality I'm working towards being able to work.

amother

DarkKhaki

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 9:14 am

Here's my story:
I worked when I was single and first married.
We thought we were going to have a certain lifestyle- that fell through and I started to have kids. My husband BH found work that makes a basic salary and my skills or lack thereof do not pay for me to work. We would lose our benefits and I would making very little. My husbands job is high stress and I have very little help but that's my "job" I'm the CEO of the family and home.
We budget our money and we live simply (although that word means something else to different people).
I am afraid though. I'm afraid for when it doesn't add up. I'm afraid that if or when I do need to join the workforce I'll be starting at negative 10.
But...I am definitely not spending my mornings browsing shops or getting lunch.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 9:18 am

I’m not working now because recently my husband started earning very nicely. Before that I was working of course and even with both of us working our account was often in the negative.
Now I’m home but I’m not spending my day shopping or going for a waxing. I also don’t have any cleaning help either now. I don’t think you sound like you would be happy staying home without the shopping and cleaning help. I spend a lot of time cleaning up every day. Or cooking and grocery shopping… it’s not a glamorous life for everyone who is not working but for me living without any glamour is the way I don’t have to work. Btw/ the times I was home after having a baby sometimes I would go out for a walk during the day when the baby was 4-5 weeks old and the streets were quiet. No one was out. I used to think most people were home. I don’t have any friends who are not working.I think most people do work. Not everyone works because they absolutely have to. Some people work because they actually enjoy it.

amother

NeonOrange

Tue, Oct 12 2021, 9:18 am

I'm not officially working right now because I have a child who's needs cannot be met in any Frum program in my area so I'm doing a hybrid homeschooling program with them in the morning and taking them to much needed therapy in the afternoon. Thus I have had to quit my old job (although I still do some as needed work for them when I can for pennies of pay), and give up my earning potential that I have as someone with a Master's degree. DH works a full time job and has significant real estate on the side that keeps him very busy and unable to contribute to the household much, but we aren't yet seeing real income from the real estate as he keeps re-investing whatever he earns to try and build up that business. I don't have cleaning help (haven't since I gave up my full time job). Oh and we are paying full tuition (albeit reasonably cheap) for two other children. So yes, I technically have time to go shopping during the day, but if I didn't go shopping during the day I would be going shopping with a bunch of little kids instead of the one or two that are home with me all day. And this child who is doing a hybrid homeschooling program is also a difficult one to go do anything with, as they have random outbursts.

Things aren't always the way that they seem.