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This is why you need to work
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amother




Calendula
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:32 pm
amother [ Latte ] wrote:
This.
I got my degree before I got married, passed the last of my qualifying exams before my second was born, and haven’t worked in about 10 years. My degree is pretty much a piece of paper.

I don't agree with this. You can update your skills and even if you start off at the bottom, you have the potential of the degree. If you have some years of experience, that will count for something even if you're starting again. You're not going to make AS MUCH, but you are still ahead. (Of course this is not necessarily relevant to a tech field, my programming certificate is totally garbage at this point).
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:51 pm
amother [ Freesia ] wrote:
I remember my mother, who was years ahead of her time, saying that a woman should always work at least part time and have money of her own. Not only do things happen to women like widowhood and divorce but things happen to men like unemployment and business reverses. A woman who brings in income can mean the difference between a family's drowning and staying afloat in such times.

Of course if you're independently wealthy and can live off your trust fund, you may think you can afford to ignore this. But trust funds can be wiped out, too.

That’s what things like life insurance are for
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 2:52 pm
amother [ Stone ] wrote:
Thank you zehava
You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words today.
For some reason I keep forgetting that I am doing the right thing that works for me

You’re welcome!
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amother




Burgundy
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 3:01 pm
Thanks zehava!! Well said 👏
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 3:38 pm
Degrees aren't important anymore. Skills, hard work, and experience are way better - at least in the hi-tech/office jobs here in Israel. You can get something entry level with some skills, a course or two, and willingness to work hard.

Some startups even offer a free course and take graduates for entry level jobs.
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amother




Tan
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 3:41 pm
amother [ Lightpink ] wrote:
Nah this is why you need a degree. I have a degree, worked for a little while, and am taking a nice long break. When I'm ready to restart I won't be starting from nothing.


Sorry but I am currently in the workforce and this is not true anymore today.
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amother




Calendula
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 5:33 pm
amother [ Tan ] wrote:
Sorry but I am currently in the workforce and this is not true anymore today.

Are you a nurse? OT? Speech therapist? PT? Social worker? Teacher? Special Ed Teacher? Attorney? Doctor?

You still need a degree for all of the above. "In the workforce" is a very broad statement, there are lots of us in the workforce and many work in areas that require a degree.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 5:35 pm
Zehava wrote:
That’s what things like life insurance are for


Life insurance is good if chas vechalila someone is widowed.

However, what happens in the case of marital discord? Not working makes a woman extremely vulnerable and limits her options greatly. Many, many women make the decision to stay in miserable marriages because they just can't survive financially on their own.

I would not want my dds to be in such vulnerable, dependent positions.

Even not going to such extremes - not working changes the balance of power in many relationships. The woman is in a place where she literally needs to ask her dh for money. I remember my mil (now in her 80s) telling me that a woman should always work, even if only part time, so that she doesn't need to ask her husband for money everytime she wants something.

Yes I know there are many SAHMs who are in charge of the entire budget. But there are many who are not.

I know how hard it is to work with young kids at home, and if at all possible, I suggest women work p/t during those years. Adult life is long and full of surprises. It's best to keep up your skills and viability in the workforce.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 5:42 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
Degrees aren't important anymore. Skills, hard work, and experience are way better - at least in the hi-tech/office jobs here in Israel. You can get something entry level with some skills, a course or two, and willingness to work hard.

Some startups even offer a free course and take graduates for entry level jobs.


As others said, degrees aren't important in some fields. Mainly hi tech. And even in hi tech, in Israel, most people need the degree because otherwise they just don't have the skills. Unless you are brilliant or got a hi tech position in the army, you will probably need that degree.

Everyone else I know pretty much still needs a degree, unless they own a business. And in many positions having a second or third degree raises your salary significantly (a high school teacher in Israel with an MA earns more than one with a BA. To say nothing of a Phd).

Almost all the government desk jobs earn much more with a degree.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 6:19 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
Life insurance is good if chas vechalila someone is widowed.

However, what happens in the case of marital discord? Not working makes a woman extremely vulnerable and limits her options greatly. Many, many women make the decision to stay in miserable marriages because they just can't survive financially on their own.

I would not want my dds to be in such vulnerable, dependent positions.

Even not going to such extremes - not working changes the balance of power in many relationships. The woman is in a place where she literally needs to ask her dh for money. I remember my mil (now in her 80s) telling me that a woman should always work, even if only part time, so that she doesn't need to ask her husband for money everytime she wants something.

Yes I know there are many SAHMs who are in charge of the entire budget. But there are many who are not.

I know how hard it is to work with young kids at home, and if at all possible, I suggest women work p/t during those years. Adult life is long and full of surprises. It's best to keep up your skills and viability in the workforce.

Everything I do for my family is something dh would have to pay thousands if he wanted to hire someone. We are equal partners. I don’t “ask him for money”.
Believe it or not it’s possible to have a respectful relationship with clearly delineated roles, without everything being split down the middle. He earns, I keep the household running.
I would not run myself ragged just to make sure “that were even”.
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 12:39 am
It's not so simple to have a part-time job when your kids are young. Many employers will only hire full-time employees, willing to work 9-5. Many jobs don't end at 5:00 p.m. either, and require you to stay overtime as needed. I was fortunate to have found a part-time job two days a week. I left that position years ago and have been unable to find something since then for only two days a week.
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amother




Cinnamon
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 12:52 am
Zehava wrote:
Everything I do for my family is something dh would have to pay thousands if he wanted to hire someone. We are equal partners. I don’t “ask him for money”.
Believe it or not it’s possible to have a respectful relationship with clearly delineated roles, without everything being split down the middle. He earns, I keep the household running.
I would not run myself ragged just to make sure “that were even”.


I always find it so distasteful when women explain that they just won’t work because of some fear of being “run ragged” or whatever exaggeration they want to use about working and why it’s beneath them. Not working is a luxury. Period. SOMEONE is being run ragged here, and you’re darn well lucky they’re supporting you.

How many times do women come onto this website and complain that their husbands won’t work? Maybe THEY don’t want to be run ragged either.

Point is, stop opining about why being a SAHM is just the best most optimal choice for life instead of calling it like it is. A luxury.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:05 am
amother [ Cinnamon ] wrote:
I always find it so distasteful when women explain that they just won’t work because of some fear of being “run ragged” or whatever exaggeration they want to use about working and why it’s beneath them. Not working is a luxury. Period. SOMEONE is being run ragged here, and you’re darn well lucky they’re supporting you.

How many times do women come onto this website and complain that their husbands won’t work? Maybe THEY don’t want to be run ragged either.

Point is, stop opining about why being a SAHM is just the best most optimal choice for life instead of calling it like it is. A luxury.

Huh. Really. Do you feel bad for my poor dh who is being run ragged to “support me”?
Who do you think produces his babies, makes sure he has clean underwear, and freshly cooked food in his belly? Who do you think cares for his kids 24/7 without him ever having a second thought about childcare arrangements? Who do you think makes sure everyone in the family has enough clothes for every new season? He’s supporting me? He is doing his darn job. Just as I am. If I had been working would he be doing any of those things? Heck no. I’d be running myself ragged yes, because I’d be doing the jobs of two people.
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familyfirst




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:14 am
Zahava, you are special ♥️
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:20 am
familyfirst wrote:
Zahava, you are special ♥️

Thank you😊 we women need to appreciate ourselves and our roles more. We are really and truly irreplaceable.
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amother




Cinnamon
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:24 am
Zehava wrote:
Huh. Really. Do you feel bad for my poor dh who is being run ragged to “support me”?
Who do you think produces his babies, makes sure he has clean underwear, and freshly cooked food in his belly? Who do you think cares for his kids 24/7 without him ever having a second thought about childcare arrangements? Who do you think makes sure everyone in the family has enough clothes for every new season? He’s supporting me? He is doing his darn job. Just as I am. If I had been working would he be doing any of those things? Heck no. I’d be running myself ragged yes, because I’d be doing the jobs of two people.


I’ve also had babies, do laundry, make lunches and dinner, go food shopping, go online for clothes shopping, and somehow I also do this and work. I’ve worked until the morning I go into labor. If anyone is sick or needs appointments, I schedule them at the earliest or latest part of the day to minimize time off.

Enjoy your luxury. Most of us do all that and more. I’m not “run ragged.” I just act like an adult and help support the family because mortgages and tuitions aren’t free.

I applaud your choice, don’t be derogatory about people who don’t have your choices. Because you act like all this is beneath you. Maybe this is part of the problem.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:26 am
amother [ Cinnamon ] wrote:
I’ve also had babies, do laundry, make lunches and dinner, go food shopping, go online for clothes shopping, and somehow I also do this and work. I’ve worked until the morning I go into labor. If anyone is sick or needs appointments, I schedule them at the earliest or latest part of the day to minimize time off.

Enjoy your luxury. Most of us do all that and more. I’m not “run ragged.” I just act like an adult and help support the family because mortgages and tuitions aren’t free.

You’re proving my point here.
I swear we can be our own worst enemies sometimes. Why isn’t your dh being an adult and doing any of that? Afraid of running the poor guy ragged?
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:27 am
amother [ Cinnamon ] wrote:
I’ve also had babies, do laundry, make lunches and dinner, go food shopping, go online for clothes shopping, and somehow I also do this and work. I’ve worked until the morning I go into labor. If anyone is sick or needs appointments, I schedule them at the earliest or latest part of the day to minimize time off.

Enjoy your luxury. Most of us do all that and more. I’m not “run ragged.” I just act like an adult and help support the family because mortgages and tuitions aren’t free.

I applaud your choice, don’t be derogatory about people who don’t have your choices. Because you act like all this is beneath you. Maybe this is part of the problem.

You were derogatory first. Nowhere did I say that anything is beneath me. I think you’re kind of projecting here.
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amother




Wine
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:31 am
amother [ Cinnamon ] wrote:
I always find it so distasteful when women explain that they just won’t work because of some fear of being “run ragged” or whatever exaggeration they want to use about working and why it’s beneath them. Not working is a luxury. Period. SOMEONE is being run ragged here, and you’re darn well lucky they’re supporting you.

How many times do women come onto this website and complain that their husbands won’t work? Maybe THEY don’t want to be run ragged either.

Point is, stop opining about why being a SAHM is just the best most optimal choice for life instead of calling it like it is. A luxury.

It’s not a contradiction. It is the most optimal choice and a luxury for those who can bh manage that.
Women were not meant to raise kids, run a household, and provide financial stability too. It was always meant to be a partnership where the DH provides and DW stays home to raise the kids and manage the house.
Unfortunately, not everyone manages on a one person income and therefore the DW does have to run herself ragged and juggle all balls. But why can’t you agree that being a SAHM is the optimal choice?
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amother




Cinnamon
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:31 am
Zehava wrote:
You’re proving my point here.
I swear we can be our own worst enemies sometimes. Why isn’t your dh being an adult and doing any of that? Afraid of running the poor guy ragged?


He works two jobs. I barely ever see him. Maybe most of us aren’t as lucky as you where you can afford to stay home.

I’m proud of working hard. He is too. He doesn’t want to take money from anyone.

I’m grateful to Hashem that I have a job and so does he, and that we can pay our tuitions in full and that we can pay the mortgage and we can give tzedakah.
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