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I'm so broken- help!
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 6:10 pm
I have one daughter BH.
She is 7 ka'h and she is gorgeous,kind and creative. Her emotional intelligence is way beyond her years.
Last year her teacher said that she was struggling with reading.
We had her evaluated and got very unusual mixed results. She scored very high on critical thinking and patterns but was struggling with decoding.
She was approved for services and has made loads of progress BH. Her p3 provider said that she is reading on grade level. I was feeling great! BH we tackled the problem head on and with Hashem's help and lots of work saw the light.
Untill today.
She came home with her 1st math test.
She got a 58%!!!!!!
I feel like I was punched in the stomach!
Worst part is that because she's so intuitive she saw my disappointment right through my feeble efforts.
I feel like a failure of a parent.
I am a teacher and my own daughter is failing 2nd grade! She's in for a tough ride through another 10 years of schooling.
Thanks for letting me vent. I won't be sharing this with anyone irl.
Anyone experience this and have advice?
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amother




Cyclamen
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 6:22 pm
You need to take the "I" out of this equation. "I am a teacher and my daughter is failing", "My only daughter", etc etc. It seeps throughout your post.

This is not about you and does not reflect anything about you.

Hashem gave you this daughter to raise, with her unique strengths and weaknesses. Every child has strengths and weaknesses. We need to remove our own pride from the equation and treat each issue in the way it needs to be treated. It sounds like she has a lot of strengths. Just as you got her reading help and she improved, so you will get her math help and she will iyh improve.

(I'm not saying it's easy. Trust me, we've got our own issues here with various kids. But I focus on how to help each child).
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amother




Magnolia
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 6:30 pm
Why are you jumping ahead to 10 years of schooling? It's the first test of the year. Call the teacher to talk about it but it doesn't mean she is failing forever.
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amother




Sand
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 6:43 pm
Exactly what amother cyclamen said.
When you said you were so broken I didn't expect what you wrote about. I'm not saying your feelings aren't real. They are and I hear you're very hurt, but the only thing I think you need to feel upset about is that your daughter saw through your brave attempt to pretend her mark didn't bother you. Good for you for trying to put on a good show and hope your acting skills continue to improve. The ultimate goal is not needing to act but knowing in your heart that your daughter is so much more than a little girl with poor math skills. She needs to know you love her and think she's perfect the way she is.
Some brains have a hard time with math. I was always a math whiz, not genius level but always got straight A's in anything math related. I've had a lot of struggles and heartache and my math skills didn't help a bit. Some of my kids are completely lost when they have to calculate anything and they're the most incredible human beings.
There's a lot of help out there for kids like your daughter, as a teacher I'm sure you know that. Her marks might improve, with help she might get the hang of it. Meanwhile, and even if she remains more of a creative type than a numbers person, love her for her cute giggle, her adorable personality, the funny things she says and most of all for being yours.
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amother




Moccasin
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 6:46 pm
You know she responds well to help (we call it stimuable), she's been evaluated in the past and gotten services. Take your feelings out of it. Get her services again and let her fly.
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amother




Thistle
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 6:54 pm
Who cares about math and test marks, seriously, as a teacher you should know this. (Yes I'm a teacher)
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amother




Springgreen
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:02 pm
I am and have always been a math whiz B”H and I still remember a math test in second or third grade where I got a 20% because the teacher wanted to “teach me a lesson” about the “right way” to do math (and still come to the same result of course). Did the test look like she really didn’t understand the material?
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amother




Calendula
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:06 pm
Sometimes children learn differently. My daughter is in 3rf grade. She is great in reading and spelling and not as great in math. I taught her the math myself after getting direction from the teacher and she did amazing at the end if the year.
Just help your daughter instead of wallowing in self pity.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:13 pm
Thank you for all the replies.
1 I am taking it personally because I feel really bad
2 I know this is about my dd and will get her the help she needs iyH
3 Her teacher reached out to me last week.
She said that she's not following along in class. I reassured her that my dd did her homework beautifully. Now I feel stupid and disappointed.
4 As a teacher I see firsthand how challenging school can be for children who struggle. I don't want that for my dd.
My feelings are real.
I'm well aware that there are many, many worse things in life. I've been through many of them.
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amother




Catmint
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:15 pm
Did you study for the test with her, and how did it go then?
It seems like the p3 helped for reading so maybe they can help for math too.
Don't jump ahead 10 years, you take one day at a time. You don't have the strength now to deal with that struggle but you can handle today's struggle. Little by little you will adjust and give her the help she needs. You are exactly the mother she needs and I know that because Hashem gave her to you to raise so that means there is something about you and your daughter that needs this particular challenge to tackle together.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:17 pm
amother [ Thistle ] wrote:
Who cares about math and test marks, seriously, as a teacher you should know this. (Yes I'm a teacher)

So I agree and I disagree. Tests in general are not a good measure of knowledge. However low marks can be a sign of other issues, and should not be ignored.
OP I second the suggestion to talk to the teacher. Also, look over the test and see if you notice any kind of pattern in what she got wrong. How many questions were on the test? Was it a decent sized test, where each question was only worth a few points, or was it smaller and they were worth more?
My son brought home his first math test today. While looking it over, I noticed there were a few questions that would have definitely spelled trouble for a dyslexic student.
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amother




NeonPurple
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:21 pm
OP it’s normal to be disappointed when we find out our children are struggling with something we Didn’t think they would. Allow yourself to grieve and mourn the image of that bright little girl sailing through school. Let the feelings pass through you, feel them all the way. Then watch them go. Dust yourself off, and start making plans.
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momX4




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:25 pm
Did you get back the full test? If yes sit down with your dd and ask her to try 2 examples again. Sut next to her and watch.

Maybe she isn't reading the question properly. Maybe she gets them correct now and something was bothering her in school....
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AinOidMilvado




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:28 pm
Just listening to this and thought it may help with perspective.
https://torahdownloads.com/pla.....17298
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Laiya




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:36 pm
OP, some comments.

Because you said she struggles with decoding, did the math test have word problems? Is it possible she's understanding the math concepts but getting tripped up with the reading? If that's the case, her grade is more a reflection of her reading skills than her understanding of the math.

When you did homework with her, did it seem to you she understood the math concepts? If so, is it possible she has test taking anxiety? Especially since this is the first test and you described her as having high emotional intelligence. High EQ go along with high sensitivity so she might be more prone to test anxiety.
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amother




Blushpink
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 8:10 pm
Have her vision evaluated for binocular dysfunction/ instability
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amother




Lightblue
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 9:04 pm
I also think it’s quick to jump to conclusions that she’ll always struggle, she might always need support but it may be smooth sailing.

I had a good friend in hs I was always so inspired by her and her parents simple approach to her LD- this was what she did well, this is what she went out for. Priority was for her to have tutors she liked and to never sit through classes she couldn’t handle just to torture herself.

She was popular and Bh successful in her schooling in the sense that she has a masters degree + certification at this point (she’s a LBA, equivalent to BCBA). Makes a good parnassah with beautiful family and most importantly has the most amazing self confidence.

The future is bright. Your feelings are valid but don’t let that anxiety and sadness paint the future.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 9:09 pm
I think it's very normal to do poorly on the first test of the year. Lots of kids need a chance to get used to the teacher's test style.
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amother




Crocus
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 9:27 pm
Hey, don't sweat it. It's just a math test. If I told you today that one day your creative, smart, critical thinking daugher was going to own her own business and make lots of money, how would you feel? Pretty great! Would you even remember this test? No!

My son had the opposite issue. A whiz with math, couldn't understand reading comprehension. To this day, hates reading. So what? He's majoring in math, going to be an accountant, I'm not worried. We got him tutors, but didn't go nuts.

Do that! Get tutors, learn to let go.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2021, 9:33 pm
amother [ Crocus ] wrote:
Hey, don't sweat it. It's just a math test. If I told you today that one day your creative, smart, critical thinking daugher was going to own her own business and make lots of money, how would you feel? Pretty great! Would you even remember this test? No!

My son had the opposite issue. A whiz with math, couldn't understand reading comprehension. To this day, hates reading. So what? He's majoring in math, going to be an accountant, I'm not worried. We got him tutors, but didn't go nuts.

Do that! Get tutors, learn to let go.


Thanks for this!
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