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How do kollel wives do it?
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 6:34 pm
im an slp cf and work m-th
60$ an hour bc im in my cfy

5760 a month
but its never that much
after taxes im left with 1000 left

add in all my absences/yt/class trips.... im maybe left with 4200 at the end of the month

we pay the babysitter... close to 750$
we pay rent... 2200. nothing cheaper where we live.
car- gas, insurance etc..
groceries- 120$ a week

we live quite frugally and even then were never left with leftovers

we wanted to start off our marriage with dh learning but it never worked out bc I was in school + not working and + no support and now that I started to work I barely make enough

how do kollel wives do it?
I have friends who are even buying houses and theyre secretaries in an office!
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amother
Broom


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 6:44 pm
Many many families have family support
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amother
Lightcyan


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 6:45 pm
We get a kollel check in addition to my work. And we live in a basement to save on rent. And live very very frugally.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 6:45 pm
amother [ Broom ] wrote:
Many many families have family support


And many many don't.
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amother
Milk


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 6:45 pm
How many hours do you work? Do you work summers? Do you have a lot of vacations throughout the year?

Many therapists work part time and seem shocked they don't make a full time salary. Could be your friends are working way more hours. Could be they get help. Maybe their husband's bring in some money on the side. Take a better look at how much you really work and see if you can change that.
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amother
Eggplant


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 6:47 pm
They can usually afford the house because of parental assistance. In addition, girls that have not gone to school and didn't get engaged right after seminary usually have a nice amount saved up that goes towards the down payment.
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amother
Brickred


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 6:48 pm
I don't know where you live but here in Lakewood rent for an apartment is a close to a thousand dollars less than what you are paying and babysitting is bet $3-400 a month...

Also while some of them are buying houses many aren't many are barely scraping by..
.
Another thing to consider is that if a couple is getting supported even just a bit that can give them some breathing space.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 6:55 pm
I'm a kollel wife who still pinches myself that we're going on 9 years in kollel iyH. I've never been supported and didn't get married with a nest egg. I also don't have a degree.

How I do it?

A huge, huge dose of siyatta dishmaya, crazy strong desire to make this happen and frugal living.

I live in small quarters (hoping to move soon, please Hashem) with a number of children kah. I work two jobs that thankfully allow me to still be home with my children in the afternoon. Between my salaries and my husband kollel checks we're managing. The only gvt. program we use is Jersey Care for my kids.

Right now our rent is relatively low. Daycare is also pretty low since I work in the morning and evenings. But expenses add up and I thank Hashem every day that this continues to work. When it stops working, my husband will start working Smile. If I have to live carefully, I'm glad it's because my husband is learning. It also helps a lot to be surrounded by people in the same boat - family, friends, neighbors.

And honestly, I give myself big pats on the back! I'm so proud of myself that I work hard, give my children a joyous, happy home and even manage through difficult pregnancies. It's a zechus that I don't take for granted. And just like many middle class families there are times when we are tighter than others.
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amother
Phlox


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 7:00 pm
When my husband was in Kollel, he brought home around $600 a month, I brought home about 3000 a month post tax. Rent was 1600. Babysitting was 1000-1200 (depending on the year, and we didn't pay for Friday's since Kollel off Fridays). 400 for food. 200 insurance on our 1 car. 300 for other bills. Husband ended up leaving Kollel while I was pregnant with my second , and I cut my hours a bit when she was born.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 7:04 pm
Why aren't you working Fridays as well? How would things change if you added Friday income?
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amother
Amaryllis


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 7:13 pm
I did for 9 years (some family support in the earlier years) by working full time as an accountant. I was always salaried, never hourly, and the most โ€œpart timeโ€ schedule I ever had was Fridays off during less busy times during three of those years.
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amother
Obsidian


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 7:32 pm
$60 an hour is more than enough.... you obviously dont work full time. If you work full time you would make a lot more.
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amother
Pansy


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 7:37 pm
BTW there are many many first time homeowners options where you can't be making alot In order to qualify and they give you better mortgage rate allow u to put down less money in your down-payment have grants towards ur house etc....we bought our house wen we were married 2 years and husband still in killed n I thought It was impossible until my husband actually looked around crunched the numbers and was like omg we cud do it now davka bec we're not making a lot lol. (Granted the houses were lower priced at tht point pre covid and we got a smaller house but it's still a house nonetheless and we built up equity in the meantime BH!) So yeh there r ways tht it's poss depending on the area of course.
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amother
Pansy


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 7:40 pm
* Kollel ( auto correct ๐Ÿ™„)
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:03 pm
Bottom line: donโ€™t try to crunch the numbers or figure it out. Kollel is ืœืžืขืœื” ืžืŸ ื”ื˜ื‘ืข and it only works because we get loads of Siyata Dishmaya!
Signed,
A Kollel wife of almost 3 decades
And a daughter of a Kollel avreich
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:05 pm
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
Bottom line: donโ€™t try to crunch the numbers or figure it out. Kollel is ืœืžืขืœื” ืžืŸ ื”ื˜ื‘ืข and it only works because we get loads of Siyata Dishmaya!
Signed,
A Kollel wife of almost 3 decades
And a daughter of a Kollel avreich


No question about it! There is also a lot of determination involved. We are Moser nefesh...happily and proudly but our way of life is a kollel lifestyle today in 2021.
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amother
Hydrangea


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:10 pm
amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
I'm a kollel wife who still pinches myself that we're going on 9 years in kollel iyH. I've never been supported and didn't get married with a nest egg. I also don't have a degree.

How I do it?

A huge, huge dose of siyatta dishmaya, crazy strong desire to make this happen and frugal living.

I live in small quarters (hoping to move soon, please Hashem) with a number of children kah. I work two jobs that thankfully allow me to still be home with my children in the afternoon. Between my salaries and my husband kollel checks we're managing. The only gvt. program we use is Jersey Care for my kids.

Right now our rent is relatively low. Daycare is also pretty low since I work in the morning and evenings. But expenses add up and I thank Hashem every day that this continues to work. When it stops working, my husband will start working Smile. If I have to live carefully, I'm glad it's because my husband is learning. It also helps a lot to be surrounded by people in the same boat - family, friends, neighbors.

And honestly, I give myself big pats on the back! I'm so proud of myself that I work hard, give my children a joyous, happy home and even manage through difficult pregnancies. It's a zechus that I don't take for granted. And just like many middle class families there are times when we are tighter than others.




Wow thank youu. This really gave me chizuk. I am a kollel wife in fourth year and it is hard.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:16 pm
amother [ Hydrangea ] wrote:
Wow thank youu. This really gave me chizuk. I am a kollel wife in fourth year and it is hard.


Finances aren't easy. Remember parnassah comes from Hashem - we just do our part. If I told you my 2 jobs, you would laugh. They're both considered low paying jobs. But somehow they add to make this work. And I live pretty normally - new clothing, shaitels etc.

There's no question that there is tremendous siyata dishmaya. That's not to say some kollel families don't struggle financially. We make many daily decisions that trace back to our kollel decision. But lots of working father families struggle too.

Hatzlacha!
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:23 pm
When dh was in Kollel we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with 4+ kids. Rent was 1k a month. Babysitting was under 400 a month and playgroup was under 250. This was in Lakewood. We also got nice sized tax refunds every year
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:23 pm
Everybody says it but few believe it: parnosseh comes from Hashem.

DH learned in kollel for 9 years, and only afterward did we experience true, overwhelming financial problems. Do whatever hishtadlus you can, but remember that Hashem is really in charge.
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