How do kollel wives do it?

amother

Firethorn

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 8:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I travel to brooklyn for my school and when I asked for some PM EI cases in either bk or far rockaway they told me they have nothing open
ive tried
whatever... ill just tough it out until I get my c's and then im done with agencies. I really want to work for doe

my husband is training now hes out of the house at 6:30 am and home by 8 pm. theres no time for any side jobs. he'll start earning money in about a months time

and yep far rockaway is really really expensive...

Can you move to Brooklyn?

amother

Mintcream

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:20 pm

Hashem will help OP. Right now, she could use more money. IyH she will look back and won't believe the miracles that led to her wonderful life.
Why should she move to Brooklyn??? Ridiculous! Obviously, there is more to the story and a reason why she lives where she does.
Maybe you can borrow short term from parents or siblings.... just thinking of ideas.

amother

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:41 pm

amother [ Mintcream ] wrote:

I borrowed 300$ from my dad to pay my babysitter and felt rly bad about myself. im not made out to borrow from people

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:56 pm

It's really hard to live with a small income but I wonder what your budget looks like?

Ignore me if I'm wrong but I am getting the impression that you are living with a victim mindset.
Many kollel couples struggle and live very simply - no manicures, no takeout, buying only chicken instead of meat. Especially since you know that this will probably be a short term situation - when your husband gets a job things will ease up a bit - I wonder if you can cut down on any non-essential spending just to get through this year.

amother

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 4:47 pm

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

we met with someone from achiezer and went through a budget with her
we live very frugally. at the moment we go to my in laws for dinner most nights

I guess my op was about my friends in kollel who live very simply but they seemingly get things that dont match their income.... one just got an eternity ring, my other 2 friends just bought houses etc...
not trying to play victim here im genuinely curious how these people make the numbers work

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 7:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Woah, I'm sorry I misunderstood, yeah lots of people either live above their means or have support. Or they got married later and have a decent amount saved up, there's no magic trick.

amother

Charcoal

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You don't know the income of your friends in kollel, so there is no way for you to know what matches their income. Like I said in one of my previous posts, many men in kollel do bring in money. You said that your husband is in middle of training and can't work at this point so you are not in the same position as most kollel couples.

During the kollel years, we both worked very hard hard with crazy schedules and lived very simply. Like I said in previous posts we actually managed to save a lot whiIe in kollel.

And now for the disclaimers:

No, we were not supported, my parents can't afford it

No, we did not reply on the community. The few times that the rav of our shul called before pesach and asked if we needed money, we said no

No, we did not rely on programs. I actually pay an exorbitant amount for my health insurance (I have a health condition that requires very good insurance).

And yes my husband bought me an eternity band at one point during our kollel years, after I went through a very difficult pregnancy loss and subsequent pregnancy. It was a total surprise and not something I expected at all. Every penny that he paid for it was earned through his hard work.

Dreamer

Wed, Nov 10 2021, 12:25 pm

Agree with so many of you here!

We were a kollel family for almost 10 years (bh!). I can repeat what many of you here said (no family support, cleaning help, babysitters or vacations, etc. but Hashem helped us in unexpected ways- once we needed to pay for a car repair the day someone gave me $ for assisting in her kid's shidduch- exact amount needed for the car.)
What I do want to share is what I found after my husband started working..
Suddenly things don't last as long, we don't find amazing deals on sale anymore, etc.
I feel that the special siyata dishmaya that we had is lost.