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S/o Are you part of the 'scotch coat' club?
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 12:08 pm
I buy the $20 childrens place puffers and we find them perfect 🤷‍♀️
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amother




Beige
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 12:44 pm
I'm not part of the club, nor do I want to be, even though I can afford it. It's just not my values. BH I live OOT amongst people who also do not value this... I think it is part of societal/cultural norms in certain "in towny" areas, where keeping up with the Joneses and latest fashion is of utmost priority. I know people who were struggling to put food on the table, and living in this sort of society when you are in that situation is very damaging for most normal ppl...

That being said, I think most of these yidden are indeed very generous with their money as well. They are big baalei tzedaka and gomlei chassidim, really beautiful people. I like to think that someone who would throw out $150 on an 11 yr old's coat, would hopefully also drop the same amount when approached by someone in need!

Every area and middah has its pros and cons.
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 12:53 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
That is beautiful
Then I'm not talking about you
There are families who do not give much tzedaka, and rely on scholarships and family support to fund their kids wardrobes. And it bothers me so much.
I lived in kgh, where it's normal to own a Lexus SUV and send your kids to public school because your 'can't afford' the tuition.
Maybe I'm preaching to the choir.


OP I truly feel for you but I have to respond. I don't know anyone here like that, except as another poster said, that's a specific community. One thing I love about kgh is there's no pressure not to dress your kids in childrens place, gap or old navy, and I'm only using those brands as an example. This pressure for name brands, cars, everything is not something I've felt here.

May your situation turn around and Hashem should bless your family with bracha and parnassah ad bli dai.
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amother




Salmon
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 1:01 pm
I have some clothing in nice condition that my kids grew out of, some of it designer. I live in NY area and can easily arrange to drop it off in queens. Let me know your kids sizes.

Ps. I will not judge you for taking, I took clothes from mommy3b2c a few years ago when I was barely making ends meet. Hopefully in a few years you’ll be on here offering the same for someone else!
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 1:23 pm
Mi k'amcha yisrael.
I just need to say how I'm blown away by the kindness I've seen on this thread.
Amother salmon (thanks so much for your offer, I'm out of town now), and all those who were understanding and empathetic, and especially those who have offered help, you have restored my faith in people. May Hashem bentch you to always have what you need, and even to always be on the giving end.
For all those who put me in my place. Thank you. I was happy to hear that my perceptions are wrong, and the dynamic that I'm describing is a very tiny minority. Unfortunately, I personally know a bunch of people like this. Relatives who we are not close to, my sisters in law, and the families that they come from ... I'm happy to hear that it's not the norm.
May Hashem give all his precious children everything they need, material and otherwise.
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SafeAtLast




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 1:33 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
That is beautiful
Then I'm not talking about you
There are families who do not give much tzedaka, and rely on scholarships and family support to fund their kids wardrobes. And it bothers me so much.
I lived in kgh, where it's normal to own a Lexus SUV and send your kids to public school because your 'can't afford' the tuition.
Maybe I'm preaching to the choir.


You don't know that and you are being judgemental.
You have no idea what's going on in anyone's pocketbook.
That kid wearing an expensive coat may be wearing a hand me down, or his grandmother may have gotten him the coat.

Even if the mom does find it important to spend on an expensive coat for whatever reason, it's none of your business, and they definitely do not owe you anything.
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amother




Camellia
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 1:33 pm
Op I want to help u
Please pm me ur address
2 years ago I was struggling couldn’t afford clothes or food for y”t and 2 people gave us cash and gift card to a store. It saved us!!
Bh now we got stimulus and child tax credits and money from unemployment so we’re ok now Bh. I want to help u now when I can
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amother




Pansy
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 1:48 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
As someone who can't even afford to buy CHEAP clothing for my kids (food stamps doesn't pay for clothes) I just need to know that there are others who understand. Dh and I work very very hard. We have both worked on getting degrees, and life circumstances (illness, special needs) have slammed is down again and again. Dh is finally finishing his training, and please please please Hashem will get a job that can at least help pay for bare necessities.
I'm just wondering if the Scotch Coat Club would even consider helping someone in their community buy normal-priced coats for their kids.


OP, I understand you.
I grew up in a dirt poor home. Didnt own a single garment that had not been owned by others previously until I was in highschool. That includes socks and underwear. The shoes I wore were $10, ugly, and lasted me 3 years-from the first year when they were intentionally bought "with room to grow", through the 3rd year when they were torn and scuffed and way too tight.
I raised money for tomchei shabbos together with my classmates, then waited up for our own boxes to be delivered.
I watched my mother sob her heart out at 1 am because the house was listed in the newspaper under foreclosure....I answered phone calls for my parents to debt collectors with the pre-rehearsed script "my parents are not available".
I can go on and on..
And throughout this all I watched my classmates live normally...and I became very aware of something.
Everyone seemed to be able to afford life on a normal level. I didnt begrudge anyone else for having nice shoes and pretty headbands and taking ice skating leasons and going out for pizza....I understood that that was just "normal".
But when certain classmates wore brand named sweatshirts, shoes; accessories that cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars....it hurt.
In the same breath that they'd talk about how their parents were hosting a parlor meeting for a tzedakah organization, they'd complain that their "brand new Burberry shoes that cost $600 are pinching my toes!!".
And I just couldnt.....the only thoughts through my head was "why cant you buy a pair for $50 and stop shoving in my face how much extra you have??"
I can not explain the pain to you.
If youve been there, you know.
So as a child, I told myself that IH if I ever have enough money when im an adult, even if I can afford it I still will not cause others that kind of pain if I can help it.

BH BH BH fast forward a bunch of years...and I live comfortably. BH!!!!
I am now a mother to children who know that mommy and daddy will gladly buy them brand name items, but only if it is not obviously brand name. If there is any brand name or logo displayed on it, or any identifying mark, then forget about it.
My kids cut off the Venettini label on their loafers, gladly, so that they wouldnt inadvertently cause extra pain to a classmate who cant afford even the basics.
They know I dont wear my nicer shaitel when I go to certain people.
They know we are but purposely leaving the outdoors of our house looking plain.


People will say im extreme.
Yeah, ok.
If youve felt that pain from others, then you know why I try so hard not to pass it on.
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amother




Hyssop
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 1:53 pm
SafeAtLast wrote:


Even if the mom does find it important to spend on an expensive coat for whatever reason, it's none of your business, and they definitely do not owe you anything.


This line bothers me tremendously.

What about
kol yisroel areivim
Ahava yisroel - feeling the pain of another Jew.

It’s brought down that Hashem gives money to yidden to share with others. Wealth is meant to be spread to an extent. Like a waiter serves food on a serving platter and it’s not meant for one person but the table.

If we remember who is the one who is responsible for our good fortune maybe we wouldn’t answer another yid in pain on this way.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 1:57 pm
amother [ Hyssop ] wrote:
This line bothers me tremendously.

What about
kol yisroel areivim
Ahava yisroel - feeling the pain of another Jew.

It’s brought down that Hashem gives money to yidden to share with others. Wealth is meant to be spread to an extent. Like a waiter serves food on a serving platter and it’s not meant for one person but the table.

If we remember who is the one who is responsible for our good fortune maybe we wouldn’t answer another yid in pain on this way.

Communism was never a Jewish concept
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amother




Blush
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 1:58 pm
amother [ Pansy ] wrote:
OP, I understand you.
I grew up in a dirt poor home. Didnt own a single garment that had not been owned by others previously until I was in highschool. That includes socks and underwear. The shoes I wore were $10, ugly, and lasted me 3 years-from the first year when they were intentionally bought "with room to grow", through the 3rd year when they were torn and scuffed and way too tight.
I raised money for tomchei shabbos together with my classmates, then waited up for our own boxes to be delivered.
I watched my mother sob her heart out at 1 am because the house was listed in the newspaper under foreclosure....I answered phone calls for my parents to debt collectors with the pre-rehearsed script "my parents are not available".
I can go on and on..
And throughout this all I watched my classmates live normally...and I became very aware of something.
Everyone seemed to be able to afford life on a normal level. I didnt begrudge anyone else for having nice shoes and pretty headbands and taking ice skating leasons and going out for pizza....I understood that that was just "normal".
But when certain classmates wore brand named sweatshirts, shoes; accessories that cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars....it hurt.
In the same breath that they'd talk about how their parents were hosting a parlor meeting for a tzedakah organization, they'd complain that their "brand new Burberry shoes that cost $600 are pinching my toes!!".
And I just couldnt.....the only thoughts through my head was "why cant you buy a pair for $50 and stop shoving in my face how much extra you have??"
I can not explain the pain to you.
If youve been there, you know.
So as a child, I told myself that IH if I ever have enough money when im an adult, even if I can afford it I still will not cause others that kind of pain if I can help it.

BH BH BH fast forward a bunch of years...and I live comfortably. BH!!!!
I am now a mother to children who know that mommy and daddy will gladly buy them brand name items, but only if it is not obviously brand name. If there is any brand name or logo displayed on it, or any identifying mark, then forget about it.
My kids cut off the Venettini label on their loafers, gladly, so that they wouldnt inadvertently cause extra pain to a classmate who cant afford even the basics.
They know I dont wear my nicer shaitel when I go to certain people.
They know we are but purposely leaving the outdoors of our house looking plain.


People will say im extreme.
Yeah, ok.
If youve felt that pain from others, then you know why I try so hard not to pass it on.


I relate to this.

That’s why my purse has no visible label. I will not buy shoes with a logo (other than sneakers with Nike or adidas). Same for clothing. I wear simple tasteful jewelry. My children are young but I hope to be a good example. Right now they dress in a lot of gap, old navy- you can even find Shabbos things there!
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amother




Hyssop
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 2:03 pm
Zehava wrote:
Communism was never a Jewish concept


Actually it is. (And I’m a republican)
Ma’aser to start that 10% or even more of your earnings to to tzedakah.

There are halachos if communities need to have funds for shul, mikvah. Even school in past were community funded.

I’m not making these ideas up. They are brought down in sefirim and teachings.

And have to remember all money comes from Hashem. Not from yourself.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 2:13 pm
amother [ Pansy ] wrote:
OP, I understand you.
I grew up in a dirt poor home. Didnt own a single garment that had not been owned by others previously until I was in highschool. That includes socks and underwear. The shoes I wore were $10, ugly, and lasted me 3 years-from the first year when they were intentionally bought "with room to grow", through the 3rd year when they were torn and scuffed and way too tight.
I raised money for tomchei shabbos together with my classmates, then waited up for our own boxes to be delivered.
I watched my mother sob her heart out at 1 am because the house was listed in the newspaper under foreclosure....I answered phone calls for my parents to debt collectors with the pre-rehearsed script "my parents are not available".
I can go on and on..
And throughout this all I watched my classmates live normally...and I became very aware of something.
Everyone seemed to be able to afford life on a normal level. I didnt begrudge anyone else for having nice shoes and pretty headbands and taking ice skating leasons and going out for pizza....I understood that that was just "normal".
But when certain classmates wore brand named sweatshirts, shoes; accessories that cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars....it hurt.
In the same breath that they'd talk about how their parents were hosting a parlor meeting for a tzedakah organization, they'd complain that their "brand new Burberry shoes that cost $600 are pinching my toes!!".
And I just couldnt.....the only thoughts through my head was "why cant you buy a pair for $50 and stop shoving in my face how much extra you have??"
I can not explain the pain to you.
If youve been there, you know.
So as a child, I told myself that IH if I ever have enough money when im an adult, even if I can afford it I still will not cause others that kind of pain if I can help it.

BH BH BH fast forward a bunch of years...and I live comfortably. BH!!!!
I am now a mother to children who know that mommy and daddy will gladly buy them brand name items, but only if it is not obviously brand name. If there is any brand name or logo displayed on it, or any identifying mark, then forget about it.
My kids cut off the Venettini label on their loafers, gladly, so that they wouldnt inadvertently cause extra pain to a classmate who cant afford even the basics.
They know I dont wear my nicer shaitel when I go to certain people.
They know we are but purposely leaving the outdoors of our house looking plain.


People will say im extreme.
Yeah, ok.
If youve felt that pain from others, then you know why I try so hard not to pass it on.


Wow. I don't even know what to say.
I cannot even imagine you're pain growing up
Wish I had time to validate this properly, but most of all, I'm so impressed with how you took your hardships and used them to become a better, more sensitive person. I hope to be like you when I grow up Wink
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 2:20 pm
amother [ Hyssop ] wrote:
Actually it is. (And I’m a republican)
Ma’aser to start that 10% or even more of your earnings to to tzedakah.

There are halachos if communities need to have funds for shul, mikvah. Even school in past were community funded.

I’m not making these ideas up. They are brought down in sefirim and teachings.

And have to remember all money comes from Hashem. Not from yourself.

None of this is close to communism. More like the concept of taxes.
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SafeAtLast




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 2:43 pm
amother [ Hyssop ] wrote:
This line bothers me tremendously.

What about
kol yisroel areivim
Ahava yisroel - feeling the pain of another Jew.

It’s brought down that Hashem gives money to yidden to share with others. Wealth is meant to be spread to an extent. Like a waiter serves food on a serving platter and it’s not meant for one person but the table.

If we remember who is the one who is responsible for our good fortune maybe we wouldn’t answer another yid in pain on this way.


There is a difference between feeling the pain of another Jew, and the other Jew shoving the pain in your face.

The Other Jew need not guilt anyone who has more, because she has less. Even if it hurts.
No one owes her anything, and no one is taking anything that belongs to her.

It’s one thing to say- I need help, I don’t have money for shoes.
It’s quite another to say- I don’t have money for brand name shoes, and you need to help me because you have brand name shoes.

It’s simple jealousy.
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amother




Papaya
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 2:48 pm
It’s one thing to say- I need help, I don’t have money for shoes.
It’s quite another to say- I don’t have money for brand name shoes, and you need to help me because you have brand name shoes.

It’s simple jealousy.[/quote]


This!!
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 2:55 pm
I have gotten free coats from coats for kids when we needed it and didn’t have the budget. No one should be without a warm coat in the winter.
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amother




Beige
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 2:57 pm
SafeAtLast wrote:
There is a difference between feeling the pain of another Jew, and the other Jew shoving the pain in your face.

The Other Jew need not guilt anyone who has more, because she has less. Even if it hurts.
No one owes her anything, and no one is taking anything that belongs to her.

It’s one thing to say- I need help, I don’t have money for shoes.
It’s quite another to say- I don’t have money for brand name shoes, and you need to help me because you have brand name shoes.

It’s simple jealousy.


However some would say that wearing very expensive clothing is considered shoving the pain in the face of others...
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amother




Lily
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 2:58 pm
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
It’s one thing to say- I need help, I don’t have money for shoes.
It’s quite another to say- I don’t have money for brand name shoes, and you need to help me because you have brand name shoes.

It’s simple jealousy.



This!![/quote]
Coming from a place of pain it makes sense. Not brand names but the excessive designer things. I remember when I only had 5$ to make shabbos - buy veggies for salad etc. People were walking around in furs I was so sad. I felt invisible. The how could it be we all live in the same area. Some have everything and others its a struggle- gathering cans to cash out for money.. it was a really hard time in my life.
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amother




Hyssop
 

Post Fri, Oct 15 2021, 3:09 pm
SafeAtLast wrote:
There is a difference between feeling the pain of another Jew, and the other Jew shoving the pain in your face.

The Other Jew need not guilt anyone who has more, because she has less. Even if it hurts.
No one owes her anything, and no one is taking anything that belongs to her.

It’s one thing to say- I need help, I don’t have money for shoes.
It’s quite another to say- I don’t have money for brand name shoes, and you need to help me because you have brand name shoes.

It’s simple jealousy.


The OP said she can’t afford clothing.
She asked if ppl can help her buy normal costs for her kids - not scotch coats.



And to say no one owes you anything…

She is obviously suffering

.
Quote:
I'm just wondering if the Scotch Coat Club would even consider helping someone in their community buy normal-priced coats for their kids
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