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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:23 pm
My parents pronounce my baby's name differently than we do. It really annoys me. I can't say it's WRONG because some people pronounce it like that (sefardim). But we aren't sefardi. Parents are BT. How can I get them to pronounce it like we do without them being offended? Is that even reasonable, that I want them to pronounce it like we do?
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amother




Papayawhip
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:28 pm
sounds hard.
I would just keep saying the babys name around parents as much as possible hoping theyll catch on.

my babys name is sarah. my parents pronounce it the syrian way even though I married ashkenaz!
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amother




Gardenia
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:30 pm
In in. MY dads will he wrote my daughters name wrong
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imaima




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:35 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My parents pronounce my baby's name differently than we do. It really annoys me. I can't say it's WRONG because some people pronounce it like that (sefardim). But we aren't sefardi. Parents are BT. How can I get them to pronounce it like we do without them being offended? Is that even reasonable, that I want them to pronounce it like we do?


My MIL pronounces it how she wants but we literally see her twice a year so I let her. That should be her special pet name for this child.
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amother




Yellow
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:58 pm
Had same issue. Wait a few years. Your child will correct them.
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amother




Hunter
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:16 pm
Is it possible to frame it differently.
Its possible they are insecure about the pronounciation themselves.
My parents pronounced my kids and nephews and neices names differently.
There were times it grated on me. Now that they’ve passed I see it as endearing.
My sister has hard time with one of her grandson’s names and one of my children’s names. We talk about it lightheartedly it makes all the difference.
( cultural / country difference)
Is there a way to shift the mindset.
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amother




Jetblack
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:17 pm
My advice is to try not to let it bother you.

Grandparents can have the right to call their grandchildren a name that they are more comfortable with.

I have a son named Dovid. My parents call him Duvid. It's fine. They aren't comfortable saying Dovid.

My husband also grew up with his grandparents calling him a different name than his parents. It's only a big deal if you make it into a big deal.
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amother




Honeysuckle
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:17 pm
amother [ Hunter ] wrote:
Is it possible to frame it differently.
Its possible they are insecure about the pronounciation themselves.
My parents pronounced my kids and nephews and neices names differently.
There were times it grated on me. Now that they’ve passed I see it as endearing.
My sister has hard time with one of her grandson’s names and one of my children’s names. We talk about it lightheartedly it makes all the difference.
( cultural / country difference)
Is there a way to shift the mindset.


Good point!
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amother




Tan
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:20 pm
My in laws do this and it’s very annoying but I let them say it however they want. I can’t correct them and It’s not the type where my child will correct them either. He doesn’t like going there and a big part of it is not being listened to.
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:22 pm
Leave it. Unless the mispronunciation results in something offensive like calling a child named MoRAN MOron (which is what you would be doing if you pronounced it Ashkenazy) and as far as your parents are concerned, you’re the one pronouncing it wrong. I assume they brought you up with the Sefaradi pronunciation and you changed to accommodate your husband.

Suppose your parents were of English origin and you grew up in New York. You would be popping VEYEtamins while they’d be swallowing VITamins. You’d go to DANcing while they’d be DAHncing. Same difference here.

Choose your battles. This one is pointless. Your dc will still recognize his name. As painful as their accent may be to you, yours—especially if you deliberately changed it because you think it makes you fit in better in your new surroundings—is just as painful to them. Maybe more so since it makes it seem as if you’re rejecting everything that pronunciation represents, whether or not this is true.
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amother




Gold
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:24 pm
If your parents are BT and it's from lack of cultural understanding/knowledge, I'd mention it casually, without making a whole case. My oldest son has a less common name, and my mother has never heard of it and I had to correct her pronunciation a few times. If it's a hashkafic thing (like the poster who said her in laws say Duvid) I'd try really hard to let it slide because ultimately, it's your kid and you're raising it how you want. It's a small battle to "lose" and you win the war.

Otoh, I have a bil whose kids go by their English names, as does his wife. My mil is the only person in the world who insists on calling them all and referring to them all by Hebrew names. It's bizarre. I literally often don't know who she's talking about when I get a random text about "Menucha"
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:29 pm
my MIL who isn't frum pronounces my daughter's name like the secular way instead of the Jewish. I asked my daughter if it bothers her, she said no. I don't correct my MIL. If my daughter whose name it is doesn't care why should I?
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amother




Lightgray
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:35 pm
Argh don't get me started all my in laws call my baby by his double name even though I very obviously and pointedly call him and caption his name in pics as he is called. It bothers me because we have plenty of nicknames in the extended family (some pretty bizarre) that everyone uses and respects but for some reason everyone keeps calling my son Avraham dovid even though we call him Avraham. He's not even named for an Avraham Dovid, I have no idea what their mental block is but I will say it's very hurtful. Learn my kids dam name. It's been almost 2 years.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:42 pm
so interesting... why don't you want him to be called by his full name? I always say I gave my kids two names you can call them one or both, if I gave them the name I'm fine with them being called by it. There is an inyan of at least one person calling somone by their full name. it's just sometimes hard when you see the child all the time so you switch to something shorter for convenience.

maybe mention it point blank that you don't want them calling him his full name. I neve would have thought it would be an issue. I used to call my neice her full name even though her family didn't and her mother took the same attitude, she gave her both names, has no problem with me calling her by both.
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amother




Lightgray
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:55 pm
amother [ Carnation ] wrote:
so interesting... why don't you want him to be called by his full name? I always say I gave my kids two names you can call them one or both, if I gave them the name I'm fine with them being called by it. There is an inyan of at least one person calling somone by their full name. it's just sometimes hard when you see the child all the time so you switch to something shorter for convenience.

maybe mention it point blank that you don't want them calling him his full name. I neve would have thought it would be an issue. I used to call my neice her full name even though her family didn't and her mother took the same attitude, she gave her both names, has no problem with me calling her by both.


They don't call anyone else by their full names. I correct them every time, we call him Avraham. They just don't pay attention or care to call him what he is called. To me it's a disrespect. If it's like a bubby thing. Bubby calls all the grandchildren by their full names ok. But if they (in laws, SILs, Bils) are calling other kids Deen, or Sru, or by single names- why can't they call my child by his actual called name. Sry for hijacking but it upsets me so much.
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tryinghard




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 2:07 pm
Why does it bother you? It's highly unlikely that the way the grandparents refer to the child will stick in any other context. I'm sure there are other annoying things that they do as well. It's just not worth making a big deal about.

My mother-in-law has consistently spelled my name wrong, for 13 years, no matter how many emails or texts or other things she sees with the correct spelling. It's irritating, for sure - but so not worth even mentioning.

But it depends on you being able to roll your eyes and let it go.

As your kid gets older, he or she will either care or not care. If it bothers the kid, they will make it clear, most likely well before they are old enough to feel nervous about correcting an adult. But more likely, the kid will shrug it off as, "Grandma/Bubby/Savta does some strange things, and calls me X. Weird."
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imaima




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 2:12 pm
amother [ Lightgray ] wrote:
They don't call anyone else by their full names. I correct them every time, we call him Avraham. They just don't pay attention or care to call him what he is called. To me it's a disrespect. If it's like a bubby thing. Bubby calls all the grandchildren by their full names ok. But if they (in laws, SILs, Bils) are calling other kids Deen, or Sru, or by single names- why can't they call my child by his actual called name. Sry for hijacking but it upsets me so much.


I don't see the issue with calling a child their proper name. It is indeed an inyan to use the names that were given. For all you know he may prefer it when he grows up.
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amother




Lemon
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 3:42 pm
Are they even capable of saying it? If your parents grew up only speaking English, they may have no choice but to call Chaim "Kaim", etc.
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amother




Chestnut
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 3:51 pm
One of the things I'm learning on imamother is that different things bother different people.

For me, I have no problem calling my in-laws Ta and Ma, and I don't care what people call my kids as long as it's not derogatory.

It's hard for me to understand the big deal about it, but then again I have my own weird hangups.

The general approach to all these things is something like:
1) Assume that the other person is not being malicious (be DLKZ)
2) Accept that you are allowed to have your feelings and preferences
3) On a scale of 1-10 decide if this is the hill you're ready to die on
4) If it's 7+, sit down formally with the offenders and speak respectfully but firmly about your wishes
5) If it's less, then let it go. You can't fight everything.
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chagil




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 6:53 am
What if the name though, like shiRA is going to be pronounced sephardic style by everyone. Accent on the reish and on second syllable. And you don’t like it? Would you then scratch the name?
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