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How do I show my children that I love them?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 3:12 pm
I remember hearing something like “the day should be 90% loving and 10% discipline” but my day is probably the opposite. How do I show love to my kids besides for telling them at night in bed and in the morning when they go on the bus? I know about the love languages, but I still don’t think they “feel” my love. Their love language is probably quality time, which I give them plenty. I usually play a game or two with them every day, plus I read a bedtime story to each one. They would love to have my undivided attention the entire afternoon, but that’s not quite possible. How else do I show them love?
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amother




DarkCyan
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 3:22 pm
It sounds like you are.
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amother




Molasses
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 3:28 pm
You're giving them a lot.
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yOungM0mmy




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 7:29 pm
Tell them. I made you your favourite lunch because I love you. I washed your special sweater because I love you. I'll read you another book because I love you. I want to have a cuddle with you because I love you. Let's have a treat because I love you.
Works from age 2 to 22 (and beyond).
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 8:02 pm
You’re right. I should probably say it more often. I don’t like telling them I love you after they do something right because it sounds like I’m loving them based on their behavior. I never really thought about telling them after I do something for them.
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amother




Aquamarine
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 8:05 pm
I'm not a fan of connecting love to actions. It sends the wrong message in my opinion. They might think that if people don't do those specific things for them then they don't love them, or that love is dependent on actions. Just say you love them, smile at them, be proud of them, compliment them, make them feel happy, safe and secure around you.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 8:15 pm
Spend time reading to them, playing games with them, baking with them.

Pay attention when they tell you about their day or their problems.

Show interest in what they are interested - like baseball cards or collecting napkins.
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amother




Ultramarine
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 8:18 pm
Treat them just because, either with their favorite dinners, late bedtime, etc.
Give them physical affection.
tell them
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amother




Peony
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:22 pm
IMHO, the words "I love you" is not so important. Love is rather an action word and an attitude approach towards my kids. It's about prioritizing patience, kindness, encouragement and wanting for my kids what's best for them. Love is truly caring for my child's best interest no matter what.
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amother




Aquamarine
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:25 pm
amother [ Peony ] wrote:
IMHO, the words "I love you" is not so important. Love is rather an action word and an attitude approach towards my kids. It's about prioritizing patience, kindness, encouragement and wanting for my kids what's best for them. Love is truly caring for my child's best interest no matter what.


It's actually super important to say it. My parents never did and I always wondered if they loved me. And I had this discussion with my children and they said one of the ways they know I love them is because I tell them that all the time.
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amother




Molasses
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:40 pm
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
It's actually super important to say it. My parents never did and I always wondered if they loved me. And I had this discussion with my children and they said one of the ways they know I love them is because I tell them that all the time.


It's important to do what you can. Saying it is great, but showing it is too. We can only do our best.
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zigi




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:59 pm
Tell them random times. You are both in the kitchen a hug or a touch and say I love you. When you shop get them the snacks that they like. Listen to what they tell you etc
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tigerwife




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 10:11 pm
Tell them I love you all the time, not just after an action.

Share their interests. Laugh with them. Talk to them and better yet listen to them. Even when it’s long and windy. Listen and validate.

Give them real compliments- not just fluff. Find something that is truly good about them and tell them you noticed it! “I love how you shared your toy with the baby, that was so special of you!” “I’m so proud of how nicely you did your homework!” “That was so special of you when you helped your friend clean up.” “Thanks for passing me that spoon- you’re the best!”

Do things for them out of the blue. Point out that you made their favorite supper (and not in exchange for something, like you better listen now). Buy them a treat from the grocery or dollar store (you don’t have to spend, it’s the thought that counts.
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behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 10:12 pm
I say it all the time. Probably too much. With too many hugs and kisses cuz how could you not when they are just so yummy 🙂

Really spending time with them is a big thing and especially being excited to see them when they come home. Delighting in them is really important. So really just enjoy them. A neighbor once told me (6 year old) that she can't come to my house now because I didn't see my mommy yet and she misses me and wants to spend time with me when I come home.

I do know ppl who weren't hugged, kissed, told they were loved and it really bothers them.
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