Uninvited guests | Imamother

BrisketBoss

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:07 pm

Set an extra place. If he's ever scheduled to come again, explain my expectations beforehand. Ask him not to bring a guest without discussing it with me first.

Scotty

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:08 pm

Be horrified for a moment
Then remember he’s a clueless bachur and has no idea of etiquette in this situation
Pat myself in the back for being so mature about it :-)
Imagine what Avrohom avinu would do
Smile and sidle into the kitchen to quickly check that there’s enough food, and if not to make some extra dips to stretch the challah (and if not, not. It’s fine. If you show up uninvited I can’t feel guilty if there’s not enough food but I can try to share what I’ve got!)
Then I’ll say welcome to our shabbos table so happy to meet you!!!!

Ps. Hugs tho. This has happened to me MANY times - so many times in fact that I realized it’s a way of life among many bachurim and always plan for two or more guests any time one asks to come! It’s like mice but without the stigma - if you see one there are a bunch behind the wall you’re not noticing but will be introduced to very soon

Last edited by Scotty on Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Valerian

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:08 pm

I always make enough that an extra mouth doesnt make a difference.
If I make chicken I always do a few extra pieces. Either way we;ll eat it for leftover dinner.

Maybe he thought you'd assume he wouldnt come alone.

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:09 pm

I feel like a lot of single guys do this. I would figure out how to split food quickly and I would also let him know that in the future you prefer notice. But likely this person had no where to eat.

Teomima

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:12 pm

As newlyweds we were that home where yeshiva bochers and sem girls were always popping over for Shabbat. Giving them a place to feel welcome and at home went a long way in helping them cope with being so far away from their families. It felt good to help.

Scrounge up whatever extra food you have and put on a smile. If you really do feel put out, tell him (later) that next time have him tell you before if he wants to bring someone else, so you can make sure there's enough food (as a way to put it so as to not hurt his feelings. If then he tells you he wants to bring someone and you don't want to host the extra person, you can just say it's not a good week for you to have extra people over).

amother

Plum

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:15 pm

I wouldn't mind at all as we really enjoy having guests and one more would make no difference But it's important for a bachur to know that he should only do this if he's absolutely sure the family doesn't mind.

lamplighter

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:21 pm

Reaction: feed them with a smile.

Afterwards depends if this upsets you or not. If it does then tell the bochur next time you need advice notice.

amother

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:22 pm

twizzlers1 wrote:

Is there really a choice? I can't imagine telling someone to go find a meal somewhere else.

So I dont think I phrased it well. I meant your inner reaction.

ROFL

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:32 pm

I always have a few extra cans of beans or corn so I
can make a quick bean salad or corn salad. That stretches the food. And like above never make only enough chicken for us. Always have a few extra pieces for a meal during the week or to serve in Shabbat

s c

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:34 pm

If I'm having guests I always make a lot of food so one extra wouldn't worry me at all. But I'm anyway cooking for a family so I'm used to making large amounts. Either way I would never say anything to make an extra guest feel unwelcome. I would just put out an extra place setting.

amother

Cyclamen

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:35 pm

A single extra guest who was polite and well behaved? Wouldn't think twice about it and wouldn't mind at all. We always cook plenty of extra of everything.

amother

Skyblue

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 5:41 pm

I come to expect it
I always set extra place
There’s always enough food

Fish might be a problem.
I would do without and serve my portion

The problem came when an extra 7 came for Pesach Seder
B”H they came with their own matza and wine

Husband said he was coming alone and showed up with his whole family

WhatFor

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 8:41 pm

amother [ Skyblue ] wrote:

The problem came when an extra 7 came for Pesach Seder
B”H they came with their own matza and wine

Husband said he was coming alone and showed up with his whole family

amother

Skyblue

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:07 pm

WhatFor wrote:

Yup
They were having SB problems and the wife decided she will only prep Seder 1 night
So he made arrangements to come to me
B”H they brought all the matza and wine for the Seder
I took out EVERYTHING that was leftover from the night before and the day and of course for that meal
B”H Hashem made a miracle
4 of the kids were under 10 and fell asleep before the actual meal started (I did offer them food during the actual Seder) so really at the end it was an extra 3
Hashem made a miracle TYH- prepped for 10- fed 13

amother

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:11 pm

amother [ Skyblue ] wrote:

Did they apologize or just walked in like it was totally expected???