People who call themselves "gifted" or "empaths" etc

Zehava

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:09 am

I gotta say I did not expect so many hostile responses. I’m quite surprised. Then again I also didn’t know that personality disordered people can and are using this label to hurt others. So I guess if you’ve only come across it in that context it makes sense to have negative associations with it. I’ve honestly never met anyone irl like that, although I unfortunately know too many toxic individuals. Live and learn I guess.

amother

Eggshell

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:16 am

endlesslybaking wrote:

What I've found about proud self-proclaimed empaths, at least those few I've met, is that they tend to attack other people and try to manipulate them by claiming they're hurting them because they're empaths. For example, 20 years ago, I had a roommate in college (and this was a very nice and sheltered BY girl) who claimed she was highly empathetic to the energy of her surroundings. One day, I was reading in my room with the door closed. She came into the apartment. Started screaming. I come out, she yells at me that she's already had a hard day, but the second she walked through the door, she could feel my ambivalent energy, and was very bothered by it.She said I either had to change my energy, or leave. Things like this happened regularly because "she's an empath who can read the energy of those around her".
Then, I have a younger cousin who also claims to be an empath. How does she "know" she's an empath? She will randomly burst out crying in the middle of yontif dinner because one of her in-laws looked at her wrong and now she feels like the whole family hates her.

We all know she doesn't actually feel that. Both of these girls were mentally unstable and wanted attention.

So unless it becomes an official psychological diagnosis, I'd steer clear of anyone calling themselves empaths and trying to make it sound like a good thing. Doesn't sound fun for the breakdownish empath, and definitely is not fun for those around.

She sounds nuts and not like an empath. Real empaths don’t go around proclaiming they are.

amother

Steel

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:38 am

amother [ Eggshell ] wrote:

She sounds nuts and not like an empath. Real empaths don’t go around proclaiming they are.

But who gets to determine who is a "real" empath? There's no formal diagnosis or set of criteria, so anyone can use this label, and some of those people (as mentioned in this thread) are on the spectrum and/or have other conditions.

amother

Eggshell

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:41 am

amother [ Steel ] wrote:

That is true. I always assumed those of who know, know. It didn’t occur to me that people use it and just decide they are. The real ones actually experience life a certain way and it’s rough navigating. I don’t think what people on the spectrum experience is quite the same.

amother

Coral

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:41 am

Zehava wrote:

Interesting you missed the vibe. I realized there would be negative responses right away.

I don’t know if empaths are a real thing or not. In my experience they operate from trauma. This makes them always judge to the negative extreme side. Of course sometimes they will be proven right and will continue feeling like they can feel the vibes etc. but often they are wrong too but won’t acknowledge it.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Dec 20 2021, 2:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Eggshell

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:46 am

SafeAtLast wrote:

That’s only because how you perceive the situation isn’t a thing. It’s about strong feelings and understanding some things. The issue is some often don’t know how to interpret it correctly. But then I had no idea people discuss this. I have never discussed it in real life because what’s the point? To show off? It’s just something you live with not something you go around saying.

amother

Vanilla

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:58 am

amother [ Eggshell ] wrote:

Everyone on the spectrum is unique so it wouldn't make sense to lump us all together like that. Like I said, I very much consider myself an empath. Only recently did I discover that I'm autistic as well. Is everyone on the spectrum an empath, absolutely not. But a surprising number are.

amother

Coral

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:59 am

amother [ Eggshell ] wrote:

Is it a rule across the board? No empaths discuss it ever?

Last edited by amother on Mon, Dec 20 2021, 2:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Vanilla

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:59 am

amother [ Moonstone ] wrote:

As a child of a narcissist some of us learn early on to be highly attuned to the moods and vibes around us in order to survive and can become quite similar to empaths.

I believe Alice Miller talks about this in her book “the drama of the gifted child”

Absolutely, and I'd say similar to the point where you can't really tell the difference between them.

amother

Vanilla

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:02 am

DVOM wrote:

The one adult woman I know who I believe truly is unusually empathetic and sensitive to the feelings and moods of those around her does not call herself an empath. She identifies as autistic. Her social skills are terrible though. She does 'read' the mood and feelings of others uncannily well, but has no clue what to do with that information.

Actually, as I'm writing I'm thinking that she reminds me in this way of my kids. Kids are also so good a picking up the mood and feelings of others, and also lack the filter and social graces to know how to cope with it tactfully. Perhaps empaths are simply immature in this way?

I identify with this so much. But no, it's not a matter of maturity. Our brains are just wired differently. And in a way isn't it sad that most adults have lost that capacity?

amother

Moonstone

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:03 am

amother [ Vanilla ] wrote:

Absolutely, and I'd say similar to the point where you can't really tell the difference between them.

True
(I only added that as a caveat for the people who would say “true empaths are born as such- and is this codependency or empath?”

Whos to say when this is all we’ve known since birth?

amother

Eggshell

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:04 am

amother [ Vanilla ] wrote:

I’m sure there is overlap. But others seem to think that being on the spectrum equals an empath. You can be both, one or none.

amother

Crystal

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:12 am

Can we switch the word empath to the word extra sensitive for a moment? Think of a person who's extra sensitive. They don't go around talking about it. "Oh, I'm a highly sensitive person so I can feel your vibes..." Goodness. Those that do, something is obviously wrong with them. It's a private struggle and no one has to know about it. Even if I notice someone else who has the same struggle I won't go over to them and say, "I see you're extra sensitive--like me!" Ugh.
I always knew I was an extra sensitive person and never even heard of the term empath until I read an article in the Ami about empaths and literally wanted to cry out loud with every sentence I read--"that's me!" I did some more research on empaths and realized that it described me to the T. So, yes, I'm an empath, and no, I don't go around announcing it, and yes, it is a huuuuge struggle, and no, I'm not a narcissist, thank you very much.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:12 am

First time I’ve seen a description that sounds like me - I’m starting to understand myself more now wonder why I’m so against having specific guests for no real reason my dh gets upset and thinks I’m selfish sometimes I also need really strong boundaries always have since I was a toddler. Even have ocd tendencies. Plus I’ve dreamt or felt that someone died a few times and next day found out they actually did die... I’ve always been very disturbed by the Holocaust as a child and felt like I was there with the children in the Holocaust books. I don’t let my dh tell me news of kids dying or being hit by cars cuz I get too shaken up. I also used to notice when one girl in a large group was struggling to fit in I felt bad for her but cldnt get myself to help cuz of issues I have.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:21 am

This is all very interesting to me and eye opening, having never heard of this term.

I am decidedly NOT an empath and I think I'm maybe the extreme opposite. Is there a word or condition for people who are very "take it at face value" type?

For example, my kid or husband might get upset at me for not knowing things on my own, when I feel like I just believed what they said! Why would I think otherwise??

amother

Crystal

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:28 am

amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:

Um... Gullible? LOL

amother

Tiffanyblue

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:47 am

amother [ Crystal ] wrote:

Um... Gullible? LOL

That too. But more- I don't jump to conclusions. I am cautious before making a judgement about people and situations. I am naturally "Dan lkaf zchus" because I believe people when they say something.

I say this in contrast to my husband who has the ability to sense things much faster than me, but he also jumps to wrong conclusions at times. And it's much harder for him to give people the benefit of the doubt when he is so sure he pegged them right. I don't know of he would qualify as am empath, but it sounds similar to what people here are saying.

urban gypsy

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:48 am

SafeAtLast wrote:

I don’t know if empaths are a real thing or not. In my experience they operate from trauma.

I completely agree that empaths often operate from a trauma response related to hypervigilance.

Giftedness is measured by psychometric testing which mostly measures IQ and a few other parameters.

ChassidishMommy

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:57 am

Zehava wrote:

Not only personality disordered people.
Some real empaths can be very kind when they sense someone's vulnerability and pain, whereas when the other person is seen as a threat by them it's very hard not to offend them. They might not say anything but will carry a very deep grudge and be judgemental towards that person for like, forever, attributing it to being an HSP. At the end of the day they use their label to hurt, although indirectly, but it surely is felt.
Of course, this all depends on a person's level of emotional health.

Last edited by ChassidishMommy on Tue, Oct 19 2021, 11:10 am; edited 3 times in total