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Have you had a name you didn’t love but had to give?
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English3




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 7:28 am
SafeAtLast wrote:
Anyone else just didn’t give the name?

I find people care more about the feelings of the dead relative than the feelings of the living child.
If the name is not pretty, I don’t think it’s fair to do that to the child.

In our chassidus the rabbi is very makpid not to give names that the child will be embarrassed.
I have a great aunt that was embarrassed by her name. She was called malky and she was scared children will call her monkey. She begged to have her name switched.
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 7:32 am
I gave 2 names I didnt love. I think the reason I had hard time with them was because they were from DH side and I never even knew the people being named for.

One of the names really grew on me and I now recommend it when people are looking for pretty baby names. The second name still feels weird for me but she's much younger. I might just need more time.
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amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 7:35 am
amother [ Oldlace ] wrote:
Agree with you, that is but if it's a weird name. There are plenty of very well accepted nice names, but it might just not ring with you. It seems like this was the case with OP.

Weird names are so not fair to the child. In fact I know two people who had weird names and asked their children not to give the name after their passing.


My great grandmother hated her name, and said no one needed to name after her. There are now at least 30 little girls named after her, living in varied communities across the world, and it's a pretty unique but beautiful name.
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amother




Cantaloupe
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 7:38 am
amother [ Natural ] wrote:
I gave my child the name Yehudis after a close relative. I don’t really dislike it, but it’s ‘blah’ to me. It’s still growing on me over a year later. How much time did it take previous posters (or future?) for the name to grow on them?

Same!! It’s a middle name, not on her birth certificate and she doesn’t really use it. We didn’t HAVE to use the name (I don’t understand what that means really, but that’s a different story) but once we were using the first name we chose, we decided to use the second name as well because both names were the name of one of our grandmothers. She’s 12 now, and I’ve been ok with it (it didn’t take 12 years, don’t worry!!) since she was about 1, mostly because we don’t use it regularly.
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amother




Lavender
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 7:49 am
SafeAtLast wrote:
Anyone else just didn’t give the name?

I find people care more about the feelings of the dead relative than the feelings of the living child.
If the name is not pretty, I don’t think it’s fair to do that to the child.

Once we gave a name that I don't like but we added a name in the front that I chose and we call him by the chosen name. Dh really wanted to give it which is why I did, wouldn't have done it for others.
The next time, my mother wanted us to give her mother's name which I don't like at all and is considered a nerdy name in our circles. She also made sure to tell us not to add a name to it.
So we just skipped and named for someone on dh's side.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 7:52 am
SafeAtLast wrote:
Anyone else just didn’t give the name?

I find people care more about the feelings of the dead relative than the feelings of the living child.
If the name is not pretty, I don’t think it’s fair to do that to the child.

Apparently it’s not the dead relatives they care more about, it’s the living parents, grandparents, etc. who are either (somehow) putting on the pressure or letting it be known that this is how it’s done, and any alternative isn’t acceptable. BH I don’t know from such things, my parents and in laws are not involved in my child namings. That is solely my husband and myself.
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amother




Salmon
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 8:19 am
I did. Added a second name but the name grew on me (after some time, years not months) to the point of really liking it and slightly regretting not naming exact because dgf was an amazing person.
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amother




Amber
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 8:28 am
We had to make after a grandparent. Very odd name so we adedd a name similar to one of the names and can the child by the added name.
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amother




DarkOrange
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 3:07 pm
We named my oldest after my husband's grandfather. My son was the first grandchild after the grandfather's petira. I didn't love the name. It's a yiddish name and not common outside chasidish groups. I agreed to the name on condition we call him by a nickname. I love the nickname. It's not babyish and he's in Beis Medresh and still goes by his nickname. Very few people call him his real name.
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amother




Daisy
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 3:19 pm
I "have" to name a name that I really dislike, not uncommon or weird just very blah and dry to me. at first I was dead set against it thinking that I birth the child I decide but I will give it as a way of shalom for my family members that will be very hurt and upset if I don't and I hope it's a zchus for me for something that I pray for a lot.

It will probably never grow on me but it won't raise eyebrows so I've made peace with it.
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amother




Ebony
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 3:59 pm
I have given names I don’t love after people whom I loved and that makes it worth it to me.
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amother




NeonOrange
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 4:02 pm
SafeAtLast wrote:
Anyone else just didn’t give the name?

I find people care more about the feelings of the dead relative than the feelings of the living child.
If the name is not pretty, I don’t think it’s fair to do that to the child.


Yup I didn’t name after any relatives.
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amother




NeonOrange
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 4:04 pm
English3 wrote:
In our chassidus the rabbi is very makpid not to give names that the child will be embarrassed.
I have a great aunt that was embarrassed by her name. She was called malky and she was scared children will call her monkey. She begged to have her name switched.


What type of community was she living in? I’ve lived in many places and malky is popular everywhere.
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amother




Tiffanyblue
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 4:08 pm
We named a child after a grandparent who my husband and I loved dearly. We didn't like the name so we gave an English name and call our child by that name.
My husband has never used the hebrew name.. I use it sometimes so me child (5yo) is familiar with it.
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grace413




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 4:21 pm
endlesslybaking wrote:
That the kids like their names, and usually they do. They have a different perspective on it than us.


I hate my name but I use it.
My sister doesn't even use her name.
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zebra111




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 4:32 pm
I wasnt pressured into giving my grandfathers name, and since I dont really like the name I havent (yet) used it. My reproductive system seems to be slowing down and I am now very sorry I didnt use the name earlier, I am worried I wont get another chance Sad dh knows if beH we are ever blessed with another boy he will definately have this name even though neither of us particulary care for it (its a totally normal name).

I feel sad that there is not one single descendant named after such a special man, and I think it would be a huge kibbud av for my now older father.
Because we were never pressured to use it I fooled myself into thinking its not important to my father or to me. As I get older I can see the great merits of doing this, and pG hope to be able to one day soon!
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amother




Cantaloupe
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 5:02 pm
SafeAtLast wrote:
Anyone else just didn’t give the name?

I find people care more about the feelings of the dead relative than the feelings of the living child.
If the name is not pretty, I don’t think it’s fair to do that to the child.

We don’t the the “you HAVE to name after a relative thing” partly because we have a list of names we won’t use. We made one exception when naming one of our daughters. (The one I mentioned before)
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amother




Purple
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 5:07 pm
amother [ Crimson ] wrote:
You never have to give any name. Feeling pressured to name YOUR child something you don't connect with because of someone else's ego is sad.


Agree. I hope people realize that you never HAVE to name after someone… Your the mother, your choice!
What societal pressures can do is scary
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amother




Cantaloupe
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 6:08 pm
grace413 wrote:
I hate my name but I use it.
My sister doesn't even use her name.

I never use my middle name. I don’t think my kids even know what it is. When we got married, I asked the rabbi if we had to put it on, because I never ever use it.
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amother




Cappuccino
 

Post Tue, Oct 19 2021, 8:29 pm
zebra111 wrote:
I wasnt pressured into giving my grandfathers name, and since I dont really like the name I havent (yet) used it. My reproductive system seems to be slowing down and I am now very sorry I didnt use the name earlier, I am worried I wont get another chance Sad dh knows if beH we are ever blessed with another boy he will definately have this name even though neither of us particulary care for it (its a totally normal name).

I feel sad that there is not one single descendant named after such a special man, and I think it would be a huge kibbud av for my now older father.
Because we were never pressured to use it I fooled myself into thinking its not important to my father or to me. As I get older I can see the great merits of doing this, and pG hope to be able to one day soon!

Could have written this post. Similar.
Sadly I never had more kids..
beH you should have the opportunity to use the name.
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