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Should I tell the school?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 12:57 pm
Decided to edit for oversharing.

I'm a single mom and likely getting engaged soon. I already talked to my kids about it so they can be prepared gradually. Some took it well and others really didn't.

Trying to figure out when and how much to share with their school. It's very personal and delicate but the kids are already affected and the school takes their role very seriously as partners in the kids lives. It's a little complicated because the principal seems to take it personally if you don't share proactively enough. Last time something was going on in our lives it got really awkward.

As far as I know the kids are doing OK in school and socially but you never know what could come out. So far all I shared was the kid who cried the most at home, I told the teacher she's going through "stuff" so she could please keep an eye on her.

Not sure what and when is necessary to tell the principal. I do trust that they would keep it confidential but it still feels awkward.
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 1:04 pm
I think it's enough that you told the teacher that she's going through something or there's something going on at home. I don't think you need to share more at this point. Just make it clear that you're dealing with the situation.
It should be with mazal.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 2:14 pm
Give the School a vauge heads-up that things are a bit out of the ordinary at home and kid needs extra love. They may connect the dots, may not.
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dankbar




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 2:21 pm
You could share with school that you are dating & might get married at one point, if your kids are getting counseling thru school, they might want to explore these options with the kids.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 3:25 pm
Thanks.

I guess part of what makes this awkward is that I had just requested counseling through the school, without telling them what's going on, because for that child I felt it was needed before anyway. Now they're going to assume it was about this all along and I was not up front about it. But I guess too bad, I can't help what they think. Kids have issues with and without family changes.

The next question is when DO I tell them. I think it would be disrespectful to wait until it's word on the street and they don't get to prepare themselves for how to respond (I think I would feel caught off guard if I'm a teacher and a kid comes in and says guess what, my mother is getting married. Or better yet if a kid comes in and says to another kid hey I heard your mother is getting married, and the other kid gets uncomfortable.) But I also don't really know if I'll know in advance when he's going to propose... I'll have a vague idea but not really really.

Why is this so uncomfortable?!!
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ra_mom




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:59 pm
The most you should say now is that you're dating, and it's an adjustment for the whole family. You don't have to say that you're dating seriously, or that it's about any one date specifically.

As soon as you're proposed to, send an email to the principal and let her know you just got engaged. She'll be very happy for you.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 6:16 pm
Thanks for the strategy idea. Bit weird to have step 2 follow so shortly after step 1 (the kids have known about my dating attempts for years lol) but I can try not to care.

With regard to email the are either too frum or too old fashioned for that. Phone or meetings all the way. As you can tell by where I'm asking my advice, I'm exactly the opposite and I hate awkward phone calls.
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amother




Magenta
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 7:04 pm
I think you did the right thing by giving the teacher enough information to keep an eye on your child but without violating your privacy.

My kids' school instituted a new policy this year that if something is going on in a child's life at home or otherwise and they need some extra TLC that the parent can text or send in a note to the teacher saying "Handle with care" without needing to relay any details. That way the child gets helped but the family can keep any information private. I thought that was very smart.

OP, I hope it all works out for you and your family!
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Oct 21 2021, 12:32 am
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
I think you did the right thing by giving the teacher enough information to keep an eye on your child but without violating your privacy.

My kids' school instituted a new policy this year that if something is going on in a child's life at home or otherwise and they need some extra TLC that the parent can text or send in a note to the teacher saying "Handle with care" without needing to relay any details. That way the child gets helped but the family can keep any information private. I thought that was very smart.

OP, I hope it all works out for you and your family!

I like that!
Most of the schools I've sent to - the teachers can handle things like this without the involvement of the principal. I don't know if your school is different, OP.
But as long as the teacher knows that things are changing in the home, I think it's fine.
If he/she wants to discuss with rhe principal I'd hope they would notify you.

B'hatzlacha!
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