Wwyd? Work situation...

amother

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:00 pm

I don't know if this is the right forum because I'm not the working woman in this situation, but I'm curious about what she did...

After mich difficulty I found my son a specialized shadow to sit with him in class. The shadow is male, my son is in a lower elementary grade (below sixth grade). The female english teacher says that she absolutely will not have him in the room. She doesn't feel comfortable with working closely with him. The school seems to be backing her. If it makes a difference, she's maybe in her late 20s, early 30s with a bunch of kids.

I really don't want to state an opinion, I'm too involved and too emotional about the whole thing. I'm going to try not to even answer any posts specifically, other than a "thank you" or "I hear"...but I really do want to hear what you ladies think...of you're a classroom teacher, or if you've chosen a field where you'll primary be working with women only--what do you think about this? And if you've had a similar experience, what did you do?

amother

Ivory

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:03 pm

amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:

I’m a teacher and I would not be happy with a guy in my classroom it’s really awkward…I’m sure u could find a female shadow! I know it’s difficult to find a good shadow so Good luck!!!

But the morning Rebbi probably won't be ok with a female shadow in the class.

nechamashifra

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't get it. I can understand having an adult in the room while you're teaching might be a little uncomfortable...but what difference does it make to her whether it's a male or female?

Last edited by nechamashifra on Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:05 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Red

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:05 pm

in my boys school they've had female teachers...(lower elementary) but I can imagine they would not be happy to be teaching (similar to public speaking/acting/storytelling) in front of a male..
I understand her...
it doesn't make the situation easier for you..

amother

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:06 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

I think that if she's a teacher in a boys school, she can't demand that the shadow can't be male. If she's in a boys school, she's automatically not working in a women's environment.

To be fair, it's lower elementary. Little boys, not men. And the guy is friendly...maybe to a fault. I know he introduced himself with his first name only to my son and the teacher.

amother

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:07 pm

nechamashifra wrote:

I don't get it. I can understand having an adult in the room while you're teaching might be a little uncomfortable...but what difference does it make to her whether it's a male or female?

This teacher always has other people in the room, and she's very experienced. We actually pushed to have my son in her class because she works very well with shadows, p3, and therapists in her room. I don't know if this is the first time this issue has come up with her.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

To be fair, it's lower elementary. Little boys, not men. And the guy is friendly...maybe to a fault. I know he introduced himself with his first name only to my son and the teacher.

By men I mean that in a boys school, much of the staff is men.
If he's too friendly, that's another story. Does he have a Rebbi in the morning? If so, how would he feel having a female shadow in the class?

amother

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:10 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

A female shadow during rebbe time is against school rules. The afternoon staff is all female (until older grades), and that's when all the (female) speech therapist and such come.

octopus

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:11 pm

So he has to be in the hallway and come in as necessary to help his student. I can't comment on whether it's wrong or right. Any service provider is a guest in the teacher's class. The teacher has the power to allow them in or not.

amother

Cinnamon

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:13 pm

I think it’s a boys school and it’s not a fair request on her part. If you had options she can state a preference but this is who you found. Most of the head staff are usually men in boys schools so it’s not like she doesn’t interact with a bunch of men all day. I think she’s wrong personally.

icedcoffee

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:13 pm

Clearly I don't work in this world because I teach at a public school, but her behavior sounds completely unreasonable to me. I've had male co-teachers, observations by my male principal, and worked on projects with male coworkers. It's part of being in the workforce, unless maybe your job is mikvah attendant. As a teacher who surely wants what's best for her students, she should understand that the benefits for your son would outweigh any "discomfort" she feels. I've never had the option to vet anyone in the parade of adults who come into my classroom for students with disabilities, language learning, special education services, or accessibility needs.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

A female shadow during rebbe time is against school rules. The afternoon staff is all female (until older grades), and that's when all the (female) speech therapist and such come.

So you're in a tough spot here. I guess the only solution is to keep the current shadow for the morning and find a female for the afternoon. Or have the teacher set clear boundaries with the shadow. Maybe you can also discuss it with the shadow.

amother

Cinnamon

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

To be fair, it's lower elementary. Little boys, not men. And the guy is friendly...maybe to a fault. I know he introduced himself with his first name only to my son and the teacher.

She needs to set boundaries. She can say I will be calling you mr. Xyz and I would like our interactions to go in this manner and so on.

amother

Outerspace

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:18 pm

I don't think it's her call. The priority is your son, they are there to teach kids not to cater to whims of teachers.
Schools nowadays lost their purpose they forget they are there for the children and not for the staff.
If the shadow is working well, I would insist in keeping him.

amother

Thu, Oct 21 2021, 7:20 pm

icedcoffee wrote:

Devil's advocate would say that she didn't choose to work in a public school for your no doubt higher pay and better benefits. She chose this environment, works very well with other people in her classroom, but is a kollel type family and will not do this. She's not required to spend a year lowering her standards because of my son, that's my problem.

The school is backing her. She says she won't do it, and she seems to really mean it. I doubt it got as dramatic as her threatening to quit, but I wouldn't be surprised if she actually would over this.