Ds struggling | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

Ds struggling

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amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 5:49 am

My ds is is pre 1a and his morah wants to get him tested. He is very smart but has trouble sitting still in class. The morah is hinting she thinks maybe it’s ADD. I don’t know why I’m having the hardest time with it. I don’t expect my kids to be perfect but I’m struggling with the concept of one of my kids having a diagnosis and issue the town will talk about. Please be kind I’m struggling right now.

amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 8:28 am

Anyone relate?

amother

Oxfordblue

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 8:35 am

I don't know where you live, but in Brooklyn (where I live), it's really not a big deal. so I'm not sure what the stigma is all about.

First of all, your son's diagnosis is nobody's business. Second , you don't know what his issue is until you have him evaluated.

It doesn't have to be add, it could be a vision issue, which makes him bored when he can't see well. It could be more anxiety related and so he's getting antsy.

My suggestion to you would be to get him evaluated, and take it from there. Whatever his issue is, the earlier you start dealing w it, the easier it will be on everyone.

amother

Tomato

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 8:37 am

ADHD is not such a big deal stigma-wise in my experience, so many kids struggle with it. It's sort of like being lactose intolerant. Annoying and sometimes detrimental, but common enough that nobody normal blinks at it anymore. It can be extremely serious and debilitating for some people, but most learn how to get by OK. DH and I both have it and we are both reasonably successful professionals and overall functional humans.

One of my DDs has it, but she's also very bright and does extremely well in school and on standardized tests, even though she is not taking medicine for it.

amother

Stonewash

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 8:41 am

My brother has ADHD. He's a very successful businessman, a great (and fun!) father, and far more socially successful than I am.

My mother, who was a wonderful mother (to me and my other sibs), thought that he was just lazy and wild. He was not diagnosed as a kid, has never taken meds.

Please get him a diagnosis and help him. My brother's son now has ADHD also, and he's getting him help to figure out how to make his diagnosis work for him. I also have a son with ADHD -- he's very bright, has friends, and most of his teachers have no idea until I tell them (the few times a year that he misses his meds, they KNOW).

I get that it's hard. It was hard for me, but now I can see it's just one part of him -- as long as he knows how to work with it. And you can give him the tools to do so.

(Also, it's possible it's not ADHD at all. A lot of other things masquerade as ADHD.)

imasinger

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 8:42 am

If your child needed glasses, would you hold off on getting them vision tested because people might look on them differently because they had glasses?

If your child broke a bone, would you hold off on getting it X-rayed because people would talk about him in a cast?

Getting a child evaluated is the loving and responsible thing to do if there are concerns. If you aren't sure the evaluation was on target, you can go for a second opinion.

If it does seem on target, then getting your child the help and support they need is very important. More important than how it might affect social standing.

amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 8:44 am

imasinger wrote:

I am planning on doing the evaluation, it’s already scheduled. I don’t know why I’m just feeling a little sad about it.

imasinger

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 8:45 am

Ah, okay.

Yes, those feelings are natural. Have you come across the piece "Welcome to Holland"?

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