Teenaged daughter felt uncomfortable when male doctor

amother

Turquoise

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:13 pm

I found most are sensitive and will lift it slightly enough to stick it under and they usually don’t look at the exposed part. If she’s uncomfortable it might be better to find her a female doctor or a male that is more sensitive.

amother

Anemone

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:19 pm

Did he lift it in front or back?

Honestly, at this age, I change them to a female ped. Sometimes we get a male for sick visits, but we like a female primary. It's useful for many things, including this.

amother

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:25 pm

amother [ Anemone ] wrote:

Front
I agree about switching to female now...

SYA

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:26 pm

If not wearing a heavy shirt the doctor can try to listen through the shirt. He can also just put the stethoscope under the shirt and let the shirt hang over it. There really is no reason to have to lift it all the way to her shoulders.

SYA

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:30 pm

Before a doctor checks a child for any part that is normally covered (whether male or female) they must always notify the child before. For an older child they must first make sure the child agrees.

When teaching children about body safety we always say that when medically necessary a doctor can check provided they ask you first and a parent is in the room at the time as well.

amother

Sienna

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:34 pm

SYA wrote:

The doctors I have been to do this even for young children. They also ask the patient first if they can listen or take a look, and also ask the patient to lift up their own shirt. So eg with my kids, each will lift up as far as they are comfortable even if it's only half an inch

amother

Hunter

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:38 pm

I don't know why he had to lift her whole shirt.

Will say, when I was a teenager I asked to switch to a female pediatrician. That lady seriously traumatized me with her very super thorough breast exam, I think she even had me put on a paper gown iirc. She was a frum mother in the community, and even after 20+ years, I can't make sense of it. Every once in a while I google her name to see if there are any zexual abuse complaints associated with her but so far there aren't. But I don't think she was doing a breast cancer screening at age 15.

After that I went back to my original male pediatrician who was always careful not to be intrusive.

amother

Aubergine

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:41 pm

He should definitely inform or ask her that he will be listening to her heart under her shirt. And he should try to do it as tzniusdikly as possible, not to pull her shirt up of he can lift a little and slide the stethoscope underneath.

amother

Daffodil

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:54 pm

They should always ask and most do not lift it up fully just enough to stick their hand underneath.

On the other hand as a kid I went to a pediatric team with several doctors and I had a female for a well visit at age 12 and I was so humiliated when she had me lay on my back, bring my knees up toward my chest after which she pulled down my underwear and then spread my legs way open and had a look . I didn’t realize that I could say no. In later years I just had my mom request the male doctors and they never did they exam. Is this standard part of well visits?

BrisketBoss

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:11 pm

amother [ Daffodil ] wrote:

My ped didn't make me get in any weird position. First she warned me, then she pulled the top of my underwear forward and took a brief look.

I still don't know what information they glean from that. I guess just "Is anything obviously abnormal."

amother

Charcoal

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:17 pm

I switched my daughters to a female pediatrician who proceeded to traumatize them both with a super thorough look between their legs.
I then switched back to my regular male ped who is so caring and sensitive and asks permission before doing anything remotely intrusive.
Personality matters more than gender. And I’m the type to only see a female OB.

amother

Thistle

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:20 pm

I think some female pediatricians take advantage (though I don't know what they gain from intrusive examinations) of the girls because they are female and figure everyone will be fine with it.
Maybe let whichever doctor you are using before hand that your daughter is very private.

amother

Feverfew

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:25 pm

You can also step in and pre-empt the dr. I did this at dd 13's checkup, asking the dr what she was going to do and where/how thoroughly she was going to look/touch when she told dd to lie down.

amother

Dahlia

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:38 pm

amother [ Daffodil ] wrote:

My doctor always checks between dds legs briefly it seems to be a standard part of the examination.

amother

Turquoise

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:41 pm

I had the same with female doctors being rough, cold and insensitive. I personally prefer males for that reason. I find male doctors that are sensitive and have an excellent beside manner.

And I do not think it's standard for a doctor to check private parts past diaper wearing age. I never had that and neither do my children. Unless we were there for an issue pertaining to it.