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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
I cannot handle my daughter. I'm done.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:29 pm
how does she relate to her father?
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:30 pm
amother [ Cyan ] wrote:
Just to add a bit- I have since been diagnosed with PMDD- a mood disorder tied to PMS. So half the month I would be in pain and have out of control mood swings. It’s was a huge relief to know what’s up and together with my doc and therapist I have it mostly managed.

Can I suggest looking into DBT for your daughter? I know in monsey they had a teen program this summer. Not sure if ppl know of other ones. Even getting the teen workbook for you to look at…

Would love to hear more about the teen program. My DD is 14 and has many of the same challenges. Started out in regular yeshiva… now is in a therapeutic school. Really hope you don’t have to go down that road! Hatzlacha!
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amother
Dustypink


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:31 pm
Brain inflammation isn't the answer to everything.
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amother
Lightgreen


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:39 pm
amother [ Hosta ] wrote:
Since you say it isn't working I encourage you to entertain the concept of physical causing these issues and ask that poster for more info


OP says she is a great kid in other environments and this is only at home. Physical issues don't only affect one environment.


Last edited by amother on Mon, Dec 20 2021, 2:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Stonewash


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:39 pm
SafeAtLast wrote:
OP says she is a great kid in other environments and this is only at home. Physical issues don't only affect one environment.
But they do.
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amother
Cappuccino


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:41 pm
amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:
Brain inflammation isn't the answer to everything.

But it's an answer to a lot of issues. Just been to the doctor and she said that treating kids with psych meds when it's a brain inflammation does not work to bring the symptoms down. The root cause needs to be found and proper meds be given.
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amother
Lightgreen


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:41 pm
amother [ Stonewash ] wrote:
But they do.


Really? The physical ailment says-
School.
Behave properly.
Home.
Behave like a monster.
Friend.
Behave normally.
Mom.
Behave aggressively.


Last edited by amother on Mon, Dec 20 2021, 2:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Stonewash


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:42 pm
amother [ Cappuccino ] wrote:
But it's an answer to a lot of issues. Just been to the doctor and she said that treating kids with psych meds when it's a brain inflammation does not work to bring the symptoms down. The root cause needs to be found and proper meds be given.
This. And OP has already tried therapy and psych meds. Precision medicine is what’s needed.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:42 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My daughter is preteen and she is impossible.
She throws tantrums and is nasty to everyone around her. She is sweet and kind in other environments but at home she is cruel and out of control.
I am done.
I have tried everything. She is in therapy. I am in therapy with her. She does great in therapy but none of it translates. She is horrible to her siblings and will even hit the baby when she is upset (of course I protect the baby). Shes been on medication. It hardly helps. She has creative outlets and lots of friends. I don't get it.
She used to be a regular kid with intense emotions. Now (over the past few years) she is either in tantrum meltdown mode or spewing nasty comments. There is no other state.
She drains us all and has ruined the atmosphere in our home. It's unfair to her siblings to say the least.
She has a gazillion special privileges, she has special one on one time, I have tried empathy and consistent expectations with rewards and consequences. I am emotionally done. I am on empty. This is killing my sholom bayis. I have no idea how to parent her. And my husband is even worse.

If you can't tell I'm at the end of my rope. If you have nothing nice or supportive or helpful to say keep quiet.


Omg. And here I thought nobody else is dealing with this. My daughter is 13. This post word for word. Im at the first ed of my rope too.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:42 pm
What doctors deal with brain inflammation? How is it tested? How is it treated?
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amother
Carnation


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:43 pm
Has she been on mood stabilizers?
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amother
Stonewash


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:44 pm
SafeAtLast wrote:
Really? The physical ailment says-
School.
Behave properly.
Home.
Behave like a monster.
Friend.
Behave normally.
Mom.
Behave aggressively.

Yes. These kids hold it together in public and lose it at home where they feel safer. I see this happening time and time again. It happened with my own kid.
I’m in a FB groups for moms of kids with neuroinflammatory disorders. It has 19k members. This exact question comes up at least once a day. Can it still be brain inflammation if my kid is an angel at school, with friends, with grandparents. And hundreds of parents attest that it’s exactly so for their kid too.
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amother
Stonewash


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
What doctors deal with brain inflammation? How is it tested? How is it treated?
A functional md or a dr that specializes in neuroinflammatory disorders. Sometimes pediatricians can be helpful because chronic infections are probably the most common cause of neuroinflammation and some pedis are familiar with testing an treating for this. If you share your location we may be able to make a recommendation.
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amother
Azalea


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:47 pm
amother [ Stonewash ] wrote:
Yes. These kids hold it together in public and lose it at home where they feel safer. I see this happening time and time again. It happened with my own kid.
I’m in a FB groups for moms of kids with neuroinflammatory disorders. It has 19k members. This eco act question comes up at least once a day. Can it still be brain inflammation if my kid is an angel at school, with friends, with grandparents. And hundreds of parents attest that it’s exactly so for their kid too.


That doesn’t make sense.
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amother
Cappuccino


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:47 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
What doctors deal with brain inflammation? How is it tested? How is it treated?

Blood tests for different infections and inflammation markers is a start. Not all pediatricians believe in it. So it can be an uphill battle to fight for your kid.
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amother
Stonewash


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:48 pm
amother [ Azalea ] wrote:
That doesn’t make sense.
I know but the truth is often counterintuitive.
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amother
Dustypink


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:56 pm
I feel bad for desperate mothers who come on here for helpful advice and get hogwash thrown in their faces. Op do your research not everyone believes in brain inflammation. I hope you find help and answers soon.
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amother
Stonewash


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 10:04 pm
amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:
I feel bad for desperate mothers who come on here for helpful advice and get hogwash thrown in their faces. Op do your research not everyone believes in brain inflammation. I hope you find help and answers soon.
Im all for OP doing her research, there is too much evidence out there to ignore. I feel bad for desperate mothers who never find out about brain inflammation or other root causes for behavioral issues.
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amother
Dahlia


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 10:21 pm
I would have also promised it doesn't make sense that it can be brain inflamation if she's acting normal elsewhere, but as a parent of a PANDAS child, it can vouch for the fact that it actually does make sense. My son acted totally fine in other houses, and only acted up in school in some extreme cases. At home he was a monster all the time. My family thought there was something wrong with ME when I spoke about it, since he looked just fine when they saw him.
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amother
Cappuccino


 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 10:22 pm
amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:
I feel bad for desperate mothers who come on here for helpful advice and get hogwash thrown in their faces. Op do your research not everyone believes in brain inflammation. I hope you find help and answers soon.

I always ask why is it okay when the elderly get a UTI confusion is one of the known side effects, but when kids get sick and their behavior goes downhill why is that a psychiatric issue if the underlying issue could be strep, mycoplasma, Lyme or other Co-infections.
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