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I cannot handle my daughter. I'm done.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 1:20 pm
I really feel that we underestimate how our neurotypical children are effected by their siblings who have different challenges. I am guilty of this myself. I’m not being judgemental chas v Shalom. Im learning as I go. I have successes and failures. Your free to PM me if you want.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 1:36 pm
amother [ Brass ] wrote:
Please stop drugging your little girl. All these medications are big pharma propaganda. Physicians are paid to prescribe and don’t even know what they’re doing because the whole system is bought and paid for. Do you really think so many children have serious psychiatric disorders? All of a sudden?
Look at her diet. Try keto


Yes I think some children need meds. Typical children don't terrorize parents or teachers or friends. Maybe 1% of children do, and they need meds.
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faigie




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 1:44 pm
[quote="amother [ OP ]"]My daughter is preteen and she is impossible.
She throws tantrums and is nasty to everyone around her. She is sweet and kind in other environments but at home she is cruel and out of control.

If she is sweet and kind in other environments, what is she getting there that is her incentive to behave?
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 2:00 pm
[quote="faigie"]
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My daughter is preteen and she is impossible.
She throws tantrums and is nasty to everyone around her. She is sweet and kind in other environments but at home she is cruel and out of control.

If she is sweet and kind in other environments, what is she getting there that is her incentive to behave?


She told the therapist that she can control herself in small doses and she is afraid of being embarrassed. When she is home she is in her safe space. I did notice that if she is somewhere for a while or very comfortable there (my mother's house) she will have meltdowns there too.
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amother




Tiffanyblue
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 2:23 pm
kudos to you for doing everything in your power 24/7.

reading your post id say stop for a while looking for solutions /fixes (because you do so much already and every disappointment hurts more till one looses hope ch`v`ch) and foccus on nurtering yourself. if you can afford it pamper yourself with massages, a night out with dh, movienight with the younger kids... fill up your empty.

if mommy aint happy...

if her behaviour makes your family miserable, dont rely now on her behaviour , fix your emotional needs deifferently.

its not that you ignor the problem, just put your focus on sth positive for now.

I know thisis easy said. like telling a depressed person to smile and the world will smile at you.
of course the problem reamins and it is deep. but constantly fighti is very unhealthy and maybe causing just as much damage as dd causes by her behaviour.

fake it till you make it. I daven for you- ma H´ pay you back every moment you inbvested in your relationship to your dd, may He send you a solution quickly and may you live peacefully, (sorry for my english)
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 3:52 pm
amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:
kudos to you for doing everything in your power 24/7.

reading your post id say stop for a while looking for solutions /fixes (because you do so much already and every disappointment hurts more till one looses hope ch`v`ch) and foccus on nurtering yourself. if you can afford it pamper yourself with massages, a night out with dh, movienight with the younger kids... fill up your empty.

if mommy aint happy...

if her behaviour makes your family miserable, dont rely now on her behaviour , fix your emotional needs deifferently.

its not that you ignor the problem, just put your focus on sth positive for now.

I know thisis easy said. like telling a depressed person to smile and the world will smile at you.
of course the problem reamins and it is deep. but constantly fighti is very unhealthy and maybe causing just as much damage as dd causes by her behaviour.

fake it till you make it. I daven for you- ma H´ pay you back every moment you inbvested in your relationship to your dd, may He send you a solution quickly and may you live peacefully, (sorry for my english)


Crying from this response. Thank you so much for this chizzuk.
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amother




DarkMagenta
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 9:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
She told the therapist that she can control herself in small doses and she is afraid of being embarrassed. When she is home she is in her safe space. I did notice that if she is somewhere for a while or very comfortable there (my mother's house) she will have meltdowns there too.


My dd is like that too. She has anxiety which does keep her from acting out in front of non-family, but there's only so long she can keep it together.
OP mentioned her dd also has anxiety so it makes sense.
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amother




DarkMagenta
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 9:59 pm
I don't know if you saw my response on page 1, but your dd sounds very very much like my dd was.
She is doing a lot better since she started guanfacine in addition to the anxiety med.
Meds aren't always the answer, but in some situations they are really a yeshua.
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amother




Azalea
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 10:11 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I've read these books and tried them. My husband doesn't want me reading any more books, he said it's just making me feel like I'm failing again and in new ways.


What does he want to try?
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amother




Canary
 

Post Sun, Oct 24 2021, 11:14 pm
One thing I found helpful when dealing with my daughter was talking to a therapist about it. She helped me let go of a lot of guilt I didn't realize I was carrying about and showed me that I could change my perspective. Not every interaction had to be so intense and laden with meaning and have all sorts of implication for the future. And she validated that it wasn't mean or something to work proactively to separate this child from siblings when necessary. We went through a bunch of practical ways to handle specific behaviors during the day and it was extremely useful for me and my husband. Didn't solve the problems exactly but made the day to day more manageable and helped me see how to take care of myself and not feel bad all the time.
Btw this was all in 1 hour long session. Not an ongoing commitment of time and money. If you're interested, I can send you the name of the (frum, female) therapist I spoke with. She does in person meetings but also zoom for people outside of her city.
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amother




Natural
 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 2:22 am
amother [ Cyan ] wrote:
Just to add a bit- I have since been diagnosed with PMDD- a mood disorder tied to PMS. So half the month I would be in pain and have out of control mood swings. It’s was a huge relief to know what’s up and together with my doc and therapist I have it mostly managed.

Can I suggest looking into DBT for your daughter? I know in monsey they had a teen program this summer. Not sure if ppl know of other ones. Even getting the teen workbook for you to look at…


Cyan, would you possibly know how I could get a copy of the DBT teen workbook?
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amother




Cyan
 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 3:44 pm
amother [ Natural ] wrote:
Cyan, would you possibly know how I could get a copy of the DBT teen workbook?


Amazon has a few

The DBT Skills Workbook for Teens: A Fun Guide to Manage Anxiety and Stress, Understand Your Emotions and Learn Effective Communication Skills https://www.amazon.com/gp/prod.....f41ea
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amother




Sand
 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 4:20 pm
I really do not want to say this... But this sounds a bit like acting out of some traumatic past. I feel and I hope to G-d I'm wrong that she might have had been assaulted. Most kids who have been traumatized are acting out intensely towards their parents or in places to feel safe.
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amother




SandyBrown
 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 4:31 pm
amother [ Carnation ] wrote:
Yes I think some children need meds. Typical children don't terrorize parents or teachers or friends. Maybe 1% of children do, and they need meds.

No person should ever be drugged against his or her will for the benefit of others. It is a violation of basic bodily autonomy. Adults should be able to handle children. If the child is hurting other children, they should be separated.
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amother




Lightgray
 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 5:02 pm
amother [ Sand ] wrote:
I really do not want to say this... But this sounds a bit like acting out of some traumatic past. I feel and I hope to G-d I'm wrong that she might have had been assaulted. Most kids who have been traumatized are acting out intensely towards their parents or in places to feel safe.

This
(From experience)
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amother




Hawthorn
 

Post Sat, Oct 30 2021, 11:41 pm
Op just thinking of you because I just had a very hard night with my daughter who sounds similar to yours . I wish we can figure out how to help them ..it’s so hard on the whole family.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Sat, Oct 30 2021, 11:49 pm
amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:
No person should ever be drugged against his or her will for the benefit of others. It is a violation of basic bodily autonomy. Adults should be able to handle children. If the child is hurting other children, they should be separated.


So a diabetic child should not be given insulin? This is no different. The child doesn't want to behave this way.
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