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PSA: Dont ever miss a childs performance for anything!
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:14 pm
Did you ever miss a childs performance? And if so what was your reason?

My DH is still traumatized many years later his parents (and grandparents) missed his Chumash seudah because of a wedding overseas. He doesnt remember if she spoke to him about it before or if she spoke to him after about it. All he remembers is that she missed it and how bad he felt scanning the crowd whos there that he knows and only finding 2 young single brothers.
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amother




Papayawhip
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:32 pm
Yes I've missed things because of being a kimpeturin. It's not a big deal IMO. People are different.
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:32 pm
Thats terrible of his parents
Usualy the rebba sends home a save the date a month in advance.
And they try to accommodate all parents..
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amother




Aquamarine
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:34 pm
My parents couldn't ever come because they were working hard manual jobs to make ends meet. It was hard but no lasting trauma.
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amother




Buttercup
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:35 pm
I don’t think the lesson here is that you can never miss anything. Sometimes things happen. BUT the child must be prepped properly. They should be told you won’t be there and you will do something special to make it up to them. And find a person that is important to them who can take your place. Little siblings usually don’t cut it. Have an adult take your place, they should wave to the child, and if they can approach the child before and say I’m taking a video so that your mother can see.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:37 pm
I know people whove gone to a siblings wedding 3 days post baby. Why is a childs performance any different if not more important?
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amother




DarkYellow
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:39 pm
My mother never came to any of my performances either. She would ask me in advance if it's ok and of course I said yes, not wanting to inconvenience her. My father was working and couldn't come. Although I knew she wouldn't be there I'd be so disappointed when she didn't show up. I scanned the audience looking for her just in case she changed her mind. I was little, first grade all the way up to twelfth.
I never miss my kids' performances. Never.
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amother




Papayawhip
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:40 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I know people whove gone to a siblings wedding 3 days post baby. Why is a childs performance any different if not more important?


I wouldn't go to a siblings wedding 3 days post baby. And a wedding is definitely more important than a child's play unless your child is extra sensitive or has other things going on.
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amother




Cherry
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:41 pm
OP you must be joking. And your husband sounds like possibly the least resilient person in the history of Man kind or your IL were deeply neglectful and this was something your husband remembers but it was really much much more. A well attached child with well bonded parents will NOT be traumatized from such shtuyot
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miami85




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:41 pm
I went to a child's chanuka carnival less than 2 weeks after having a baby b/c parental participation was required for the preschool to attend and I didn't want my child to feel resentful of the baby that that was the reason she couldn't go to the carnival.

We were once going to miss a child's performance--the child too--because we were going out of town so I arranged with the teachers that they let us come for the dress rehearsal.

Another time we thought we were going to be out of town for the child's kindergarten graduation but we told the teacher with enough time in advance and they teachers moved up the graduation (a lot of families had simchos out of town) so they made the graduation the week before school ended.
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amother




Lightblue
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:43 pm
My mom missed my 8th grade graduation because she had a baby the week before . Of course it bother me but I understood.

When I was a 2 week old kimpeturin I went to my dd performance at the end . The principal was very nice and when she saw me told the teacher to repeat the song she sang .
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Fox




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:50 pm
I went to all of my children's performances and hated each one more than the last. I got zero nachas from the ordeals and can't for the life of me imagine how anyone does. I mean, I saw all those mothers weeping tears of pride, so obviously people DO get nachas, but the reasoning eludes me.

Here's my point, though: for everyone like the OP's DH, there's a kid who thinks the whole thing is stupid and couldn't care less.

As parents, we often behave as WE would have wanted OUR parents to behave -- and that may or may not be what's important to our child.

So do your best to attend these things, and just know that whatever you do, your DIL may be on Imamother someday, telling about something completely unrelated that you did wrong.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:55 pm
amother [ Papayawhip ] wrote:
I wouldn't go to a siblings wedding 3 days post baby. And a wedding is definitely more important than a child's play unless your child is extra sensitive or has other things going on.


Um no a childs performance is wayyyy more important than a wedding. you do whatever you can to be by a childs performance or at least try to work out coming to a rehearsal or something in the worst case
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observer




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:56 pm
Fox wrote:
I went to all of my children's performances and hated each one more than the last. I got zero nachas from the ordeals and can't for the life of me imagine how anyone does. I mean, I saw all those mothers weeping tears of pride, so obviously people DO get nachas, but the reasoning eludes me.

Here's my point, though: for everyone like the OP's DH, there's a kid who thinks the whole thing is stupid and couldn't care less.

As parents, we often behave as WE would have wanted OUR parents to behave -- and that may or may not be what's important to our child.

So do your best to attend these things, and just know that whatever you do, your DIL may be on Imamother someday, telling about something completely unrelated that you did wrong.


Even if you personally didn't enjoy it, don't you think it meant the world to your child that you came?
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amother




Clematis
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I know people whove gone to a siblings wedding 3 days post baby. Why is a childs performance any different if not more important?


Some of us work full time. I can’t take off for every Chanukah or Shmoneh Esreh play. I did however take the morning off for a Siddur party. When I didn’t work full time, my son’s Chumash play was the same day as my grandmother’s levaya in another state.
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amother




Buttercup
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:59 pm
Fox wrote:
I went to all of my children's performances and hated each one more than the last. I got zero nachas from the ordeals and can't for the life of me imagine how anyone does. I mean, I saw all those mothers weeping tears of pride, so obviously people DO get nachas, but the reasoning eludes me.

Here's my point, though: for everyone like the OP's DH, there's a kid who thinks the whole thing is stupid and couldn't care less.

As parents, we often behave as WE would have wanted OUR parents to behave -- and that may or may not be what's important to our child.

So do your best to attend these things, and just know that whatever you do, your DIL may be on Imamother someday, telling about something completely unrelated that you did wrong.


I personally hate them too. But I know my children feel proud standing up there singing, dancing, acting or whatever. So I smile and say how amazing it was and it means the world to them. I would never miss it even though I can’t stand it.
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amother




Tulip
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Um no a childs performance is wayyyy more important than a wedding. you do whatever you can to be by a childs performance or at least try to work out coming to a rehearsal or something in the worst case

Is this satire? Seriously?
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:59 pm
amother [ Cherry ] wrote:
OP you must be joking. And your husband sounds like possibly the least resilient person in the history of Man kind or your IL were deeply neglectful and this was something your husband remembers but it was really much much more. A well attached child with well bonded parents will NOT be traumatized from such shtuyot


Hes actually extremely attached to his mother this is just 1 story that really bothers him. A child that little doesnt care or understand about details that go on in an adults life like work or cousins weddings. All they care about is that performance they were working on for weeks and then every single other parent comes to see them but not his (or someone else in replacement not like 2 single brothers that were young)
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Laiya




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 10:00 pm
observer wrote:
Even if you personally didn't enjoy it, don't you think it meant the world to your child that you came?


I have one dc who absolutely hated the performances. If I would have understood better back then, I would have asked the morah not to give dc a part. Or at least, discussed with her not making a big deal about it.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Oct 23 2021, 10:00 pm
amother [ Tulip ] wrote:
Is this satire? Seriously?


Seriously
My mother always said the same thing. She came to my sisters performance when in early labor
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