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Forum -> Children's Health
My 8 year is SO fat!
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amother
Starflower


 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 9:26 pm
Is it not okay for me to tell my DD she can not finish off the macaroni and cheese pan after she had two servings already?

Or if she had a soda for a treat one day that we can't go for ice cream later?
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 9:29 pm
amother [ DarkKhaki ] wrote:
On a societal level, it absolutely is about money. Not eating a donut doesn't cost money, but people do need to eat something. It would be healthier to eat a fresh salad with chia seeds sprinkled on it, for example, but it costs a lot more. People who do have the money do eat healthier when they eat socially.
Most of the junk kids eat is in addition to semi nutritious meals. Not instead of. Come on. There’s lots of room for improvement in how we feed our kids that doesn’t cost anyone an extra cent.
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 9:33 pm
amother [ Tan ] wrote:
Whatever you do - DON’T under any circumstances mention anything about fat, weight, or looks to her. You don’t want it to backfire or (worse) chas v’shalom cause an eating disorder. At this age just emphasize healthy eating and exercise to grow up strong and healthy. Modeling those yourself will be helpful, as well. If she has good role model(s) and a positive attitude, she will probably work on it herself, eventually (although maybe not till high school). In the meantime (hard as it is), just bite your tongue and be careful not to say anything negative to her so that you don’t unintentionally cause lifelong disordered relationship with food.


Coming from someone who struggled with weight my whole life and yet my mother never made a comment--I wasn't an idiot. I could figure out that I had a boxy figure, that I was a different size than my friends. I probably tried things that werent' super healthy, but it had nothing to do with my mother's criticism.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 9:35 pm
amother [ Starflower ] wrote:
Is it not okay for me to tell my DD she can not finish off the macaroni and cheese pan after she had two servings already?

Or if she had a soda for a treat one day that we can't go for ice cream later?

Of course it's okay. but don't frame it as being because she's fat. You can frame it in terms of healthy eating.
Sweetie I'm sorry you're still hungry, why don't you have some carrot sticks/salad/healthy supper option?
We can't have ice cream today, we had soda already for our treat
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amother
Hibiscus


 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 9:54 pm
I see no one much cares for the idea of it could be a simple food intolerance of one item.

But I will tell you this, please, do NOT ever get involved in her food choices. That is a direct route to lifelong issues. Let her eat same as everyone else in the family. If you go healthy for her, the whole entire family does it together.

Buy her clothing that flatters.

But I just reiterate, I have seen so many times, someone stay off wheat, buy spelt replacements, eat the same, not only weight slides off but many other more minor but constant complaints resolve. All for a single food intolerance.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 9:56 pm
amother [ Hibiscus ] wrote:
I see no one much cares for the idea of it could be a simple food intolerance of one item.

But I will tell you this, please, do NOT ever get involved in her food choices. That is a direct route to lifelong issues. Let her eat same as everyone else in the family.

Buy her clothing that flatters.

But I just reiterate, I have seen so many times, someone stay off wheat, buy spelt replacements, eat the same, not only weight slides off but many other more minor but constant complaints resolve. All for a single food intolerance.
Its usually so much more complicated than that.
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amother
Lightpink


 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 10:38 pm
Op, you have my sympathies, I have the same with my 11 year old. It’s really difficult to watch that as a mother and to shop. A few things I have learned over the years:

1. This is not the place to save money. Spend whatever money you need to on her clothes to buy things that flatter her and help her look her best. Spend on alterations. It will make you happy to see her looking great. And yes, for sure ditch the skirts and go for dresses/ jumpers

2. Stay out of her food choices and try to keep the rest of your household healthy, model eating fresh fruits and veggies , etc. never single her out. At this point in her life, you want her to grow up with a healthy relationship to food. As she matures she will realize her weight struggles on her own and will probably try to lose weight. But her body image in her mind is being formed and as an adult, few ppl can change that….
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 10:43 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
Of course it's okay. but don't frame it as being because she's fat. You can frame it in terms of healthy eating.
Sweetie I'm sorry you're still hungry, why don't you have some carrot sticks/salad/healthy supper option?
We can't have ice cream today, we had soda already for our treat


Or just not make dinners like macaroni and cheese. Everyone would eat better and eat less if dinner were high in fiber and protein, and low in unrefined carbs.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Mon, Oct 25 2021, 11:48 pm
nicole81 wrote:
Or just not make dinners like macaroni and cheese. Everyone would eat better and eat less if dinner were high in fiber and protein, and low in unrefined carbs.

Of course that's the ideal. But the reality is crazy busy moms and picky children... the kids will eat mac and cheese sometimes and that's fine too!!!
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 12:03 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am so careful not to say a word. She literally thinks she is the prettiest girl in the world with the confident boost I give her. She herself sometimes mentions things, but I brush it away and tell her she is just how Hashem has made her and absolutely gorgeous!!! I find her often looking in the mirror smiling. I know I'm doing ok, when I see that!
My husband and I are slim, and my other kids are all slim.


You’re doing great op. I do the same with my son. I never mention a word about fat and I just encourage exercise and healthy eating for all my children. Once in a while he makes a comment about himself being fat and I tell him that he’s gorgeous exactly how he is, But if he’s unhappy and wants to lose weight, I’ll support him in whatever way he wants. But I understand that it’s hard for you. It bothers me too, when I see his enormous belly. He surpassed my weight by the age of 10 years old. Maybe even less then that.
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piece




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 2:40 am
register to a trampoline park, forgot what its called. I know few people who went, & over time lost tons of weight
but definitely check to see if she is gluten intolerant.
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amother
Oatmeal


 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 11:34 am
amother [ DarkKhaki ] wrote:
On a societal level, it absolutely is about money. Not eating a donut doesn't cost money, but people do need to eat something. It would be healthier to eat a fresh salad with chia seeds sprinkled on it, for example, but it costs a lot more. People who do have the money do eat healthier when they eat socially.


Kids in school don’t want salad with chai seeds as their Rosh Chodesh treat.
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amother
Oatmeal


 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 11:36 am
amother [ Starflower ] wrote:
Is it not okay for me to tell my DD she can not finish off the macaroni and cheese pan after she had two servings already?

Or if she had a soda for a treat one day that we can't go for ice cream later?


Serve macaroni and cheese individually on plates and have veggie sticks on table. Everyone gets their portion. If you are still hungry there is soup. Sides. But this applies to everyone. Not one kid.
Start the meal with soup or salad. For everyone.

And as a previous poster said don’t serve pasta for supper - to anyone.
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amother
Honeysuckle


 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 12:34 pm
OP, another idea to explore is OT issues. One of my kids always tell me "I just need to chew!!" I bought gum and sensory toys like this one

or this one pencil top chewer
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 12:50 pm
amother [ Starflower ] wrote:
Is it not okay for me to tell my DD she can not finish off the macaroni and cheese pan after she had two servings already?

Or if she had a soda for a treat one day that we can't go for ice cream later?


My kids are all underweight, but I still tell my kids things like that because they are not healthy choices. Variety is good, so if my kids eat 2 bowls of mac and cheese, I'll offer them some water, fruit or veggies if they are still hungry.

And we talk about how too many sugary treats is not healthy, and if we have a lot of sugar we try to find balance by limiting sugar later, and picking healthier alternatives.
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amother
DarkKhaki


 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 2:11 pm
amother [ Oatmeal ] wrote:
Kids in school don’t want salad with chai seeds as their Rosh Chodesh treat.

That's because they don't appreciate the chia seeds at that age and they are given vegetables all the time (and encouraged to eat them). Something being a treat is defined by it usually not being available. That's what makes it special. Kids who don't usually get acai smoothies or dragonfruit cubes can be bribed with them or treated with them on a special occasion.
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lamplighter




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 4:06 pm
amother [ Oatmeal ] wrote:
Serve macaroni and cheese individually on plates and have veggie sticks on table. Everyone gets their portion. If you are still hungry there is soup. Sides. But this applies to everyone. Not one kid.
Start the meal with soup or salad. For everyone.

And as a previous poster said don’t serve pasta for supper - to anyone.


This is exactly how I became part of the "clean plate club". We got portions decided by my mother and that was it. You're still hungry have vegetables. Well guess what? I still struggling leaving things on my plate because of years of conditioning that that's the food I get. I literally have to practice leaving some food on the plate and eating it later so I can trust my own body and hunger cues.
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amother
Oatmeal


 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 4:34 pm
lamplighter wrote:
This is exactly how I became part of the "clean plate club". We got portions decided by my mother and that was it. You're still hungry have vegetables. Well guess what? I still struggling leaving things on my plate because of years of conditioning that that's the food I get. I literally have to practice leaving some food on the plate and eating it later so I can trust my own body and hunger cues.


I never thought of that. Thank you for the perspective.

I do this with my skinny kids and everyone. There is a lot of food on the table. You can eat until you are full. It’s not like you have to scourage for food. And I rarely make pasta as a supper because it is only starch.
I think it’s important to learn what a portion size looks like.

Eliding my post to say I don’t think my skinnier kids are healthier eaters then the others. One of my teen sons works so hard on what he eats. Preparing amazing lunches for mesivta of salmon. Quinoa, turkey sandwiches. Taking snacks of veggies, apples, Greek yogurt. He jogs in his free time. He really struggled with his weight. But I still think he is healthier then his skinnier siblings. I think they all need to learn proper portion control and habits
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amother
Oatmeal


 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 4:39 pm
amother [ DarkKhaki ] wrote:
That's because they don't appreciate the chia seeds at that age and they are given vegetables all the time (and encouraged to eat them). Something being a treat is defined by it usually not being available. That's what makes it special. Kids who don't usually get acai smoothies or dragonfruit cubes can be bribed with them or treated with them on a special occasion.


I find food that is not typical the taste has to be acquired. A kid who doesn’t regularly eat the food will have to adjust to taste and texture. It’s not exciting to get a new food that is unusual to the palate.
When I buy new fruit that is unusual it is exciting and takes time for my kids to get used to it. But giving them something strange they aren’t looking for wouldn’t really be a treat.
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amother
DarkKhaki


 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2021, 4:46 pm
I don't mean introducing it as a new thing, I mean when the kids already like it but they don't get it frequently.
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