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Forum
-> Working Women
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amother
OP
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 Mon, Oct 25 2021, 12:57 pm
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Is this normal? Maybe I’m terrible at time management, I see all these moms around me working 30-40 hours but I don’t know how they swing it. My husband often gets home between 7-8. I have a 7 month old baby who lately has so many appts because he has feeding issues. It takes forever to prepare his complicated mixture of formula and to feed him, and he still has to be fed every night before I go to bed and then held upright so he doesn’t have reflux. I’m spending hours every day with appts and feeding and cleaning bottles. And I’m exhausted. What am I doing wrong?? I don’t want to start getting up at 6 just to work 30 hours.
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amother
Burgundy
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:00 pm
I work 40 hours, but my kids are older and I'm still always exhausted.
You have a newborn!! Cut yourself some slack. You aren't sleeping well and are still adjusting to life with an infant who has issues.
A lot of women who work full time look like they're handling things but everyone cuts corners somewhere. That may look like husbands helping, cleaning help, buying ready made dinners, etc.
Don't expect yourself to be able to to work so hard. It's hard to deal with appointments on a work schedule. Give it a few more months until your baby is older and eating well and then revisit your hours.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:06 pm
| amother [ Burgundy ] wrote: | I work 40 hours, but my kids are older and I'm still always exhausted.
You have a newborn!! Cut yourself some slack. You aren't sleeping well and are still adjusting to life with an infant who has issues.
A lot of women who work full time look like they're handling things but everyone cuts corners somewhere. That may look like husbands helping, cleaning help, buying ready made dinners, etc.
Don't expect yourself to be able to to work so hard. It's hard to deal with appointments on a work schedule. Give it a few more months until your baby is older and eating well and then revisit your hours. |
Thanks. Yeah I haven’t yet set up cleaning help (recently moved) and my husband is super busy. And I don’t really buy ready made dinners. It’s just so hard feeling like I’m sacrificing my job, I used to work 40+ hours and I’m down to 25. I’d love to be able to work more now but it seems impossible
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amother
Dimgray
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:08 pm
People always tell me that.
I'm upfront that no, I don't do it all.
I am struggling.
It goes on one ear and out the other.
"I don't know how you do it" blah blah
Don't let the fact that others do it fool you
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ShishKabob
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:10 pm
| amother [ Dimgray ] wrote: |
Don't let the fact that others do it fool you | This!!
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amother
Amaranthus
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:15 pm
I work 27 hours a week. With my commute it’s 33 hours that I’m out of the house. I have no cleaning help. I’m
Totally not managing. It’s extremely difficult and not sustainable. Bh everything at home is done But I push myself to the bone and I’m burnt out through and through
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ShishKabob
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:19 pm
| amother [ Amaranthus ] wrote: | I work 27 hours a week. With my commute it’s 33 hours that I’m out of the house. I have no cleaning help. I’m
Totally not managing. It’s extremely difficult and not sustainable. Bh everything at home is done But I push myself to the bone and I’m burnt out through and through | Don't do this, there's only "one" you! Let things slide.
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tichellady
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:25 pm
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You aren’t doing anything wrong! You have your hands full with your baby and work and I’m impressed you are functioning at all
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dancingqueen
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:36 pm
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Are you trying to work with your baby home with you? That’s hard, can you send to daycare or get a babysitter?
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amother
Celeste
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:45 pm
| dancingqueen wrote: | | Are you trying to work with your baby home with you? That’s hard, can you send to daycare or get a babysitter? |
This. I didn’t hear anything about pickup and drop off to daycare or having a nanny.
I can’t imagine working at home without childcare with a baby that age (yikes! Any age!)
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amother
Jasmine
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:51 pm
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I don't know where you live but I am in my mid thirties and I work 28 hours a week. Most of my friends and neighbors work less hours a week than me, some have similiar schedules and the few that I know of that work 30 plus hours a week all have nannys/housekeepers full time so cleaning and laundry is not on their heads and neither is playgroup/babysitting pick up drop off.
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amother
Amaranthus
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:53 pm
| ShishKabob wrote: | | Don't do this, there's only "one" you! Let things slide. |
I wish. My kids need food and clean clothes. My bathrooms need to be cleaned etc. I really can’t afford cleaning help and I can’t find in the evenings either
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amother
OP
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:53 pm
| dancingqueen wrote: | | Are you trying to work with your baby home with you? That’s hard, can you send to daycare or get a babysitter? |
He goes to a daycare, the drive there and back takes about 40 min. The challenge is all the driving and appointments. And going to bed super late due to all the cleaning and feeding him before bed, so then I struggle to get up early.
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amother
Celeste
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:56 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | He goes to a daycare, the drive there and back takes about 40 min. The challenge is all the driving and appointments. And going to bed super late due to all the cleaning and feeding him before bed, so then I struggle to get up early. |
Is your husband able to do some of the cleanup/feeding as well?
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amother
OP
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:58 pm
| amother [ Celeste ] wrote: | | Is your husband able to do some of the cleanup/feeding as well? |
Yes he helps a lot bH. So we’re both going to bed late and running out of time lol
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amother
Celeste
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 1:59 pm
| amother [ Jasmine ] wrote: | | I don't know where you live but I am in my mid thirties and I work 28 hours a week. Most of my friends and neighbors work less hours a week than me, some have similiar schedules and the few that I know of that work 30 plus hours a week all have nannys/housekeepers full time so cleaning and laundry is not on their heads and neither is playgroup/babysitting pick up drop off. |
Perhaps you live among wealthier people. Everyone I know (early 40s, young families) works FT and either has daycare pickups and drop offs (me) or has nannies (not live in) so most of us ‘do it all’ (clearly in quotes becisse we know it’s not a glamorous life)
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zaq
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 2:19 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | Is this normal? Maybe I’m terrible at time management, I see all these moms around me working 30-40 hours but I don’t know how they swing it. My husband often gets home between 7-8. I have a 7 month old baby who lately has so many appts because he has feeding issues. It takes forever to prepare his complicated mixture of formula and to feed him, and he still has to be fed every night before I go to bed and then held upright so he doesn’t have reflux. I’m spending hours every day with appts and feeding and cleaning bottles. And I’m exhausted. What am I doing wrong?? I don’t want to start getting up at 6 just to work 30 hours. |
WEll, there's your answer. You have complications that other people don't. And you may also benefit from reading some time management books.
Now's the time to look at your household and set priorities for NOW. These can and will change as your family situation evolves. So while you may be philosophically opposed to buying prepared foods, you may decide that for now, sleep is more important and you will buy prepared kugel and chicken for Shabbat instead of making your own. You may decide that having a clean house for at least a little while is necessary to your mental health and you'll hire a cleaner for two hours a week or two hours a month or whatever you can afford, or you may decide that home-cooked food is more important than a clean house and instead of a cleaner hire a cook to make some or all your food.
If you don't already own a standalone freezer, consider getting one and cooking in bulk on Sundays or whenever dh is around to look after the baby.
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amother
Purple
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 2:38 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | Is this normal? Maybe I’m terrible at time management, I see all these moms around me working 30-40 hours but I don’t know how they swing it. My husband often gets home between 7-8. |
I work over 50 hours a week. My husband leaves work at 3:45 p.m. to pick up the kids, gets home by 4:15, and cooks dinner every weekday. That makes a big difference. If he wasn't available until 7 or 8 pm, I'd be struggling to work 30 hours too.
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anonymrs
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 3:41 pm
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Having a baby with reflux and feeding issues IS a full time job. BTDT. That's why you're having such a hard time, you're struggling to work 2 full time jobs. I don't think anyone can do that.
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amother
Burntblack
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Mon, Oct 25 2021, 5:11 pm
I work 28 hours a week and I feel like I’m always working.
10-3 And 8-10 pm
No fridays (when I schedule all appts)
It’s not easy
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