8 year old lost recess...

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 1:44 pm

Sewsew_mom wrote:

Because she was chewing gum in class yesterday.
I asked her if she knew it was a rule. She had no clue.
Teacher took the class down for recess and sent my daughter herself back to the classroom, and took her snack and drink.
She sat the whole recess herself with no anak and drink and teacher forgot to call her back down after 5 minutes.
She said a girl came to the class and my daughter asked the girl to tell morah that she's waiting for her to call her down. But by the time teacher came it was lineup time.
Would you say anything to the teacher?
I'm really upset-but wondering if I'm over reacting. (3rd grade girls school Lakewood)

No recess, sitting in isolation, and no snack on top of it all for chewing gum? That is harsh.
I work with people with disabilities and we are not allowed to use aversive conditioning on them so why would a teacher be allowed to use aversive conditioning on a neurotypical child? I would definitely speak up about it to the teacher and to the principal to ensure that this doesnt happen again to any child at the school (because if this happened to your child then rest assured that it happens to other kids as well and needs to stop altogether). If you need other parents as backup then talk to them and maybe come up with a solution as to how the teacher/principal can use proper techniques to discipline kids in the future. Just like parents would take parenting classes so too the teachers and principals taking care of the kids all day should need classes on maintaining discipline without being abusive as well.
And def ensure that your child isnt traumatized from all this by either speaking to the school counselor or a therapist who will help her process and teach her better coping skills in the future so she can stand up for herself without being further punished (although teachers need to learn how to be open to feedback from the students and their parents as well).

southernbubby

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 1:48 pm

I was the mother from Slytherin so I would have gotten on my broomstick and flown to that school.
I get furious when my grandchildren get mistreated in school. Of course, they can talk me into nearly anything. One of those teachers nearly killed my poor grandchild by making the class run up and down the stairs 10 times as punishment and my grandchild was too afraid to say that she had just been discharged from the hospital where she had spent 4 days dealing with surgery for a ruptured appendix. Luckily another student realized what was happening and told the teacher who ended that activity.
I just listened to an Avi Fishoff video on how teachers should not destroy children. If the teacher is taking a wrecking ball to your child's neshama you must take action.

Sewsew_mom

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 5:59 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

I agree that the teacher overreacted And was too harsh but how can a girl get to 3rd grade not knowing gum chewing isn’t allowed? Most girls know that by 1st grade and I have a hard time believing a kid wouldn't know she is breaking a rule.

🤔 This is a very silly question. I didn't even know chewing gum wasn't allowed. How would my daughter know. Girls bring gum all the time. Honestly I don't even know if it is a rule.
Just wondering.. You think she deliberately chewed gum in class so she can sit herself during recess without her water and snack? Not sure what your implying here..
I am waiting to call the teacher tonight but in the meantime I went over with my daughter again what exactly happened.. She said the teacher did mention no eating in class (not specifically today) but she didn't know gum was called eating. Regardless it's not OK how the teacher reacted.

notshanarishona

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 6:21 pm

amother [ NeonOrange ] wrote:

How should they know that it's not allowed? Someone needs to tell them. My daughter just told me this week that a girl has gum on the bus and they also want. I told them that the school doesn't allow it. She had no idea, it never came up in conversation before. She's in 5th grade.
And let's say the girl did know, she still doesn't deserve to have her food taken away and to be left alone in the classroom. It's enough if the teacher says "gum is not allowed in school, please throw it away."

Every teacher since kindergarten probably has a no eating during class / outside of snack time, even if you want to say she didn’t say no eating gum. In every school I have worked at (and that’s at least 5) , the no gum rule is clearly emphasized on day 1 at the first rules discussion. I have seen kids try to sneak, but never seen a 3rd grader not know she was doing something wrong.

notshanarishona

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 6:24 pm

Sewsew_mom wrote:

I am not saying she was aware of what the consequences would be and I am not saying that the consequences were appropriate. I agree the teacher reacted inappropriately .
I have a 3rd grade daughter and have taught 3rd grade. At that age, the girls know very well that eating is for specific times (not that they never sneak and not that there are never exceptions) but no gum is a very typical school rule.

Sewsew_mom

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 6:47 pm

dena613 wrote:

Notshanarishona, 100%!!!

I'm surprised that mom is surprised that dd thinks she wasa llowed to chew gum in class.

Not in any universe I've ever lived on! Smile

I really don't think my daughter was thinking she was doing anything wrong. She's totally not a challenging kid. Regardless I wasn't coming here to say it's a good/bad rule.. Just an I overreacting thinking that's an odd punishment and should I approach the teacher.
I've been in school 20 years ago. I don't remember these silly things that are not important. So I can be surprised if I want.

amother

Daphne

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 7:18 pm

Sewsew_mom wrote:

if you want the teacher and school to take you seriously, you need to own what she did wrong. If you’re the mom that always thinks your daughter is the tzadekes that can do no wrong, they will not take you seriously!
Call a spade a spade, explain to your daughter that what she did was wrong, and complain to the teacher about the punishment. You are sending a bad message to your daughter by defending her to this extent. And telling the teacher that she didn’t know she can’t chew gum in class is going to backfire.

amother

Gray

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 7:34 pm

I dont know about takeing away recess but takeing something from a person is stealing! I know this is going to be a shocker for some people but an 8 year old is a person hence what I said before takeing away something from a person is stealing! Even if you rationalize and tell the class that if they misbehave youll take it away. Guess what thats still stealling al pi halacha!

amother

Strawberry

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 7:38 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

That reminds me when I was in fifth grade I took out a picture of my baby brother and placed it on my desk to show my friends at recess. It was a minute before recess started. The teacher saw and got mad that I didn't wait until the bell rang. She took it away. I told her she was stealing and she's a ganiv. That didn't go over well. And she never returned it to me, which is problematic.

Sewsew_mom

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 7:45 pm

amother [ Daphne ] wrote:

You really think I don't know how to parent..
I'm well aware of what I tell my children and how to handle them. I don't walk around defending their every actions.
What I asked for help was if I should bring it up to a teacher or not. I don't disagree if there is a rule and it's broken there are consequences. I didn't feel it was OK how it was handled hence my post.
Yes maybe gum chewing was OK. I told my daughter if there is a rule not to chew gum than she can't chew it. And she fully heard me.
My response was to another mother here who said it's basic ABC to know not to chew gum. My response was that's nice you think so.. It wouldn't have occurred to me, so maybe she didn't know.
You need to know your child.
I'm absolutely not coming onto a teacher being defensive sticking up for my child who may have done something wrong. I honestly want to know what actually happened. And if that's the case that she was punished for just plain ol chewing gum - I will tell the teacher I'm upset how it was handled. And I will state my mind. Because Im allowed to. Because it's my daughters life. And these things DO matter.

amother

Begonia

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 7:47 pm

Sewsew_mom wrote:

sorry but it’s not a silly question. When you call the teacher don’t approach it as “my daughter didn’t know”. Rather say that your daughter did something wrong however the punishment is way overboard

Sewsew_mom

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 7:48 pm

amother [ Strawberry ] wrote:

Omg. Teachers need to RELAX. Not sure why everyone thinks they can be a teacher. It's a huge achrayus and so many kids have issues later on in life because of just a silly comment or a misjudgment by a former teacher..

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 7:49 pm

I teach 3rd grade (not in Lakewood) and I recently mentioned to the principal about a certain misbehavior of a specific girl. She said next time that happens tell her she will spend recess in the principal’s office.
I was horrified. I would never do that.
Let the consequence match the crime.
If she chewed gum, she has to spit it out! She lost her gum, that’s enough!

Sewsew_mom

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 7:51 pm

amother [ Strawberry ] wrote:

The punishment was too much. But no kid thinks they can chew gum in class, that's just a basic. I thought you meant she was chewing gum during recess which is different. But she didn't need multiple punishments and taking away food and a drink is not an acceptable punishment ever.

I have no clue when she was chewing gum honestly. Either way it doesn't matter. It's the point that she lost recess and teacher forgot about her and she took her snack and drink away.
Unless she was beating someone up, no reason to be isolated in a room yourself a whole recess without your snack.