Florida BY schools (and communities!)

amother

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 10:20 am

Strongly thinking about moving to florida next school year.

im starting to do my research, but honestly, I don't want to talk about it with friends yet, so my research is not getting me far. thats why im here.

I only have girls in elementry school right now. my boys are still playgroup age, so im not worrying about them yet.

my girls go to a middle of the road BY school. no one watches movies/tv, interenet is allowed for "work" and with a filter (id say more than majority have internet just stam), most have smartphones (obviosly not encrouaged by the school, but the school doesnt have a rule against them at home). its not ulta yeshivish (not sure how else to describe it).

I need a school like that, and one that is warm and loving. im afraid of community type schools where the girls can be from more modern families. (to clarify, I have zero issue with modern families, most of my friends are and teach my kids to accept everyone etc...! but more my kids, I need them in a school with girls who I dont have to worry about the influnences.

im not set on any neighbrohood in particular... would love suggestions for neighbrohoods as well that would be us (we are mid 30's, dh is in klei kodesh and I work for an online company so I can work from anywhere). ppl tend to point to nmb for us, but is there anywhere else?

I greatly appreciate your help

amother

Acacia

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 1:48 pm

First of all, if you're moving out of town (especially to S Florida) I suggest you change your mindset of being 'afraid' of your kids having modern classmates who watch TV. It's a given here - the schools are very welcoming and even the frummer BY style schools are a huge mix. I know kids in BY Miami who have a parent that is not frum, and a kid in Toras Emes (they have a girls elementary school that feeds into Bais Yaakov starting in 6th grade) who had to be told not to bring McDonald's for lunch. YES is probably a bit more frummer than Toras Emes, but they have the same type of mix. TV's, movies, smart devices are a fact of life here. Yes, you'll find people who don't have any of those, but they aren't the majority.

Just understand that things are different here. For example, I don't cover my hair and wear short sleeves but we go to a chassidish shul. Nobody has an issue with that, and I'm not the only one.

The schools here ARE warm and loving, in addition to being accepting of EVERYONE, modern families who don't fit the typical mold included.

Please, I beg of you - before this move becomes set in stone, change your outlook because your kids WILL have friends down here who are 'more modern' no matter where you send them. Believe it or not with the right attitude at home you won't have to worry about influences. My daughter goes to a school you'd probably never consider. The parent body runs from not frum to girls wearing long sleeves and dresses that cover the knees. Somehow the frummest parents there aren't worries about their kids being "influenced" by their classmates. If you truly believe your values and embody them at home, you will have nothing to worry about. It's people who are insecure with their beliefs that are worried about outside influences.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 9:00 pm

As someone who lives in Miami for about 20 years, I disagree with some of the other posters.

There are plenty of "klei kodesh" families who have kids who don't watch movies and have only filtered internet. It's true that you won't find a school where NONE of the kids watch movies, but in every school you will have some kids who will be like your kids. Those kids tend to find each other. This is true for kids who are more "modern" or who don't buy into the system.

My husband is in klei kodesh and my kids have grown up knowing what our family values are, while at the same time being friendly with everyone. The upshot of raising your kids in a mixed invironment is that they learn to respect different streams and see people as good people, regardless of how "frum" they are.

That being said, my girls were mostly friends with the more yeshivish girls in the class.
My son was in a pre school class of about 20 kids. He became best friends with the one boy whose family is similar to ours. I find it so ironic that the two little boys just gravitated to each other. And this happened with all of my kids.

That's not to say that you sometimes have kids from more yeshivish homes who end up becoming friends with girls who may have a negative influence on them. But that can happen anywhere- even in Lakewood.

I found that my kids have a stronger sense of self, and are more idealistic than their in-town peers who were never in a mixed environment.

Another thing you should know is that even though the student body is mixed, the staff at the schools are for the most part bnei Torah, coming from mainstream Torah communities. This includes Yeshiva elementary school, Toras Emes (they are Chofetz Chaim) and Bais Yaakov. You can be sure that your kids will be getting an undiluted pure chinuch.

(The other schools do not claim to be of that hashkafa. )

Also, as to those posters who said not to move down with that attitude, I will tell you that most newcomers are from NY. With time, most people pick up on the prevailing attitudes. They drop their judgementalism, they ease up a bit, become more friendly and become less materialistic. I cannot tell you how many women I know who moved down here with "NY attitudes" and have over the years completely changed. So I wouldn't worry.

(I wonder when the mom who doesn't cover her hair, yet davens in a chassidish shul moved to Miami.)

amother

Lemonchiffon

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 9:16 pm

amother [ Poinsettia ] wrote:

What are the most frum schools in south Florida - boys and girls and elementary and high school

Elementary is Yeshiva Elementary school and Toras Emes. At the Elementary school level, I think they are pretty much interchangeable though some will say that YES draws a frummer crowd. You have plenty of families who have kids in both.

For high school, Bais Yaakov is the most right wing. It starts in 6th grade.

For the boys, YES feeds into YMS (Yeshiva Middle school) for boys and then the Mechina starts in 9th grade.

Toras emes boys school feeds into RMS (Rohr middle school). It has a much bigger mix but they have a "Yeshiva track", which has longer school hours and learns a little faster than the other track.

That feeds into the high school. It's a great Yeshiva, but not mainstream if you're used to a NY style high school. For example, there is no requirement to wear white shirts, as they b'shita do not focus on externals. (The Mechina does require white shirts.)

Hope this is not too confusing.
But basically there are two schools that start in preschool and go all the way up to beis medresh. People do switch from one to the other.

amother

Acacia

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 10:55 pm

amother [ Lemonchiffon ] wrote:

That would be me. Silly me forgot what board I posted on and I should've known someone would jump on the "she probably ran away from NY 🙄" chorus.

I'm living here a while. A long while. Like I said, I'm not the only one that shows up there dressed differently. That shul has a wonderful vibe and I wouldn't trade it for the world. We bought a house walking distance to the shul long before it became a thing.

I agree that perhaps people mellow, but unfortunately many don't. I've been hearing rumblings in some of my kids schools from new parents shocked at the "laxity" that goes on here. Personally I love the diversity and I love the fact that my kids have friends that are more modern than we are and more frum.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 11:14 pm

One more thing OP:

While I personally love the lack of peer pressure and judgementalism, I do recognize that at times, peer pressure can serve a very positive purpose.

There are definitely people who move down here and get negatively influenced. Over the years, their standards fall. Where they knew they could never get away with certain things in NY, here no one bats an eye. Not only that, in NY- they never entertained the thought of doing those things, and here it becomes very normal.

Some people are more susceptible to outside influences than others, and there is much truth to the idea that you adapt to your surroundings. Of course many people do hold onto their standards (especially those who move down here to be marbitz Torah.)
But for some people this is a very real challenge.

If you or your husband are the type to be very influenced, this might be something to consider. It's not just the kids- often it's the adults that get influenced.

amother

Azalea

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 11:25 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

I think your pretty clueless about other oot communities. I’ve been to Florida and know a lot of people who live there. It’s definitely more modern (besides the Kollel and some klei kodesh then many large pot communities.
You can stay very insular (way more then in ny)
In Cleveland sending to mosdos or Chicago or Montreal or Toronto to name a few. Don’t lump all oot communities together because Florida by its very nature is different then other oot communities

amother

Lemonchiffon

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 11:36 pm

amother [ Azalea ] wrote:

I agree with this, having lived in other OOT communities as well as Florida.

I also want to comment on the kid who brought McDonald's to school...I have NOT heard this story. Not that I don't believe you, but in the spirit of honesty, saying over such an example does not give an accurate picture of Toras Emes.

I have had my kids in that school for many years. While some people are more frum and some more modern, I'm sure this "mcdonald" child is a huge anomaly and not something that should be used as an example of how diverse the parent body is. Toras emes is a regular Torah institution. Please don't slander it by using such an outrageous example (even if it's possible that it may be true) of the type of thing that can happen in that school. Please.

amother

Cornsilk

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 11:45 pm

amother [ Lemonchiffon ] wrote:

I was debating if I should comment because I went to Toras Emes and BYM in the 80's and 90's. But I think if anything, there's a kal v'chomer here. The community grew exponentially since then and, as I hear, has become frummer if anything. And even back then, no one would have brought treif to school. There was a mix, but the mix was moms who covered their hair vs didn't. A few mothers wore pants (again, back in the 80s).

But there were no non shomer shabbos families in either school. For a few months I recall we had a Russian girl join our class whose family had just immigrated to the US, this must've been around 1991. She wasn't frum, but obviously that was a very special situation and not representative of the school or student body as a whole.

amother

Tue, Oct 26 2021, 11:46 pm

thank you all for your responses!

wow, wasn't expecting to have to duck for cover!

I honestly didn't know florida was considered so oot, so I really thought there would be a school that would be a school like I described. I apologize for my lack of knowledge!

I'm very open minded and welcoming to all types, non materialistic and all those things you prob think I'm not. it won't be me who is causing problems in your schools! I just wanted to know which would be the best fit for my kids.

and when I say watching movies.. im not referring to jewish or super clean classic movies. im referring to having a tv, or easy access to tv/movies/netflix type. I'm not living under a rock. but I also don't want my kids feeling like they need an iphone in 6th grade bc thats what the other kids have.

it's not so simple to say "good environment, right chinuch at home and it won't be a problem". as much as id like to agree.. its not something I'd say so simply.

I've been that kid in the mixed hashka school, where everyone is supposed to gravitate to the kids hashkafically like you. lucky for my parents, I was a goody good type and did as I should... can't say the same for the rest of my siblings. I will tell you that I was definitely exposed to waaaaay more than my parents even knew about. if they knew, they would have switched me into a more right wing/insular school. I wouldn't want my kids to be put into the situation I was in as a kid. its not so simple, especially in todays age of technology, to assume your kids won't pick up things from those more modern. again, I'm not talking about not being friendly and accepting (that is a given!) but I'm nervous to put my kids to the test. I could hear you don't mind if your kids are influenced by the frummer kids.. im not nervous to take the chance the other way.

perhaps florida isn't for me. but I want to research the schools and see if perhaps the "more modern" really is not that modern after all. it's a move I'd like to make if possible.

I send my kids now to a school that is if anything more to the right than I am b/c the alternatives don't appeal to me. but then again, we have choices hear that apparently don't exist in florida. and thats fine.

and please, don't continue with the "don't come here with your ny attitude". I came on her asking a real question. doesn't mean I would show up in your town or school and make problems b/c its "not like how it was in ny". some people make problems wherever they go. others don't.

what is the most to the right school? and what neighbrohoods would you suggest?