Please don't judge

amother

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 8:42 pm

Here or anywhere.

I let my kids do what they want sometimes because I know that if I do decide to discipline it will be me yelling so I choose their emotional health instead of discipline.

I let my kids watch videos during the week even though we really have an only weekend rule because I'm too tired and exhausted and don't feel well a lot of the time.

I stay with my kids till they fall asleep because I don't have the strength to handle them coming out and I know that they will fall asleep faster this way. Even though I have tried when I have had the energy to train them to sleep by themselves.

I don't train my ADHD kid to clean up after herself because right now I'm trying to make sure she is doing well in school and can self regulate and that takes up all her energy.

Just writing this because you never know why. Most of us are trying to do our best. We moms need to pick each other up and not put each other down.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 8:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Good idea.

I always felt like I had to be on top of every little mis-step my kids made because that was my role as mother, and this was the path to make sure they were being raised right and would turn out decent and functional adults.

When I complained to a well-known parenting expert about how hard it was for me, how stressful it was for me, how tiring it was for me, how soul-killing it was to always be after my kids like this, he looked at me and asked, "why do you have to notice everything they do? Try to mostly just notice the good stuff and pretend not to see most of the rest. Everyone will be happier. They'll still turn out great."

Life is infinitely better for all of us now.

amother

Poppy

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 8:58 pm

ME TOO.

quote="amother [ OP ]"]Here or anywhere.

I let my kids do what they want sometimes because I know that if I do decide to discipline it will be me yelling so I choose their emotional health instead of discipline.

I let my kids watch videos during the week even though we really have an only weekend rule because I'm too tired and exhausted and don't feel well a lot of the time.

I stay with my kids till they fall asleep because I don't have the strength to handle them coming out and I know that they will fall asleep faster this way. Even though I have tried when I have had the energy to train them to sleep by themselves.

I don't train my ADHD kid to clean up after herself because right now I'm trying to make sure she is doing well in school and can self regulate and that takes up all her energy.

Just writing this because you never know why. Most of us are trying to do our best. We moms need to pick each other up and not put each other down.[/quote]

amother

Honey

Wed, Oct 27 2021, 9:28 pm

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

When it comes to these things, a mother needs to be partially blind and deaf in one ear....

Anon cuz I say it often. Lol.

salt

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 3:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I let my kids watch videos during the week even though we really have an only weekend rule because I'm too tired and exhausted and don't feel well a lot of the time.

Just a question. Why don't you change the rule instead of saying I let them break the rule? It's your rule, you can make it what you want.
Rule is: when I say you can watch a video then you can.

imaima

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 3:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Who judges you for that if all these things happen in the privacy of your home?? How do people even know?

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 7:58 am

When DD was little, half the people around me said that I was too strict with her, and the other half said that I was too permissive.

It made me a nervous wreck!

Then one day I realized, that if they are so smart, let's see them take care of her for a week. That calmed me down a lot. Opinions are like elbows, just about everyone's got them. People need to keep their elbows to themselves.

Parents are complicated. Kids are complicated. There is no single right answer, on any given day. What works today could get thrown out the window tomorrow.

The best way to parent, IMHO, is to take each day as it comes, be flexible within reason, and learn to roll with the changes. Kids need some boundaries, but nothing should ever be carved in stone.

amother

Anemone

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 8:45 am

imaima wrote:

Who judges you for that if all these things happen in the privacy of your home?? How do people even know?

People on imamother! LOL

I really do think that imamother is absolutely the worst place to get parenting advice. According to ima, if you dont space your kids three years apart, dont give them each individual attention of at least 10 minutes a day, you don't buy your kid what everyone else has, you DO buy your kid what everyone else has - if you are not perfect in every way, your are an awful mother and your kids will spend the rest of their lives in therapy.

OP, I'm totally with you, here's to us imperfect parents Cheers

southernbubby

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 8:54 am

I got an interesting book from the library yesterday called Hand to Mouth by Linda Tirado which is a book about living in poverty. She writes the way she speaks which means that there is loads of profanity but she explains why poor people make what others view as bad decisions and why people who have more financial security should not sit in judgement.
It's a real eye opener because it just shows that we don't understand why people might behave a certain way unless we are in that exact situation ourselves.
You have to expect that the nosy parkers of the world will sit in judgement so that they can feel superior when in truth, they wouldn't do it any better.

imaima

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 2:36 am

amother [ Anemone ] wrote:

People on imamother! LOL

I do or have done most of these things but I don't stress because I don't advertise them and noone really cares to find out how I put my kids to bed or how much screen time they get.

What's the big deal?

amother

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 7:38 am

southernbubby wrote:

I love that last line!