When you don't like a student

amother

Zinnia

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 5:41 pm

amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:

I've been a teacher for a while and never had a student I don't like. I've had lots of challenging students and students that took a lot out of me but I love all of them. When a child enters my classroom I make a commitment never to give up on them and I do whatever I can to connect to each student in some way.

This thread is hilarious. No one likes to think that their own children are anything less than perfect, I assume, and we just blame the teacher? The things I've seen would curl your hair. Students screaming at teachers, students spitting at teachers, students telling teachers that the teacher's child must have some genetic disease (that poor woman, I can still see her face).

Teachers don't get paid enough. Which is why I quit teaching. Working 65 hours weeks for 5 cents an hour, only to get yelled at by parents why their kids didn't get an A+.

You're doing amazing, OP! Would a fellow teacher understand? What about last year's teacher? Sometimes they have a bit more perspective after an entire year of working with them. It's also helpful to vent, if they don't have any advice to give.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 7:40 pm

amother [ Zinnia ] wrote:

Look, we all need to vent sometimes. I vent about my own kids too, but I still love them. Granted, I've never had a student spit at me or insult my children, but I've been yelled at, had things thrown at me etc. Of course I get upset, but I also know it's a child in pain.

bigsis144

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 8:13 pm

amother [ Steelblue ] wrote:

I know what most teachers do these days. THERAPY! MEDS! Only perfect angels are loveable dont you know?

I thought at first that you were saying a good teacher should be in therapy, and I have no objections to that. Just like therapists have therapists, teaching is a job that takes a lot out of you and processing your challenges outside the classroom with a support figure sounds like a wise and self-aware thing to do.

And to reference your last line - it seems many people are demanding that only perfect angels be teachers too.

Wouldn’t it be so much easier if both teachers and students weren’t human?

amother

Stonewash

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 9:13 pm

Every honest teacher I know has admitted to having at least one or two students they just couldn't like. A decent teacher will do their best to overcome it (sometimes they can't) or at least not to show it. In close to 20 years of teaching I had maybe 2 kids I just couldn't like. One made me fear for my safety and worry about keeping the rest of the kids in the class safe. The other one would mutter comments under his breath about Jews (this was in a public school)--his mother was a stereotypical country Hill Billy type who made it clear she didn't like a Jewish teacher teaching her son.
I challenge any of the idealistic posters here to deal with students like those 2 and have no issues with liking them....

amother

Birch

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 10:29 pm

I teach middle school and I'm not perfect and of course there are kids that bug me (just like my own kids do sometimes!) But there have only been maybe 2 kids in the last 10+ years that I actively disliked, and that was because they did things to try to get me fired. (Now, looking back, one of those kid is probably a sociopath and I guess I can feel a little sympathy for his family...)

But anyway, my approach to "nudniks" depends on the kid, what they need, and what the class needs. When they're needy, I just try to help them get what they need and teach them some skills that will help them be more independent. When I have a kid that's really attention seeking in front of the class, I seat them in the back of the room so it's less disruptive to the class (take away their "stage" during lessons), but check in frequently during independent work and give them one-on-one attention when they need it, and give them opportunities to perform when it's appropriate (ex: sharing what they wrote out loud). TBH putting them in the back also keeps me from getting annoyed too frequently Smile

hope I'm not triggering anyone!

amother

Bluebonnet

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 10:32 pm

Zehava wrote:

You quit teaching

Ridiculous. Obviously you never taught. What op is describing is totally normal. We are human beings and sometimes different personalities are hard to deal with especially when the child repeatedly causes problems with an entire class.
Please, you, don’t be a therapist ever.

amother

DarkOrange

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 10:38 pm

Yes another above me!!! You don't quit!!

Zahava, do you quit parenting when you feel annoyed with some of your kids? No, you have to work through them.

Just as parenting is an avodas hamiddos, so is teaching.

Anonymous because I teach

esther7

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 10:39 pm

Didn't read the whole thread, but as a teacher, this is what I would do. I would separate the 3 traits that you mentioned.
Whining- I have very low tolerance for (though this depends a lot on the age you're teaching) I teach them how to rephrase things, use different tones of voice to communicate the same message to me, in a more pleasant way. Obviously this needs to be done with patience and care. But it's doable
Neediness- obviously there is a reason she need the extra attention. Find ways to give it to her, fill her need. It doesn't all have to come from you if it's too draining. Maybe a different staff member can help you out by forming a special relationship with her
Immaturity- not much advice on this one. It can be frustrating, but I try to remind myself, it's not her fault that this is who she is.
In general when there's things about a student that bother me I find it helpful and transformative to think
1) about how she is someone's daughter. Imagine if she was mine, how would I want the teacher to care for her?
2) find positive things about her and keep thinking about those things. Really helps shift my perspective
Good luck!

amother

Sapphire

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 10:51 pm

OP no time to read the thread. Good luck. You'll get there. Good for you for recognizing that you have to change and that it's important to find a way to like all the kids. btdt and I hope with time you won't even remember what drove you crazy about her

ETA: If she needs social skills you can do a chesed and h elp her get them. Does the school have a guidance counselor/social worker whose brain you can pick?

amother

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 10:55 pm

Thank you so much to everyone who validated me and/or gave constructive advice. I've gotten some really helpful ideas here.

I feel like this should be a closed forum for teachers only, honestly... I've read the stories people post here about horrible things teachers have done to them/their children so I get that someone who went through stuff like that could be extra sensitive and responding from a place of only seeing their own hurt and pain... but there's no reason a teacher should post about something she's struggling with and wants help improving in, and be told she should quit and students don't deserve her. It's not ok.

amother

Oldlace

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 11:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I agree with you. I was a teacher too and struggled with some students as well. The only thing I take issue with is the title.
Writing “I don’t like a student” invites negative judgement.
How about “struggling with a student”
“Need advice about difficult student”
“How do you deal with whiny student” etc.
But I really get you and commend you for looking for ways to improve the situation! Hatzlacha!

amother

Steelblue

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 11:47 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

you might not find it ok but its true. You dont like kids dont teach! And yes im a teacher I like ALL my children equally. Yes some take more out of me than others but they are all mine and friday night I daven for each one going down till my first class.

ValleyMom

Sat, Oct 30 2021, 11:58 pm

I follow ts ae old adage:

"IF you SPOT it... YOU GOT IT!"

Which loosely translates as...

If you find something very annoying in another person the odds are YOU, yourself are probably struggling with that very same character defect.

IF you find a student "annoying" because s/he whines, or complains or is negative you probably struggle with the same issues.

That being said I highly suggest you practice contrary action that means if a child is grating on your nerves go out of your way to be extra kind to that child.

Being extra gentle loving and kind toward that child will ultimately become a habit for you.

Children that act out do so for a reason.
As teachers we need to shower those "prickly" children with KINDNESS, tolerance and love.
The more love you show them the more lovable they will become.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Oct 31 2021, 7:24 am

Why are we jumping on OP? She is aware and working to fix it. Wouldn't you want to know that a teacher makes it a priority to like all kids, even the difficult ones? (Never mine of course but still.) Not everyone has the capacity or interest in doing that and THEY shouldn't be teaching, not OP.