Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Working Women
Full time working moms… HOW??
Previous  1  2  3



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 05 2021, 2:13 pm
Mommy1:) wrote:
Nothing wrong with teaching self-sufficiency and independence at a younger age. Makes them stronger and less reliant on others as they get older. I'd rather raise my kids to be strong and independent, then need someone to do everything for them. Both boys and girls.

I’d rather raise my kids to be emotionally healthy and to know when to ask for help than to be “strong” and “independent” both of which are often a trauma response, and a sign of lost trust and broken attachment.
Back to top

amother
Ebony


 

Post Fri, Nov 05 2021, 2:28 pm
Zehava wrote:
I’d rather raise my kids to be emotionally healthy and to know when to ask for help than to be “strong” and “independent” both of which are often a trauma response, and a sign of lost trust and broken attachment.


Why does setting healthy expectations and teaching skills EVERYONE needs to succeed in life (taking care of activities of daily living) equate to trauma and lost trust and broken attachment? I don't think it's healthy for a child to lack things they can be responsible for and control in childhood.

As an adult, I can look back and say that I wish my mother had taught me how to cook. She never let me in the kitchen and I still cannot cook or bake. She also "protected me" from laundry. And literally every other chore. When I got married I felt incapable and struggled so much.

It didn't have to be that way. And I don't want that for my children. I would rather teach them what they could learn now to be successful throughout life.
Back to top

amother
Natural


 

Post Fri, Nov 05 2021, 3:06 pm
Mommy1:) wrote:
Nothing wrong with teaching self-sufficiency and independence at a younger age. Makes them stronger and less reliant on others as they get older. I'd rather raise my kids to be strong and independent, then need someone to do everything for them. Both boys and girls.


I agree with this. And I also want to add that children are part of the household and can absolutely have responsibilities to contribute in age appropriate ways. There is no reason mom needs to do it all.

We can nitpick and go back forth all day what that might look like but I think the concept is a good one.
Back to top

amother
Sand


 

Post Fri, Nov 05 2021, 4:20 pm
amother [ Ebony ] wrote:
Why does setting healthy expectations and teaching skills EVERYONE needs to succeed in life (taking care of activities of daily living) equate to trauma and lost trust and broken attachment? I don't think it's healthy for a child to lack things they can be responsible for and control in childhood.

As an adult, I can look back and say that I wish my mother had taught me how to cook. She never let me in the kitchen and I still cannot cook or bake. She also "protected me" from laundry. And literally every other chore. When I got married I felt incapable and struggled so much.

It didn't have to be that way. And I don't want that for my children. I would rather teach them what they could learn now to be successful throughout life.

That's because you weren't parentified at a young age and you're idealizing the other extreme. Having children help too much can be just as unhealthy, if not more, than children helping too little. Life is funny that way Smile .

Those of us who have grown up this way have seen the other side. And it's not always pretty.
Back to top

amother
Sand


 

Post Fri, Nov 05 2021, 4:25 pm
amother [ Natural ] wrote:
I agree with this. And I also want to add that children are part of the household and can absolutely have responsibilities to contribute in age appropriate ways. There is no reason mom needs to do it all.

We can nitpick and go back forth all day what that might look like but I think the concept is a good one.

To me, the hardest part of working full time is not the housework. I agree that there are many tips and especially in twenty first century first world countries, with our washing machines and dishwashers, it's very doable.

To me the challenge of working full time is the fallout it can have on your kids emotional health. Children need parents - they need their attention, they need them to be there when they cry, when they laugh, when they're going through hard times, when they're sick. I don't see how any mother who is working 40+ hours a week with multiple children can possibly do all that. And IRL, I've noticed that there is almost as always some kind of fallout. And those here on ima who claim that there's not, well.... maybe you're the exception. I would be very happy to hear if you are.
Back to top

amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Fri, Nov 05 2021, 5:20 pm
I am contemplating going back to work while dh is in school but health insurance is half my paycheck! What do people do? Trying to figure out how it makes sense for some mothers to work financially...
Back to top

amother
Chocolate


 

Post Fri, Nov 05 2021, 5:34 pm
amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:
I am contemplating going back to work while dh is in school but health insurance is half my paycheck! What do people do? Trying to figure out how it makes sense for some mothers to work financially...


How are you living now if neither of you are working?
Back to top

amother
Banana


 

Post Sat, Nov 06 2021, 6:40 pm
zaq wrote:
If you want to enjoy a life of leisure, don't have kids. But if you intend to keep having kids for 20 years, you're not in survival mode the whole time if you teach your kids to do household chores when they're little. By the time they're tweens they should be pulling their own weight to a good extent. An 8 year old can run a washer; a six-year-old can fold and put away laundry; a 13-year-old can do basic cooking and ironing. A three year old can sort laundry into dark and light and a two year old can put his toys away and carry things from the room where they are to the room where they belong--you have to tell him which room, of course. A six-to- eight-year-old can run a vacuum or mop a floor and make his bed.Not as well as you can, but this is chinuch. It's called a "learning curve."

I don't suggest having a five-year-old peel vegetables but he can scrub them. The eight-year-old can peel them and the twelve-year-old can grate them or you can run the food processor. A twelve-year-old can make salad.


Wow, I have/had kids all these ages, and I really can't imagine them doing all these chores you've listed at those ages. For so many different reasons. My children actually help plenty but not in the sense that I need to rely on them to do specific chores in order for the home to function. If I did it would probably entail too much nagging and bribing and begging and reminding to be worth it for me. But I admire families who can manage this while still keeping a calm pleasant home.

To op, it's really hard. I don't think there is any secret to it, you have a lot on your plate. I have a 6 month old plus a bunch of older ones, I work part time, and it's still hard. And for me the older the kids get the harder it gets, somehow juggling everyone's different needs when they are at different ages and stages is way more overwhelming than when they were all pretty much at the same stage.
Back to top

amother
Pearl


 

Post Sat, Nov 06 2021, 9:02 pm
It's Saturday night and I'm cleaning the bathrooms and got a load of laundry in Smile #thisishowIdoit. My kids are very young so hopefully I'll get them to do more around the house as they get older, but I have a feeling the bathrooms will still be my job. I actually like winter shabbosim because I can get some chores done and have some fun time after the kids go to bed.
Back to top

amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Sat, Nov 06 2021, 9:34 pm
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
How are you living now if neither of you are working?


He has been working until now to support us.
Back to top

zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 06 2021, 10:13 pm
amother [ Banana ] wrote:
Wow, I have/had kids all these ages, and I really can't imagine them doing all these chores you've listed at those ages. For so many different reasons. My children actually help plenty but not in the sense that I need to rely on them to do specific chores in order for the home to function. If I did it would probably entail too much nagging and bribing and begging and reminding to be worth it for me. But I admire families who can manage this while still keeping a calm pleasant home.

.


My kids did all this and they are not scarred. I did all this at a younger age than my own kids, mainly because I asked! My sibs were in school all day, I was home and bored, and anything Mom did seemed exciting. What can I say, I was a dumb kid with no imagination.

But transitioning from living at home to running my own home held no terrors for me; I had already possessed the necessary skills for a long time. It’s just too bad my dad didn’t teach me basic home repairs the way Mom taught me basic housework. It would have been convenient to know how to fix a leaky faucet myself instead of having to wait for the super to get around to it.

We treated chores matter of factly from the get go: You brush your teeth, you take a bath, you do your schoolwork, you do your housework. It wasn’t as if they were slaving over a hot iron for three hours a day. We had a Friday afternoon chore wheel and the chores rotated weekly. If Avi did a bad job on the kitchen floor one week, Gavi did a better job (maybe) the following week or Chavi did the week after. Mealtimes there was also a wheel: set table, clear table, do dishes. Did they do a great job? Of course not. Some were better than others and they improved with practice.

No, there was no nagging because it was just taken for granted that this is how our household works. The kids understood that it was simply not possible for Mommy to do everything and they had responsibilities. It’s not a bad thing for children to learn responsibility at an early age.

If you observe any good preschool you’ll see that the children do a great deal of cleanup that they probably don’t do at home. Of course the schoolroom is set up in a way that facilitates this: dedicated cubbies for different toys, a dedicated cubby for each child, everything child-sized and clearly marked.

I think my dc got a great sense of pride in the fact that they were actively contributing to the well-being of the household, and I know my daughters-in-law are grateful to have husbands who know their way around a mop and broom.

It’s not rocket science; it’s basic chinuch, just like teaching them to say please and thank you and brush their teeth and say Shma.
Back to top

amother
Azalea


 

Post Sat, Nov 06 2021, 10:52 pm
amother [ Sand ] wrote:
Wow, I have no idea how you read that into what she said.

I agree with the other poster, I personally do not know anyone who works full time (past the early two/three children stage) without lots and lots of support. (Oh, ok, once the kids are in school, maybe....). It may be we live in different communities, but it is just as close minded to assume that everyone is the same as you (you and your sisters/friends) as it is for us to assume that everyone is the same as us. We live in pretty big communities with thousands and thousands of families, so I think her point stands.

I'm sorry you worked so hard and it sounds impossible. My sincerest sympathies, I hope things are better for you now Angel .


I made no assumptions about anyone else; the pp did. She said she doesn’t know anyone who works FT and doesn’t have full time help. Her tone wasn’t one of “this is what we do in my affluent community” it was “I don’t believe that anyone does this and those who are complaining are exaggerating, they don’t really work full time.” I’m here to tell her there are most definitely such people, and as you can see from other posts I’m not alone in this.

IDK why some people are unwilling to admit that other people might just happen to work harder and manage better than they do. We don’t all sing, drive, write or parent equally well; why should we expect that we would all manage our time and our households equally well?
Back to top

amother
Azalea


 

Post Sat, Nov 06 2021, 11:04 pm
HavaNagila wrote:
I'm still trying to figure out how people who work full time afford the full time childcare. Like how much are you making an hour to make it worth it??
Banging head

Some of us work for the fringe benefits like health insurance and a pension. We also work because if we quit and stayed home, it would be murder getting a job in our field after being out of the work force for years. We’re not working just for the money we make right now but building equity in our jobs, accumulating seniority, eligibility for promotion, service credit toward a pension and social security, and other pluses like extra vacation days that you accrue only by working for X years. Who wants to be 45 and looking for an entry-level job, especially if you invested time and money pursuing an advanced degree?
Back to top

amother
Dimgray


 

Post Sun, Nov 07 2021, 7:51 am
I can relate very well! Been doing this for years. The way I manage is to have my newborns nearby and nurse or just cuddle during my lunch break, and ask if you can leave for another short amount of time. Is that an option for you? My work was understanding of that and it helped with my newborns.
For older kids, its hard coming home after them. I just go day by day and give each one whatever I can. Some days are better than others. When they go to sleep, I while I give myself a half hour of quiet/unwinding time and then I spend some time with my teens. Cleaning help is critical! When I prep supper in advance, I feel like a superhero!
Back to top
Page 3 of 3 Previous  1  2  3 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Working Women

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Struggling Full Time Working Mama
by amother
5 Yesterday at 9:40 pm View last post
Working Mom Dinner Ideas 9 Yesterday at 6:17 pm View last post
Any awesome instagram accts for moms of autistic children?
by amother
5 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 1:26 pm View last post
Full renovation cost?
by amother
16 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 9:39 am View last post
Moms into fitness ?
by amother
1 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 1:32 am View last post