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"Needing" Chizuk- Vent

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:10 pm
I understand that learning your baby will need glasses/helmet/anything is hard but I get so frustrated at posts like that. I know, everyone is entitled to feel the way they feel but-my baby had major open heart surgery! I have friends who have kids with serious issues.... That's when you NEED chizuk! Again, I know people are entitled to their feelings, it's just hard to see people care so much about minor things- it could be SO much worse!! I wish people had a little perspective.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:11 pm
It could always be worse. There's no correlation between how 'objectively' bad something is and whether a person needs chizuk. That's very individual.
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Blessing1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:13 pm
A situation can always be worse than it is. There will always be people in worse situations then we are in. This doesn't mean that the little things are not hard on us and that we don't deserve chizzuk for the little things that bother us. Others having bigger challenges, does not negate our little challenges. What's a big challenge for one, is nothing for the other.
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amother




Navy
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:15 pm
Someone’s bigger challenge doesn’t make their small challenge not difficult for them to navigate. If they came on a thread about open heart surgery and cried about a helmet you would have a point. But starting their own thread doesn’t take away from you and it really shouldn’t bother you.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:19 pm
amother [ Navy ] wrote:
Someone’s bigger challenge doesn’t make their small challenge not difficult for them to navigate. If they came on a thread about open heart surgery and cried about a helmet you would have a point. But starting their own thread doesn’t take away from you and it really shouldn’t bother you.


I just think if ur going to say to me 'it really shouldn't bother you' then u can say that to someone who is going through a minor issue. My point was just venting. I know people are entitled to their smaller issues. And still, it's hard to see...which is what I said. I made a point of syaing people are entitled to their feelings.
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Blessing1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:25 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I just think if ur going to say to me 'it really shouldn't bother you' then u can say that to someone who is going through a minor issue. My point was just venting. I know people are entitled to their smaller issues. And still, it's hard to see...which is what I said. I made a point of syaing people are entitled to their feelings.


I understand where you're coming from and why you're feeling this way.
Why is it hard for you to see people needing chizzuk about little things? I think this is something you need to explore and change try to change your perspective.
Imagine if someone that has lost a child rachmana litzlon would vent to you "how can you complain that your child had surgery, my child passed away."
Our big challenges, don't negate others little challenges.


Last edited by Blessing1 on Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:34 pm; edited 3 times in total
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amother




Peony
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:26 pm
I hear you OP and agree. Some threads surprise me... that glasses one especially. I grew up with sick siblings who were in the hospital with months on end and live with significant medical issues that need to to constantly dealt with.... and people are so concerned and sympathetic about a baby wearing glasses!? Of all things... halevai...
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Blessing1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:31 pm
amother [ Peony ] wrote:
I hear you OP and agree. Some threads surprise me... that glasses one especially. I grew up with sick siblings who were in the hospital with months on end and live with significant medical issues that need to to constantly dealt with.... and people are so concerned and sympathetic about a baby wearing glasses!? Of all things... halevai...


I'm going to get a bit personal here. My 1st 2 kids are a year apart. My younger one was born with some health issues and had surgeries and hospitalization for the 1st 2 years of her life. When my baby was afew months old, my older baby needed physical therapy for something & the doctor told me that she'll need to wear a brace.I took it quite hard, even if I had bigger challenges with my baby. Both were challenging to me. Bh the issue was resolved with aggressive physical therapy and she did not need braces in the end, but just the thought of her needing the braces was alot for me. If someone would have told me why I'm complaining about something so small, I'd have been very hurt.
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amother




Black
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:36 pm
It is good to have some perspective, like OP says. My baby has a very minor issue for which I have to take him to the Children's Hospital every 3 months to get checked. I worry about him because I'm his mom and I love him. But every time I take him for his checkup, I see so many children with serious issues and disabilities and I am so grateful to only be there for my one little issue.
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Blessing1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:39 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
It is good to have some perspective, like OP says. My baby has a very minor issue for which I have to take him to the Children's Hospital every 3 months to get checked. I worry about him because I'm his mom and I love him. But every time I take him for his checkup, I see so many children with serious issues and disabilities and I am so grateful to only be there for my one little issue.


We can be greatful that our issues are little bh while needing chizzuk at the same time. Both can go together.
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amother




Black
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:41 pm
Blessing1 wrote:
We can be greatful that our issues are little bh while needing chizzuk at the same time. Both can go together.

I agree. I just prefer to see OP's post as an opportunity to remind myself to have perspective. Rather than an opportunity to reaffirm my right to chizzuk (which I also think is valid).
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amother




Navy
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I just think if ur going to say to me 'it really shouldn't bother you' then u can say that to someone who is going through a minor issue. My point was just venting. I know people are entitled to their smaller issues. And still, it's hard to see...which is what I said. I made a point of syaing people are entitled to their feelings.


Just btw I did comment on the glasses thread saying it really wasn’t a big deal.
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amother




Maroon
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 12:53 pm
I get you OP. I have a SN child with serious medical conditions and those threads (esp the glasses one!!!) was super painful for me. So I bit my tongue .
My SN child had a helmet too and that was literally the simplest thing I had to do so I really do get it.
Why should someone have my problems to feel like theirs is insignificant? Everyone has their issues and eventhough it hurts , I think it’s easiest to look the other way.
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 1:01 pm
I hear you, OP. I sometimes have to take a breath and sit on my hands when I see those posts too.

But the thing is, if someone is posting that they NEED chizuk - they need the chizuk. It could be this person is not so strong, it could be they have mental health challenges, or it could be they are going through other unrelated things in life and this seemingly small thing is just that last thing that broke the camels back.
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amother




Dahlia
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 1:16 pm
Everyone needs chizuk, even those with no problems. It is human nature. I have gone through horrific abuse that most people could not even imagine but I am happy to share chizuk for people who just woke up tired or don't have milk in the fridge. It helps me understand that I am deserving of chizuk too and it is healing for me to see people need chizuk for regular things too and not just extreme abuse.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 2:55 pm
I didn't read the other threads so I may be off. But sometimes people needing Chizzuk for what we deem the "small" things, maybe it's really their emotional state, or the way their life is going right now that they need Chizzuk for. And it's just that this "small" thing is something that just came up, and added to their pekkl and they are finding it hard to heal with.
I remember when I was going through a health issue and I gained weight on top of that, the weight gain literally threw me off. Of course my health issue was scarier and a much bigger situation, but it was the weight gain that caused me to go over the edge and what I needed Chizzuk for at that point.
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behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 3:02 pm
Mostly we feel this way when we haven't given ourselves enough love, empathy, care. When we're depleted. Yes I get you. We all feel this way sometimes about different things.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 3:18 pm
Re the glasses thread, which I didn't see.

You know that thread about how saying you must be young is patronizing? Well, I bet that OP was young. And now she's growing up. Let's be the kind grownups whose doors she feels comfortable knocking on. In a year she'll look back and realize how much she matured.
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amother




Blushpink
 

Post Fri, Nov 12 2021, 3:52 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I understand that learning your baby will need glasses/helmet/anything is hard but I get so frustrated at posts like that. I know, everyone is entitled to feel the way they feel but-my baby had major open heart surgery! I have friends who have kids with serious issues.... That's when you NEED chizuk! Again, I know people are entitled to their feelings, it's just hard to see people care so much about minor things- it could be SO much worse!! I wish people had a little perspective.
My baby had open heart surgery (and much more) and I would still care if they needed to wear glasses .

Also, if going through really serious taught me not to sweat the small stuff (it didn’t really, it sometimes makes the small stuff feel so much bigger. Like, on top of everything else, but if it did) it would only be because I went through it myself. So I would totally understand someone who hasn’t gone through it feeling like what they’re going through is huge. It is. For them.
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