Home

Child slapped- don’t know next step

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 1:27 pm
I’m totally floored and don’t know how to be objective because I grew up in an abusive house and lived in fear.
My husband disciplined my son by slapping him. He was angry and lost control. My son did something awful but nothing deserves physical discipline in my opinion.
He is a wonderful, a generally gentle persona and has spanked once or twice in the last 12 years but this is more intense than that.
I freaked out and told him I’d rather he leave than put his hands on a child. He is very mad at me now.
My question is can a man make a bad choice this one time and it not be indicative of a worsening problem?
Have your husbands lost their temper once or twice?
Back to top

torquoise




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 1:33 pm
If it only happened once or twice in 12 years, I don't think it's a problem to worry about. Especially if you told dh and he knows you don't tolerate it. If it's happening regularly, you can ask a Rav or therapist for help on how to deal with it.
It may be wrong, but I don't think it's unheard of for a child to get a "patch".
Back to top

hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 1:35 pm
It happens. Reflect on the incident and don't let it get that close again.
Back to top

amother




Camellia
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 2:44 pm
I think you are overreacting OP.
I would also be super mad if my spouse told that to me if/when I have a lapse in judgement once in 12 years.
Back to top

amother




Pewter
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 2:45 pm
There is literally nothing wrong here. Calm down.
Back to top

amother




Peony
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 3:16 pm
Choseich shivto sonei bno.
Back to top

mushkamothers




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 4:39 pm
amother [ Peony ] wrote:
Choseich shivto sonei bno.


Um no. Not in 2021 sorry.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 4:42 pm
torquoise wrote:
If it only happened once or twice in 12 years, I don't think it's a problem to worry about. Especially if you told dh and he knows you don't tolerate it. If it's happening regularly, you can ask a Rav or therapist for help on how to deal with it.
It may be wrong, but I don't think it's unheard of for a child to get a "patch".



More than a patch. A slap on the face that
Left finger marks hours later
Back to top

amother




Pewter
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 4:43 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
More than a patch. A slap on the face that
Left finger marks hours later


A hard slap is going to leave finger marks an hour later. Your husband lost himself, once or twice or three times. It is ok. Things like this happen. Unless it is going on regularly don't worry. Your child won't even care unless you make an issue of it.
Back to top

amother




Tomato
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 4:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
More than a patch. A slap on the face that
Left finger marks hours later


For me, a slap on the face is a line crossed. It's so humiliating. I'd have a very firm but respectful discussion with DH that it can never happen again.
A slap should never be out of anger and losing the temper.
Back to top

amother




Impatiens
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 4:50 pm
amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
A hard slap is going to leave finger marks an hour later. Your husband lost himself, once or twice or three times. It is ok. Things like this happen. Unless it is going on regularly don't worry. Your child won't even care unless you make an issue of it.


Ask anyone here who was slapped as a child, how they still feel about it years later.
Back to top

Genius




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 4:52 pm
amother [ Impatiens ] wrote:
Ask anyone here who was slapped as a child, how they still feel about it years later.

Once in 12 years and the child knows they deserved it? Nah.
Back to top

kenz




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 5:03 pm
amother [ Impatiens ] wrote:
Ask anyone here who was slapped as a child, how they still feel about it years later.

I was potched as a child. It doesn’t bother me at all. Times were different then and it’s how my parents were raised. Yes, I worked on myself not to do the same, but I certainly wasn’t damaged for life.
Back to top

amother




DarkMagenta
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 5:04 pm
I don't think it's necessarily indicative of an underlying issue of your husband's. However, it is still very upsetting. I think the best way for everyone to heal from this is for you to explain to your husband why it is so scary for you that this happened. And your husband should apologize to your child and say that he lost his temper and it won't happen again. That will fix things with your son, your husband and hopefully yourself. Also try to remember that your husband probably feels horrible about this and that's why he's acting defensive.
Back to top

amother




Pewter
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 5:05 pm
amother [ Impatiens ] wrote:
Ask anyone here who was slapped as a child, how they still feel about it years later.


I was slapped daily as a child sometimes to blood. One slap every few years would have been golden.
Back to top

amother




Tomato
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 5:06 pm
kenz wrote:
I was potched as a child. It doesn’t bother me at all. Times were different then and it’s how my parents were raised. Yes, I worked on myself not to do the same, but I certainly wasn’t damaged for life.


I was very seldom slapped as a child. I still remember the humiliation from the very few times it did happen. I remember still as a child that I vowed to myself that I'll never slap a child.
Back to top

amother




Caramel
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 5:10 pm
mushkamothers wrote:
Um no. Not in 2021 sorry.


Huh?
Do you believe that torah advice expires?
Back to top

mushkamothers




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 15 2021, 5:28 pm
amother [ Caramel ] wrote:
Huh?
Do you believe that torah advice expires?


I believe we interpret it according to our times. The very definition of an eitz chayim. And so in 2021 we understand the rod to mean discipline not a literal belt buckle.
BTW, do you also nurse your baby to age 2 and then throw him a weaning party?

Anyways to answer OP. Not shalom bayis advice but in terms of your child, discuss the incident with him (or have your husband do so) and apologize.
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Desperate for a child
by amother
16 Today at 11:36 pm View last post
MIT scientist - don’t vaccinate children
by amother
10 Today at 7:24 pm View last post
Don’t be mad- I’m thinking about costumes
by amother
0 Yesterday at 9:38 pm View last post
Why don’t more people sell sheitels on Amazon?
by amother
1 Yesterday at 8:11 pm View last post
How do I help my child socially?
by amother
2 Yesterday at 1:53 am View last post