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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Nov 18 2021, 5:06 pm
I have a tendency to to go to sleep very late, and am then tired in the morning. BH lately I've been getting up early, and hope to continue doing so. I also have problems with coming late to work, and with organization and doing tasks. I have children with similar struggles. I've been dabbling in the 12 step program Underearners Anonymous, which addresses some of my issues. With guidance from my therapist (who does not think I have ADHD), I have also identified a mental block to preparing early. Would love to "blame" it on ADHD (and perhaps get meds that will "fix" me), but wonder if that's just a copout.
Can someone explain: What's the difference between ADHD and just plain lack of self-discipline or bad middos? Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe its because my mother was a bit neglectful and negligent in providing discipline? She also did not *model* proper discipline, so that again begs the first question - ADHD or neglect from her own parents (which there was)?
Maybe the cycle is in reverse from the way we understand it: poor sleep causes inattention, rather than vice versa?
Don't mean to hurt or insult anyone, just trying to figure this out.
Thanks.
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amother
Zinnia
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Thu, Nov 18 2021, 6:37 pm
I’m a big believer in that behavior is brain based. We are our neurology. I don’t believe in just lazy. Dopamine is the motivation neurotransmitters. If someone has a hard time getting motivated chances are they have a dopamine issue. Often When you start learning about other dopamine stuff, suddenly everything starts making sense.
Along the same vein I believe even what we call nurture has a strong brain based component. Using your example, parents who don’t discipline may themselves struggle with certain brain based things, and the children who struggle with the same, yes, they didn’t learn those behaviors but they likely inherited those same imbalances. That’s why you have the children who pick it up on their own, because theyre wired that way. And you see the children from disciplined homes that are just not disciplineable (were obviously being super simplistic here but you get the drift). I see this over and over again by keenly observing patterns.
About sleep and inattention, it can go both ways, yes they exacerbate each other, but at the same time they are both only symptoms, the unifying cause being a third factor; neurotransmitter issues. while most people don’t lose an adhd dx by taking melatonin or other sleep aids, I have seen people lose both adhd and insomnia by addressing neurotransmitter issues.
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amother
Topaz
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Thu, Nov 18 2021, 6:39 pm
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How are neurotransmitter issues addressed? Buy who? At what cost?
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amother
Zinnia
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Thu, Nov 18 2021, 6:42 pm
| amother [ Topaz ] wrote: | | How are neurotransmitter issues addressed? Buy who? At what cost? | Psychotropic medication obviously, but that only helps on the most superficial level. Ideally, a functional medicine approach is best, at the very least just for testing. But people also go off of symptoms, and trial and error with supplements. Can be a more educated trial and error if you do a lot of reading. Sometimes the neurotransmitter issues start way downstream in the gut, in the immune system, in the thyroid, adrenals, vagus nerve, methylation pathways, etc. Constitutional homeopathy can be another way to approach this, some people feel like craniosacral is really good for just balancing all kinds of things out.
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PSmommy
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Thu, Nov 18 2021, 6:46 pm
I don't have anything to add unfortunately, but my husband is the same way. He also has OCD and occasional depression.
We tried a few things and nothing is working so I'm working if it's a lack of discipline and laziness.
But it's literally ruining our lives.
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amother
Zinnia
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Thu, Nov 18 2021, 6:54 pm
| PSmommy wrote: | I don't have anything to add unfortunately, but my husband is the same way. He also has OCD and occasional depression.
We tried a few things and nothing is working so I'm working if it's a lack of discipline and laziness.
But it's literally ruining our lives. | I’m sorry  OCD is so so hard to live with. If you’re ever interested in pursuing a root cause approach I can point you to some reading material.
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PSmommy
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Thu, Nov 18 2021, 7:10 pm
| amother [ Zinnia ] wrote: | | I’m sorry OCD is so so hard to live with. If you’re ever interested in pursuing a root cause approach I can point you to some reading material. |
Thank you so much. I'm definitely interested in learning about that.
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Rubies
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Thu, Nov 18 2021, 7:41 pm
I think what we consider adhd is definitely not just a lack of discipline or boundaries it's deeper.
Yet, positive habits, boundaries, sleep, healthy eating, awareness of patterns will definitely have a huge positive effect. Sometimes to the point of the adhd not being noticeable.
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amother
Zinnia
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Thu, Nov 18 2021, 8:01 pm
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amother
Zinnia
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Thu, Nov 18 2021, 8:06 pm
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