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New diamond earrings - is it fair to buy?
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 1:30 am
I'm a 40 yrs old Stahm. My husband works hard, and I live very modestly. I hate clothes shopping, and usually manage to look simple and presentable.

We just about cover and I try mostly spending for my kids rather than myself. Im happy with what I have.

I am nearing marrying off my kids, plus bar mitzvas, and I would love ( not need) real gold diamond earrings. I have an old fashioned pair from when I got married, hurts my ear, outta style...I tried trading in, its not worth much, and I can make a ring out of the flower..

I dont care so much for the diamond to be real, I do want though 14k. I checked out good imitations, but saw nothing I loved. Additionally, spending $100 on fake is not worth it.

OTOH, life is so short and I dont feel like spending on myself. I usually feel guilty when I buy anything, especially bc we dont have extra.

Is this considered a luxury or norm? Again, Im happy either way...
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amother
Tan


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 2:42 am
I am in a similar situation. I bought myself a pair of large diamond studs last year with my stimulus money. I love them.

Don't feel guilty. Go for it!
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 3:40 am
It doesn't matter whether it is a luxury or normal. If you don't have the money, it is irresponsible to spend it.

If this is something that is important to you, do some research and find the general price range of what you like. Then start saving whenever you have some money to spare. In time it will mount up, and you'll be able to buy them without feeling guilty.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 3:51 am
If you have the money for it there’s no need to feel guilty.
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 9:25 am
Its not like I have the 'extra' money, as there's always tons of expenses. My husband/teens tell me to allow myself something. I finally got a decent shaitel (for very good price), so I'm unsure where to draw the line.
Saving is a good idea. Im only afraid it will go towards something else...
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 9:28 am
It sounds as if they really don't have the money. OP says they "barely make it" financially. Of course, we don't know what that means. One ima's "barely making it" means "we never know if we'll be able to pay the grocer this month or not" while another's is "we were able to put only $5000 in our IRAs this year, not the full $6000."
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amother
Rose


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 9:34 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Its not like I have the 'extra' money, as there's always tons of expenses. My husband/teens tell me to allow myself something. I finally got a decent shaitel (for very good price), so I'm unsure where to draw the line.
Saving is a good idea. Im only afraid it will go towards something else...


Make an envelope that's only for that.
Don't count it as money that's even there, and save up.
I did that for a shaitel, and then for earrings.
When I calculate my finances, that $1000 is not part of the money we have. (It's not ours, it's the jewelers LOL) every time I was tempted to get a little something for even $5-10, and held myself back, I added it, putting it towards something larger. The money added up, slowly slowly, and I was able to buy it with zero guilt, because even though I couldn't add it it our regular budget, I was able to save the money slowly.
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amother
Razzmatazz


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 9:36 am
I think you should buy them.
You and your husband both work hard and it sounds like you'll both be happy if you treat yourself.
Earrings is on the face and quite noticeable. Diamond earrings are a classic, you can use them for weddings shabbos afternoon and for grocery shopping as well.
I think it's important to take care of feeling good and looking good and for kids to see that Mommy isn't feeling guilty or deprived.
(Otherwise they won't want such a life)
It's nice to only spend mostly on kids but everything in good measure.
If you had to borrow money that's another story but if you can put it into the budget somehow I think it's a good idea.
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amother
Hunter


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 9:42 am
There are lab grown diamonds that are sold for about 40 percent cheaper then regular diamonds. See if you can get earrings with lab grown diamonds in them and it will be cheaper.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 9:54 am
Don't think in terms of fair/ unfair. It's not a moral question. If they will bring you pleasure, and if you aren't going to be neglecting necessary bills/ expenses by buying them - enjoy in good health without guilt.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 10:09 am
In the economic situation you are describing I would not personally splurge on "real" jewelry.

You don't have discretionary income since you state you are just making it.

How much do you think the earrings would cost?

I also don't believe that there are no attractive "costume" jewelry earrings available that are affordable. There is a universe of costume jewelry available in every conceivable style.

My experience is that I am more likely to find beautiful costume jewelry than "real" jewelry unless I am looking at obscenely expensive "real" jewelry.

While I agree in theory that one should not deprive oneself of every pleasure, at least to me there are lovely alternatives to real jewelry in your circumstances.

While one can't tell another person what to splurge on, if I were to splurge it would be on something that couldn't be duplicated. It might be for a pair of good shoes because they are comfortable as well as beautiful and long lasting and I would get more pleasure from expensive shoes.

I have been on on every economic level - poor, middle class and richer than most people and I would never had felt the need to splurge on a pair of real earrings when I didn't have lots of discretionary income.
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amother
Razzmatazz


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 10:12 am
amother [ Hunter ] wrote:
There are lab grown diamonds that are sold for about 40 percent cheaper then regular diamonds. See if you can get earrings with lab grown diamonds in them and it will be cheaper.

Omg This is such a good idea! Dh got me a piece of jewelry like that for our 18th anniversary, it's stunning!!
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amother
Rainbow


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 10:21 am
I would get it. You and dh work hard, you don't live irresponsibly. You don't need to deprive yourself to prove virtue. We are in a similar financial situation and stage of life, but I always make sure I look and feel good. I don't spend irresponsibly it extravagantly, but neither will I dress in a way that I would feel bad and just "make do". I also get real jewelery every year. (Not taking thousands and thousands of dollars...you can get a nice pair of diamond earring, not nec studs, for around $1500.)
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amother
Olive


 

Post Fri, Nov 19 2021, 1:14 pm
I got gorgeous lab grown diamonds 14k gold earrings for about $700. It doesn't have to cost thousands. I love them and wear them every day.

If you can manage to afford them then buy something simple and reasonable and enjoy.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Nov 20 2021, 8:07 pm
amother [ Copper ] wrote:
In the economic situation you are describing I would not personally splurge on "real" jewelry.

You don't have discretionary income since you state you are just making it.

How much do you think the earrings would cost?

I also don't believe that there are no attractive "costume" jewelry earrings available that are affordable. There is a universe of costume jewelry available in every conceivable style.

My experience is that I am more likely to find beautiful costume jewelry than "real" jewelry unless I am looking at obscenely expensive "real" jewelry.

While I agree in theory that one should not deprive oneself of every pleasure, at least to me there are lovely alternatives to real jewelry in your circumstances.

While one can't tell another person what to splurge on, if I were to splurge it would be on something that couldn't be duplicated. It might be for a pair of good shoes because they are comfortable as well as beautiful and long lasting and I would get more pleasure from expensive shoes.

I have been on on every economic level - poor, middle class and richer than most people and I would never had felt the need to splurge on a pair of real earrings when I didn't have lots of discretionary income.


Even though I need good shoes (my feet are terrible) I never had a pair that lasted me more than a year. I literally kill them.

Earrings can last forever (unless ch"v) lost. I'm planning to only wear it for shabbos, yomtov, and simchos I will be making.

I wasn't even referring to real diamonds, or lab grown, even cz would be ok. I really care it should be real gold. Somehow I see the difference and it will not discolor after a while.

By barely covering, I mean we cover on a lower scale, but don't really have for extras. I see earrings as a want, not a need.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Sat, Nov 20 2021, 8:14 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Even though I need good shoes (my feet are terrible) I never had a pair that lasted me more than a year. I literally kill them.

Earrings can last forever (unless ch"v) lost. I'm planning to only wear it for shabbos, yomtov, and simchos I will be making.

I wasn't even referring to real diamonds, or lab grown, even cz would be ok. I really care it should be real gold. Somehow I see the difference and it will not discolor after a while.

By barely covering, I mean we cover on a lower scale, but don't really have for extras. I see earrings as a want, not a need.

If all you care about is 14k, you can get for a couple hundred dollars or less. Much less.
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amother
Aster


 

Post Sat, Nov 20 2021, 8:18 pm
amother [ Razzmatazz ] wrote:
Omg This is such a good idea! Dh got me a piece of jewelry like that for our 18th anniversary, it's stunning!!


is it just as sparkly as real diamonds? do they lose their sparkle (I find costume jewerly sparkles for a few months and thats it)
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Librarian




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 20 2021, 8:32 pm
Go for it. Like you said, life is short
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sub




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 20 2021, 8:46 pm
May I suggest silver instead of gold?
Silver is a precious metal that has quality and can be beautiful.
I really wanted a cuff bracelet but did not want to spend on gold. I bought a silver with cz for about 300$ I have received compliments galore.
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Batsheva1




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 20 2021, 8:49 pm
I understand your want but now doesn't seem like the right time. Don't tell yourself no, just give yourself a few more years. You're not so old at 40. I am saying this because I had the same want. I got my diamond studs eventually, but I was a little older - close to 50. Still not too old to have many years to wear and enjoy them. I'm not saying wait till you're 90. Now just doesn't seem like the right time.
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