Experienced moms please advise, son will not respect rebbe

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Lily

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 9:33 am

shaqued_almond wrote:

I don't have a teen boy but I was that sort of kid who always questioned authority. My son is 5 now but I can already see him heading this way. What made me appreciate it a little better was seeing my teachers as people and understanding the limitations of my knowledge. Ask his Rebbe if your ds can get more responsibilities in the class. This could help him understand the amount of work that goes into lesson planning. Another thing your son needs to learn is that respect is a two way street. If he disrespects someone, they will disrespect him. Also, sit down with your son and go over different scenarios; how did he behave? What would happen if he behaved differently? How would others respond to that? There's a difference between "back-talk" and asking questions to understand. Give him some examples so that he knows what to do.

All good points. I just want to add what has worked for my and my kids. I play the what if game with them. What if you were the rebbe and planned a siyum for the class. How would you feel if one kid decides to push away the plan and mess with the siyum by doing his own thing. Or if you were the rebbe, do you think you can come up with a perfect siyum that would make every one of the 30 boys happy. Or if you were the rebbe what would you think of the boy who is chuptzah'dig and rude? If a boy is not happy with your plan, as a rebbe how would you want him to handle it. etc..

This has them put the shoe on the other foot and think about the situation differently.

ValleyMom

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 11:50 am

As a teacher I will say this:

Teaching is NOT about imparting information it is really about building relationships.

Building relationships with the students
students building relationships with each other.
And finally building relationships with parents.

Once these three are firmly established and children feel loved, cared for and SAFE their brains will be open to receiving information.

Establishing a solid relationship with all the students is KEY to classroom managements.
Generally speaking this takes at least six weeks of school.

amother

Maize

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 11:54 am

ValleyMom wrote:

If you're basing this off the Torah can you please give sources?

mha3484

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 11:59 am

I agree with Valley Mom. I have a very very smart kid. He respects authority just fine because he really likes his rebbeim. They create a culture of caring about the boys and that the boys should all get along with each other.

amother

Maize

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 12:01 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Where does smart come in here?
But my smarter children understand respect is necessary no matter how they feel about someone because it is an expectation and requirement in and of itself. My less smart children have a harder time and would rather respect someone they like.
I think you mean sharp right?

mha3484

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 12:03 pm

Maybe that’s the better word. I think my main point was to agree that school culture makes a big difference. When kids feel respected as people they return the respect.

My son has had some secular studies teachers that he felt really talked down to them and treated them like little kids and he found it very hard to respect them and the overall class behavior was poor those years.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 12:08 pm

ValleyMom wrote:

My DD is a very smart, very independent person. When she was in school she often butted heads with her teachers. I saw a pattern there. The teachers who were cold, who demanded respect, but didn't make any effort to connect with the kids - their classrooms were chaos and DD couldn't function.

When DD had teachers who were enthusiastic about the material they were teaching, were kind and patient with the students, and treated the kids with respect, the teachers got tons of respect (and love!) in return.

DD would move the world to please a teacher she liked, but if she felt for one minute that the teacher didn't like her, she wouldn't budge an inch.

OP, has your DS been screened for ADHD or ODD? If he wants to behave, but his impulses are making it hard for him, he sounds pretty self aware. He may need Adderall or something similar to give him the little boost he needs to keep it together while he's in the classroom. (You can always give him breaks on Shabbos and holidays.)

imaima

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 12:24 pm

I see a simple problem with his reasoning.

If the rebbe organizes the siyum, he defines the framework: is it freer than a lesson or not.
Some rebbes may have freer siyumim than others, but in the end of the day they set the rules.
It is still his event for the boys, and he gets to decide when they eat and when they play.

If a rebbe is responsible for them, he gets to decide period.
I don't understand why noone said it yet.

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