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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 6:21 am
Reality wrote:
I agree with you.

On that thread other posters were lumping women who were manipulated into going further than they wanted to with children who were abused. I see a big difference between a child and an adult. No where did I call anyone names. I was crucified for saying women need to take responsibility for their actions. I still believe that. An adult has to take responsibility for allowing themselves to be manipulated. And I said very clearly I wasn't talking about rape or an attack. It didn't matter to the swarm of anonymous posters who came out swinging against me.


Let's not rehash that thread in this one.

The fact is that the other posters were trying to tell you that life is more grey than the way you were posting. And unfortunately, often bc of difference in childhood, some adults are unable to make the distinctions you were insisting.

And Everytime you reiterated your opinion they felt the need to reiterate their opinion.

Sometimes that begets nastiness "how does she not understand what I'm explaining?" Especially on a sensitive topic if you (general you) have an "unpopular" opinion. Maybe stop and think why.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:33 am
amother [ Forsythia ] wrote:
Not quite. Even after you were told you were being majorly insulting, you repeated yourself again and again. That means you were the one purposely being hurtful. I quit that thread because it was explained so many times and I refused to further hit a brick wall.


Sometimes "nastiness" is perception and people have blind spots about what they themselves post.


Can you at least TRY to be nice in a thread discussing nasty posts? Or just please don’t say anything at all
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:35 am
salt wrote:
It's very difficult to know if your post is going to be seen as 'nasty'.
Someone could be complaining about her sister in law, who is very interfering, and then I may want to express my view, that actually I think OP is being very immature and her sister in law is doing nothing wrong.
I can say it in the nicest way, but OP will not think I'm being nice. She will think I'm being mean.


If there are going to be discussions, there may be a lot of disagreeing, which might sound mean.
Unless this site is going to revert to recipes any disagreement can sound mean.

It's a fine line.

A few minutes ago someone started an OP asking what's going on with the Chaim Walder case - has anyone come forward yet to the police. Now I think we've churned this topic enough, and leave the guy alone until he's proven guilty, leave it to the police and don't take a journalist's scoop too seriously, as it can lead to lashon hara and ruin a person's life.
So is it mean of me to say that to OP? It's really what I think.


I hear but that’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m the OP from the cleaning lady for an hour thread… that’s what triggered me to start this thread. I mean seriously, do you have to get so rude on such a lame topic????
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Reality




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:35 am
singleagain wrote:
Let's not rehash that thread in this one.

The fact is that the other posters were trying to tell you that life is more grey than the way you were posting. And unfortunately, often bc of difference in childhood, some adults are unable to make the distinctions you were insisting.

And Everytime you reiterated your opinion they felt the need to reiterate their opinion.

Sometimes that begets nastiness "how does she not understand what I'm explaining?" Especially on a sensitive topic if you (general you) have an "unpopular" opinion. Maybe stop and think why.


You are right. I should have stopped posting on that sooner. Thank you.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:41 am
Also just want to add, not even sure if this thread will help anything. You know the tznius asifas only the super tznius usually go and the ones that aren’t don’t go?
I have a feeling the nasty posters aren’t going to come join this nasty poster thread… just a hunch.
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amother




Bluebell
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:50 am
I am so surprised that there are these people who simply just want to pick a fight... some sound intelligent and interested in conversation but others are really obnoxious?! Kinda sad...
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ora_43




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:51 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I hear but that’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m the OP from the cleaning lady for an hour thread… that’s what triggered me to start this thread. I mean seriously, do you have to get so rude on such a lame topic????

But YOU were the first to start insulting people!

No, I wasn't one of the people responding to you there, but - come on. You can't just call a whole category of people "entitled" and then get offended when 1-2 posters use that same insult against you.

You want people to understand that "there are humans behind these posts," but do you realize that the people you were insulting are human, too? "Cleaning lady" is a category that includes multiple posters on this site, you know. And a whole lot more posters have family or friends who've worked in housekeeping.

I still agree with you that people should be polite. But polite starts at home. If you care about posters not hurting each other's feelings - maybe start with an apology.
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amother




Forsythia
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:52 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Can you at least TRY to be nice in a thread discussing nasty posts? Or just please don’t say anything at all

That's your perception. I'm being matter of fact and blunt in order to clearly set the facts down but I'm not being nasty. Sometimes rereading a post in a different tone than the automatic one will prove that.
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amother




Forsythia
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 8:01 am
Reality wrote:
I agree with you.

On that thread other posters were lumping women who were manipulated into going further than they wanted to with children who were abused. I see a big difference between a child and an adult. No where did I call anyone names. I was crucified for saying women need to take responsibility for their actions. I still believe that. An adult has to take responsibility for allowing themselves to be manipulated. And I said very clearly I wasn't talking about rape or an attack. It didn't matter to the swarm of anonymous posters who came out swinging against me.

Because you were being majorly insulting. And still are. And even when you're told that you have to say it again. Why are you surprised that women are upset with you for "just explaining?"
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 8:54 am
ora_43 wrote:
But YOU were the first to start insulting people!

No, I wasn't one of the people responding to you there, but - come on. You can't just call a whole category of people "entitled" and then get offended when 1-2 posters use that same insult against you.

You want people to understand that "there are humans behind these posts," but do you realize that the people you were insulting are human, too? "Cleaning lady" is a category that includes multiple posters on this site, you know. And a whole lot more posters have family or friends who've worked in housekeeping.

I still agree with you that people should be polite. But polite starts at home. If you care about posters not hurting each other's feelings - maybe start with an apology.


start a thread to see how many cleaning ladies are on this site. I thought it was for frum jewish women? Did not realize there were ppl that were non jewish here....
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mindyme




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 8:57 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
start a thread to see how many cleaning ladies are on this site. I thought it was for frum jewish women? Did not realize there were ppl that were non jewish here....


Can't Believe It Digging yourself deeper OP... yes there are frum jewish women who clean or cleaned houses for a living. Good honest work.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 8:57 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
start a thread to see how many cleaning ladies are on this site. I thought it was for frum jewish women? Did not realize there were ppl that were non jewish here....


That is extremely insulting. There is no reason a Jewish woman can't be a cleaning lady of she wants. In fact ... Next time someone ask what kind of business she should start She should be told to become a cleaning lady and why not It's not a degrading profession.

When my sister first made aliyah she actually did hire herself out as a cleaning lady and why not it was good money.
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Reality




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:16 am
amother [ Forsythia ] wrote:
Because you were being majorly insulting. And still are. And even when you're told that you have to say it again. Why are you surprised that women are upset with you for "just explaining?"


Why are you doubling down on me after I already said I should have stopped earlier?

And you don't see anything wrong with your posting style? Only other people's?
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:24 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
start a thread to see how many cleaning ladies are on this site. I thought it was for frum jewish women? Did not realize there were ppl that were non jewish here....


OP, you took this line:

ora_43 wrote:
"Cleaning lady" is a category that includes multiple posters on this site, you know. And a whole lot more posters have family or friends who've worked in housekeeping.


And from that, you deduced that if there are cleaning ladies on this site, it means there are non-Jewish women here? Why assume that, as opposed to understanding that there are JEWISH cleaning ladies on here? Yes, frum women, who are earning an honest living. And your comments are hurtful to them. There are also women on this site who have cleaned in the past or who have family members (also frum) who clean now.

You did not understand in your first post and people are trying to help you understand here, nuance matters. You are upset because people were blunt in their replies to you, but it is also that you are not understanding how your posts are coming across. This very post is the perfect example.

(For what it's worth, there is a frum, respected women in my community who lost her job during covid. She is a mother of older children at this point. She started cleaning houses and she is always fully booked. She raised her rates to more than double what the going rate is and people are STILL lining up to book her. People feel very comfortable having her in the house as opposed to someone else because they do not have to worry about things going missing, etc.).
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:35 am
Um. Did any of you read the category it’s under? Lakewood? In lakewood there are usually only women of the Mexican origin that clean our houses.. therefore I didn’t even THINK that we were talking about Israel cleaning ladies- frum Jewish nice women.

And just for the record- my own mom cleans houses in ISRAEL. So yeah….
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mindyme




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:44 am
Wow OP why don't you post under your SN so we see who you are? No need to hide when asking for a cleaning lady in the first place actually.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:45 am
mindyme wrote:
Wow OP why don't you post under your SN so we see who you are? No need to hide when asking for a cleaning lady in the first place actually.


Hiding from ppl like you to be perfectly honest.. and boy I am glad I did Rolling Laughter
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mindyme




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:48 am
Well "to be perfectly honest", if you spoke more nicely there would be no need to hide in the first place.
Proving the exact point of this thread.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:52 am
mindyme wrote:
Well "to be perfectly honest", if you spoke more nicely there would be no need to hide in the first place.
Proving the exact point of this thread.


Thank you mindyme for your kind words!! Appreciated .
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WhatFor




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 9:59 am
Reality wrote:
I agree with you.

On that thread other posters were lumping women who were manipulated into going further than they wanted to with children who were abused. I see a big difference between a child and an adult. No where did I call anyone names. I was crucified for saying women need to take responsibility for their actions. I still believe that. An adult has to take responsibility for allowing themselves to be manipulated. And I said very clearly I wasn't talking about rape or an attack. It didn't matter to the swarm of anonymous posters who came out swinging against me.


I didn't get to comment on that thread and didn't read the entire thing, but I kept wanting to say something. I believe it was about a story of newlyweds in Benai berak and a man who manipulated them? Well, when I was in seminary I helped a friend with waitressing at a couple of Benai berak weddings. At one, I believe the bride was fifteen, at another sixteen. Everyone is assuming that because someone is married they're women. But to me a fifteen year old very sheltered girl is still a child.

That's aside from the fact that adults are also vulnerable to emotional manipulation. But everyone was looking at the word "married" and assuming adult. And if somehow I happened to waitress at a couple of rare young-bride weddings, it's definitely not uncommon for these girls to be married at 17 or 18.

But to the main topic, I've seen posts overtly disrespectful and unkind to large groups of other posters here, and other posters praising those same posts while also lamenting that they just hate the general disrespect on this site. When I see that, it honestly makes me feel like, what is there even to talk about with this person?
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