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dinatov




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 10:01 am
Listen, as a teacher who facilitates a LOT of classroom discussions, I'd like to introduce you to something called "accountable talk."

In short, students may absolutely disagree with each other, but
1. THEY MAY NEVER BASH ANYONE 2.
They must back up their points. So no screaming, "NUH UH!!" You simply say, "I disagree with this because xyz..."

Discussions stay juicy, no one gets nasty.
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amother




Forsythia
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 10:05 am
WhatFor wrote:
I didn't get to comment on that thread and didn't read the entire thing, but I kept wanting to say something. I believe it was about a story of newlyweds in Benai berak and a man who manipulated them? Well, when I was in seminary I helped a friend with waitressing at a couple of Benai berak weddings. At one, I believe the bride was fifteen, at another sixteen. Everyone is assuming that because someone is married they're women. But to me a fifteen year old very sheltered girl is still a child.

That's aside from the fact that adults are also vulnerable to emotional manipulation. But everyone was looking at the word "married" and assuming adult. And if somehow I happened to waitress at a couple of rare young-bride weddings, it's definitely not uncommon for these girls to be married at 17 or 18.

But to the main topic, I've seen posts overtly disrespectful and unkind to large groups of other posters here, and other posters praising those same posts while also lamenting that they just hate the general disrespect on this site. When I see that, it honestly makes me feel like, what is there even to talk about with this person?

Yup to all of this
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 10:08 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Um. Did any of you read the category it’s under? Lakewood? In lakewood there are usually only women of the Mexican origin that clean our houses.. therefore I didn’t even THINK that we were talking about Israel cleaning ladies- frum Jewish nice women.

And just for the record- my own mom cleans houses in ISRAEL. So yeah….

The comment to you that I quoted before, to which you replied that you did not think there were non-Jews on this forum was not about Lakewood, it was about cleaning ladies in general. There are cleaning ladies on this forum.

Also, I do not live in Israel, and the women I am referring to in my other post is not in Israel. I could even be in Lakewood... I am sure you do not know every single person there.

People all need to think before they type, which includes me and it includes you.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 10:14 am
watergirl wrote:
The comment to you that I quoted before, to which you replied that you did not think there were non-Jews on this forum was not about Lakewood, it was about cleaning ladies in general. There are cleaning ladies on this forum.

Also, I do not live in Israel, and the women I am referring to in my other post is not in Israel. I could even be in Lakewood... I am sure you do not know every single person there.

People all need to think before they type, which includes me and it includes you.


Last sentence I agree with. The others I don’t have time to explain.. trying to work now
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 10:20 am
Many times someone vents about something. When I read it there are 2 pages already. I read through the comments and want to scream! They are all so mean- one after the other. If someone is venting then be nice and sympathetic a bit. Even if you disagree then first validate her feelings then share your opinion gently. People should really read their comment three times before hitting the submit button.
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Reality




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 12:51 pm
WhatFor wrote:
I didn't get to comment on that thread and didn't read the entire thing, but I kept wanting to say something. I believe it was about a story of newlyweds in Benai berak and a man who manipulated them? Well, when I was in seminary I helped a friend with waitressing at a couple of Benai berak weddings. At one, I believe the bride was fifteen, at another sixteen. Everyone is assuming that because someone is married they're women. But to me a fifteen year old very sheltered girl is still a child.

That's aside from the fact that adults are also vulnerable to emotional manipulation. But everyone was looking at the word "married" and assuming adult. And if somehow I happened to waitress at a couple of rare young-bride weddings, it's definitely not uncommon for these girls to be married at 17 or 18.

But to the main topic, I've seen posts overtly disrespectful and unkind to large groups of other posters here, and other posters praising those same posts while also lamenting that they just hate the general disrespect on this site. When I see that, it honestly makes me feel like, what is there even to talk about with this person?


Thank you for pointing this out. I had no idea it was the norm in Bnei Brak to get married at 15-16. That is definitely a child still!!
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ora_43




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 1:39 pm
OP, I'm getting the sense you're new here.

This is a site for nice frum women.

But it's a diverse crowd of frum women with diverse experiences. For example, there are converts of various ethnic backgrounds on here, plus many others who are more sensitive to racism than what you might be used to, so "no, I was insulting Mexicans" doesn't really fix the problem.

Basically, you have to assume that any group of people you might be irritated with - anything from Satmar chassidim to non-Jewish Arabs to medical researchers - there's going to be someone here who's either a member of that group, or has first-degree relatives who are. And post accordingly. If you do that, it tends to be a decently nice place.

As long as you avoid the politics section.
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amother




Whitesmoke
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 4:05 pm
To be honest, I realized you were the Op of the cleaning lady thread from the tone of your posts in this thread lol
Is it possible that maybe you don’t realize that your posts are a bit offensive?
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 6:18 pm
I'm not saying that there aren't ever posts that cross the line into nasty, but I do find that words on a screen cannot compare to the non verbal cues of a spoken conversation. The tone of black and white letters can be interpreted in one way by one person and another by another person.
I know I used to work for a boss, who was actually a really sweet and caring person, but she was very curt in her messages and it often led to people misinterpreting and misunderstanding what she meant and they would get upset, and she hadn't meant it at all that way.
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chanatron1000




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:53 pm
One thing I think is rude is when people talk about someone instead of to her. Doing this in a real life conversation would be really weird. What I mean is like this:

Person A: I think that X is true.
Person B: I don't think that X is true. X is certainly untrue.
Person C: I also think that X is untrue and Y is true.
Person B: Agreed 100%, person C. I know some people think X is true, but those people are wrong.
Person A: I still think X is true because reasons.
Person C: (quoting Person B) Totally. Person A is so misguided.
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