Home

Disconnect between school and parenting
Previous  1, 2, 3
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


#Happymom




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 9:02 am
I'm a teacher (high school) so let me chime in here.

I believe that if a child is not disturbing anyone and she is participating in the lesson and understanding what we are learning - then I ignore anything else. It's simply not worth it.

So yes I have students who participate, are involved in class discussions, write meticulous notes in lesson - and also pass notes to their friends. I ignore them. Because they aren't disturbing anyone or ruining the lesson.

Because if I had to stop to tell every student to stop doodling, passing notes, looking thru her maths textbook, drawing a picture - I would never get around to teaching.
Back to top

imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 10:46 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I don’t appreciate this comment or this attack. I said she’s far from perfect. All I said was she doesn’t struggle academically or do anything that’s majorly disruptive.


No one is attacking anyone, it’s odd you see it that way. I’m saying the scenario you describe - where a kid is quiet and smart and well behaved should somehow generate monthly complaints from the principal because she’s doodling makes absolutely no sense.

If you want to protect us all from knowing the truth, more power to you, but no one can really help you with a situation you don’t actually define.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:04 am
imorethanamother wrote:
No one is attacking anyone, it’s odd you see it that way. I’m saying the scenario you describe - where a kid is quiet and smart and well behaved should somehow generate monthly complaints from the principal because she’s doodling makes absolutely no sense.

If you want to protect us all from knowing the truth, more power to you, but no one can really help you with a situation you don’t actually define.


No it’s not odd to see your post as an attack. Own up to what you did. And I explained it enough times not sure why you keep insisting I wasn’t clear. I NEVER said she’s quiet or well behaved.
Back to top

imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:07 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
No it’s not odd to see your post as an attack. Own up to what you did. And I explained it enough times not sure why you keep insisting I wasn’t clear. I NEVER said she’s quiet or well behaved.


From your first post;

Quote:
For example I have a kid that does well in school but likes to doodle. She's not disturbing anyone just doodling on her own papers. They complain non stop. When I point out that she's a top student and it's clearly not affecting her they still want her to stop because it's messy and annoys them. I have other such examples of silly things that really aren't disruptive but just aren't perfect and they put so much pressure on me and my kids
Back to top

Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:14 am
My general approach is to have a respectful conversation with the school staff who brought up their concern. I ask questions, trying to understand what the concern really is and not just the symptom of the concern, and ask if it's interfering with my child's success or the overall classroom dynamic. If I don't believe change is warranted, I ask what will happen if it continues and basically get us on the same page. If I do think change is warranted, I propose solutions that may be simple or not to implement and see if it's an option. If there aren't other options, I say I will speak with my child but cannot guarantee changed behavior; I'll try my best.

This usually works. The school feels like I'm on their side even if I would have thought it's a minor thing not worth addressing. I tell my kids what the concerns are and say it's for their benefit not to do something the school staff doesn't appreciate, even if it's seemingly inconsequential.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:22 am
imorethanamother wrote:


Exactly. Show me where I said quiet and well behaved? I said she does well and the behaviors are not disruptive to the class as a whole that’s not the same thing.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:23 am
Hashem_Yaazor wrote:
My general approach is to have a respectful conversation with the school staff who brought up their concern. I ask questions, trying to understand what the concern really is and not just the symptom of the concern, and ask if it's interfering with my child's success or the overall classroom dynamic. If I don't believe change is warranted, I ask what will happen if it continues and basically get us on the same page. If I do think change is warranted, I propose solutions that may be simple or not to implement and see if it's an option. If there aren't other options, I say I will speak with my child but cannot guarantee changed behavior; I'll try my best.

This usually works. The school feels like I'm on their side even if I would have thought it's a minor thing not worth addressing. I tell my kids what the concerns are and say it's for their benefit not to do something the school staff doesn't appreciate, even if it's seemingly inconsequential.


Thanks that’s really helpful, I will try these
Back to top

amother




Diamond
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:23 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
No it’s not odd to see your post as an attack. Own up to what you did. And I explained it enough times not sure why you keep insisting I wasn’t clear. I NEVER said she’s quiet or well behaved.


I think it would be easier for us to address the issue if we understood it better. No one here seems to think that doodling is the kind of thing that a teacher or principal would find so problematic. You don't have to give other examples of her challenging behavior if you don't want to, but in that case, we just don't have enough information to assess the situation.

I wish you and your kids much success in school and life.
Back to top

imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:25 am
Also, OP, we are all on your side. We get that you’re asking how to make your home into a safe area where your child can recover from what she experiences at school. And that’s certainly part of it. We all hope to create that for our children.

But as someone who gets phone calls about her own kids, and as a young child also generated phone calls to my parents, you have to have a school that doesn’t make your child’s life miserable for the eight hours a day they spend away from home. You can’t always make it all better for the three hours they’re in your house.

For me, that meant switching my child’s school, and everyone is much much happier. You replied that there’s no such thing, every single school where you live will have issues with doodling or the like.

If your daughter is clueless about all the complaints, then great. Just ignore them. You are excellent at sticking up for yourself, clearly Very Happy , so you have those tools. But if your daughter is getting those complaints directly, and it’s repeated and “non stop”, in your words, then her self esteem is going to plummet.

So either that means changing your school or changing your daughter. Which seems easier?
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:30 am
imorethanamother wrote:
Also, OP, we are all on your side. We get that you’re asking how to make your home into a safe area where your child can recover from what she experiences at school. And that’s certainly part of it. We all hope to create that for our children.

But as someone who gets phone calls about her own kids, and as a young child also generated phone calls to my parents, you have to have a school that doesn’t make your child’s life miserable for the eight hours a day they spend away from home. You can’t always make it all better for the three hours they’re in your house.

For me, that meant switching my child’s school, and everyone is much much happier. You replied that there’s no such thing, every single school where you live will have issues with doodling or the like.

If your daughter is clueless about all the complaints, then great. Just ignore them. You are excellent at sticking up for yourself, clearly Very Happy , so you have those tools. But if your daughter is getting those complaints directly, and it’s repeated and “non stop”, in your words, then her self esteem is going to plummet.

So either that means changing your school or changing your daughter. Which seems easier?


My daughter isn’t me and actually never stands up for herself. I get you are trying to be helpful but I didn’t say much of this lol. Not sure where the miscommunication is happening. There are other schools and I don’t know if they nitpick too but I don’t think it’s worth risking it.
Back to top

amother




Charcoal
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:41 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
No it’s not odd to see your post as an attack. Own up to what you did. And I explained it enough times not sure why you keep insisting I wasn’t clear. I NEVER said she’s quiet or well behaved.


You are being a little misleading because you mentioned she is very smart and well behaved so it sounded like their only complaint was the doodling which made no sense.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:44 am
amother [ Charcoal ] wrote:
You are being a little misleading because you mentioned she is very smart and well behaved so it sounded like their only complaint was the doodling which made no sense.


She is very smart and tries her best, she isn't disruptive and doesn't purposely misbehave but because of the little things I wouldn't call her well behaved. Like I said she has her quirks and marches to her own drum. And being smart complicates things as teachers expect more from her but her behavior is not on par with how advanced her academic skills are.
Back to top

s1




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 11:50 am
As a teacher I would say:
Call school and ask for a meeting
With the class teacher and whoever is her line manager/head of year/senco/head of discipline
Go through all the things that are working well for your child in school
Then go through any problems/difficulties/issues
Try to work together to come to a conclusion that benefits everyone
If necessary have your daughter come in at the end (depending on her age) to tell her how well she is doing, and which strategies you have decided on to help her
Take notes of everything and before you leave make a list of action points, who is going to follow them up and by when.
Also arrange a date for a follow up meeting/phone call t see how things are going
Back to top

LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 12:34 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
She is very smart and tries her best, she isn't disruptive and doesn't purposely misbehave but because of the little things I wouldn't call her well behaved. Like I said she has her quirks and marches to her own drum. And being smart complicates things as teachers expect more from her but her behavior is not on par with how advanced her academic skills are.


Sounds like me and other kids I know with autism or ADHD or are just quirky people.

Schools don't understand individuality so much. It will pass. It sucks I know. I had teacher who got me and those who didn't.

I did have an advantage of growing up OOT so some of my teachers were not Jewish and people were more open minded.
Back to top

imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 1:08 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My daughter isn’t me and actually never stands up for herself. I get you are trying to be helpful but I didn’t say much of this lol. Not sure where the miscommunication is happening. There are other schools and I don’t know if they nitpick too but I don’t think it’s worth risking it.


Got it. Okay. I hope I didn't upset you, you seem like a lovely person who really cares about her daughter.

It looks like you got some good advice here you can use. I hope it all works out for you and your family! It gets better!
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 4:11 pm
This thread was very insightful and gave me a lot of clarity. I had a long talk with the principal and we got on the same page about moving forward.
Back to top

Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Nov 25 2021, 4:47 pm
I'm so happy you got helpful advice and were able to see success with it!
Back to top
Previous  1, 2, 3 Recent Topics

Page 3 of 3 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

Related Topics Replies Last Post
"Chill" girls high school
by amother
49 Today at 3:09 pm View last post
Lakewood High School (new thread)
by amother
48 Today at 12:44 pm View last post
Iso information on the Doresh post high school program 0 Today at 7:59 am View last post
PA school with a family
by amother
2 Yesterday at 9:26 pm View last post
What does your high school girl take to school for lunch?
by LO
22 Yesterday at 1:07 pm View last post
by mfb